i had 2 terrible dreams last night. both of them filled with sandy, running loose trying to find his family and with open doors and windows and me trapped between them, high up, frozen afraid to move because i was going to fall. i finally woke up after the last one and had to get out of bed and find him, afraid i had left him outside and he had run away. he was fine and sleeping on his blanket, but it was awhile before i settled enough to go back to sleep.
i rarely REM dream anymore. dreams are the mind's way of working unsettled things thru. kind of like midnight therapy. since i left my marriage and followed my heart, rarely does my mind need to make sense of my life anymore because usually it fits so well with me that i am content. apparently, not anymore.
i think the mistake i am making is focusing on what i can't do instead of what i can. i went back and read the blog from day of injury until today. and i can do alot more now than i could then. i can clean the catroom and the upper dog room now, i can get up and shift the laundry around, i can do the inside meds, i can get myself out to the barn if i have someone to open and close the gates. i can do the vet runs, and i am pretty sure i can do the dump runs too (but i haven't actually put my dump run plan in motion yet). so ok, i am done with feeling sorry for myself and i apologise for being such a baby.
it is time to get back to work, then i will go back to long dreamless nights without the things that scare me.