a message from god

Posted: December 26, 2007 at 9:31 am

i am sitting at my desk at work, drinking a cup of tea, recovering from my morning trauma and waiting to go to my first appointment which is about 22 minutes from now.

the power was out and i did not wake up til almost 7:00 which was an hour and a half too late. i shoved those dogs out the door and into the snow and went looking for unpleasant presents on my floor in the freaking dark.

i didn’t even bother to try to find clean work clothes in the laundry basket still folded and waiting to be put away, cuz boo had slept in there last night, which meant her hair was on everything i own.

so i just grabbed my work clothes from yesterday which were still hanging safely on the hook in the bathroom, and i threw on my boots and my barn coat and rushed over to feed and let the barn guys out. and i had to go into the barn from the back door because i had locked the front door from inside. (this was because i was unloading feed and hay and shavings in the dark last night so i could fill up the food bins and feed them their christmas dinner)

it was still barely dark and dawn was just thinking of coming a little bit further but it was pitch black in the barn. i couldn’t see what i was doing until i fell over the first black 300 pound pig.

then as it slowly just marginally lightened, i saw the almost empty and ripped open bag of chicken feed and i saw the great shadowy hulk of that idiot swinger standing in front of it too. i had left that feed well out of his reach so i wouldn’t forget to feed the chickens in the morning. i DOUBLE locked swingers stall door last night just so he couldn’t do what he just did.

AHHHH…OHMYGAWD!!….YOU FREAK,YOU UTTERLY STUPID BAG OF BRAINLESS CREAKY OLD USELESS BONES…ARE YOU CRAZY????….YOU MORON! YOU COULD DIE FROM THIS…. and if you don’t i swear to god i am going to SHOOT you myself.

god sent me a message last night…glad you had a nice christmas, now get your head out of your ass, try not to be so stupid and get back to work.

so…taking the advice of the almighty, i best go and see my clients right now…i will shoot swinger when i get home, if he is still alive….and i will never leave a bag of chicken feed anywhere near that freaking barn ever again.

 

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