maybe

Posted: July 5, 2008 at 8:45 am

percy is doing ok with jeanette’s loss…..i am sure both he and carl would be happier with a same species friend who understands them…but i am tired…screw the grass and space concerns….since clyde went after cuddles, it has been a mountain of burdens on me, one after another and then more adding daily to the pile….it hasn’t stopped, it has just gotten heavier each day. and i can go even further back, to sparky’s stroke or lexi’s vestibular attack, when i thought she had stroked and was going to die..really, the past 3 months have been totally nutz with some kind of mind numbing crises…animal or human too.
today i feel it…that total load…it is here and it is happening at my work place too….the burdens of responsibilty and just plain unhappy stuff are weighing too heavily in every quarter (except knock on wood, all is well with my kids thank goodness)

new incoming tomorrow…a little blind, brittle diabetic, senior JRT….i should have turned him away…. i didn’t… he will be the last for awhile now. i want to let my guilt over clyde to fade a bit…i want the worry of jeanette to soften, i want to get past and thru the upcoming eviction hearing, and i want to get the memorial garden, jesse’s outdoor run, and the americats summer porch finished. i want to get some vents in the roof of the barn, and the pond is now shrinking which means the well will soon be dry and i need to be ready for that when it happens too.

in short…my capability is squeezed to the max right now…i feel weak and not strong anymore. if i let myself get past some of this stuff maybe i can look at percy and carl’s possible needs clearly and not from my all too human view…mo maybe right…maybe they have their family and i only think they need more. i am content with my family of other species, maybe they are for now too.

4 Comments on "maybe"

  • Lory says

    My opinion, for what it is worth, is that you are making a healthy decision. You have had too heavy a burden and to take some time just to deal with what is already on your plate rather than rushing out and adding more is the best way to look after yourself and the SAINTS that already are there. Take care.

  • Hi Carol;

    I support your decision too. I will be down in awhile to do the am stuff and see what you want to do about the riding ring. ok Eva

  • wendy says

    Honestly Carol Carl being a male llama(gelded or not) is FAR best to NOT have another Llama. As you may recall we also have a boy llama and I did research into getting him a gelded friend or female. What I found was that it is just too risky for them to war, even to the death. Male llamas are notorious for this; gelded or not. Having the sheep and horses are plenty companionship for him, he considers them “his” and having another llama come in the picture would cause him great stress and he most likely will attack the other llama.

    Don’t feel guilty that he is the only one of his species there; I am sure he doesn’t care. All he NEEDS in life is not to be alone and he is surrounded by many assorted critters there I know he feels are his family. We have had our male llama for over 10yrs and he has never been lonely for his own species; he has his herd of my mares.

    i tried to email this concern to you but for some reason it kept getting bounced back on me. I just wanted to share some of my llama knowledge as years ago we too wanted Bo to have a llama friend but were strongly advised against it by llama experts.

  • Cheryl says

    You are making a smart call Carol. If you aren’t feeling strong then it affects your whole “pack” and as leader your mental and physical health is the most important.

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