i think it might be ok to be me.

Posted: June 29, 2008 at 9:19 pm

everyone is suffering with the heat here…all fans and air conditioners are on full..inside is not bad, outside is brutal. we have to be on top of all water bowls and esp. unlimited water for the barn guys…these old guys just can not tolerate the heat. i have made jed and darla and cody and oka stay inside this afternoon…i finally let them out and they are now laying on the grass. we had to stop doing laundry cuz the dryer was throwing heat outside into the cat run and it was way too hot for the cats hanging outside in there…so now i know that was a stupid place to vent it altho it works well in the winter for warming it up too.

jeanette managed ok today…she has her shade shelter and was hand delivered water frequently plus we dumped buckets over top of her periodically to keep her cool. it is too hot for sick old guys, i want the temperature to drop a few degrees…for gawds sake i need a universal thermostat control so i can manage the weather around here too.

percy only trashed her shelter once today that i know of and that was more curiosity and boredom than anything else.

i have given some thought to my continued problems with people sometimes sucking the strength right out of me and i have come to some conclusions, like it is mostly my own freaking fault…like mo says…i trust too easily, and chris is right too…i suck at setting reasonable boundries, and deb is also correct that i have so much on my plate that when people show up and offer to help i grab onto them like a life boat before i check to see if they are truly sea worthy or if they are going to drown me instead.

do you know why folks don’t know alot of the real down and dirty senior rescuers around here? (i am talking about the ones who have been in the trenches for 20-30 years) two reasons…one is most of them don’t use computers and the second and biggest reason is many of them have retreated and shut the world out. to them most of the world is a write off, they don’t expect the unexpected, they know darn well what to expect so they gave the entire world the proverbial finger and went off to rescue alone….not such a great thing for the animals…certainly not a great thing for them….that is the hardest road in rescue and there is no turning around cuz once that contempt for others truly takes over you can never hide that contempt ever again.

ahhh the things to be afraid of in rescue…. users and abusers who turn you into a user and abuser and an all alone one too.

so i think i would be less frustrated if i just assumed everyone in the world was a loser or a user or a liar or a thief, but i think i will try to withhold judgement at least until they actually prove it to me….so, i might still trust too easily, altho mo said she would keep an eye out for me now, and i might still suck at setting boundries cuz it would never occur to me to take unfair advantage of someone else, but chris is going to help me with that, and deb is making me corn bread so at least my full plate has some food on it once in a while…. i guess i will just struggle along for now and see where i end up in another 10 years….hopefully happily retired and proud of the life that i led.

1 Comment on "i think it might be ok to be me."

  • Deb says

    Your cornbread, chicken chile, and triple chocolate cake await. I can’t stop bad things and lousy people from intruding and causing unnecessary and harmful experiences for you and the SAINTS (and those of us who love you and the SAINTS), but I can certainly make sure you are well fed when you have to fight off miserable people and the damage they cause.
    You do trust easily, you do look for the best in people (and sometimes I think you’ve been wearing X-ray goggles when you found even a slight hint of goodness), you do assume that people will say what they mean and mean what they say, you do let people infringe on your boundaries, but hell, Carol, that’s what good, honest, kind and decent people do, they don’t see a bright, shiny apple and look for the worm.
    You’ve been through hell lately, and although you sometimes look like you may be down for the count, you always manage to pick yourself up off the mat, dust yourself off (and get most of the hay out of your hair) and keep on keeping on. You damn well better be proud of the life you lead, you are a survivor, just like your beloved SAINTS.

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