whatzit all about?

Posted: July 15, 2008 at 7:33 pm

haven’t got a clue.

it is about not enough sleep. it’s about visitors from 7 am til 10 pm. it is about phones that also do not sleep.

a ton of guilt, a ton of heartache, a ton of regret and anger and fear.

pain, shame, feeling lost, overwhelmed and completely taken advantage of.

it is about utter unfairness and total abuse…and attempts to take something intangibly pure and dirty it up to match the rest of the world.

and it is about weeping a flood load of tears and battering yourself til you’re bloody.

but….

it is also about…

spritely nuzzling your ear, lady licking the air around you, and percy sucking down your ice cold beer.

squirt’s belly offered for a gentle rub, tugs looking to see what is in your bowl, charlie meeting you at his door and boo rolling across the floor.

hook as he climbs onto your pillow at night and cuddles as he moves over to give hook a bit more room. oka attacking a 50 pound log, and monty’s fascination with sweeping brooms.
jewel carrying a boulder, jed with his head in all the wrong spots. julie’s sweet nibbles, sissy’s sweet face and molly’s pooping connect-the-dots.

it is carrying red’s body into the vets and trying to make raymond smile, laughing at maude and then rubbing her face and watching her run the saints pond and field circular mile.

i don’t know whatzit’s all about, except i know it is all about them… and thatz all there ever is or was or ever will be, forever and ever…amen.

3 Comments on "whatzit all about?"

  • Deb says

    I think, Carol, that it is about a women who doesn’t make excuses, admits to not being omnipotent, and carries a very heavy weight of awesome responsibility on her back.
    You’ve never claimed to be perfect, Carol, and part of being an imperfect human is allowing yourself to express your anger, hopelessness, sorrow, disappointment and weariness. You have chosen a very difficult path, fraught with hard choices, heartbreaking decisions, and the “never quite enough” reality of rescue: never enough sleep, never enough time, never enough money, never enough space, never enough volunteers, never enough foster families or adoptive families, never enough “you” for all the S.A.I.N.T.S.
    You have had a really rough go of it lately, and it doesn’t look as if it will be getting significantly better anytime soon. I wish things could be easier, and I really wish the unnecessary stress, events not directly related to the S.A.I.N.T.S., had never happened.
    Keep your chin up, Carol.

  • Zoe says

    It’s about lot of things, some we understand and then those that we don’t even attempt to.
    Plain and simple, it’s about the fact you kick ass, and you are utterly and completed devoted to all of those animals, even those that are off their rockers ( AHEM Jewel), those that are perverts ( AHEM Jed), and the list goes on and on.
    It’s about SAINTS being the only SAINTS in existence, and being the best one because the woman that stands behind it is you.

  • Diane says

    My heart goes out to you Carol, when I read of those humans interfering in your running of SAINTS. It is not about them and it is not their animals so I wish they would all butt out and allow you to do your job as the qualified and wonderful person you are. Just reading your blogs tells the “world” that you are a caring, protecting and intelligent person. I am worried that in time you will not be able to handle all of the stress added to your plate because of other people (not about the animals!)

    I so wish I lived closer to SAINTS and could help you out when you are feeling so overwhelmed (every day lol!!). I get sad when I read the ugliness sent your way by “others”. It reminds me of grade school children!!! This whole world is like that in every given situation. Everybody has their way and if it’s not their way, it’s not right in their eyes.

    To those who read this blog or other blogs where SAINTS is beaten down by childish, insecure people, just GO BLOW IT IN THE WIND cuz you are either not busy enough in your own rescue and need to take on some more animals that need a good placement )like SAINTS for instance 🙂 and KEEP BUSY!!!! It is the same where I work. If all the bickering, back stabbing and gossip would cease, all of our patients would be the best kept people in the Saskatchewan Hospitals. BUT, unfortunately, that will never happen as long as it is humans running the place. We should all be like our animals – non-judgemental, ready to help our master in an instant, and never EVER gossiping!

    Hope your weeks to come are not going to be too big of a burden for you Carol. I know how much your care about the Americats and all of the work you have done to keep them alive and well. You have done that job and given them a warm and loving place to live the rest of their lives whether that be a long period or short. You have done your job!

    Hugs to you at this trying time at SAINTS.

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