real sadness comes in many different sized packages

Truly Julie

julie came to me i think 8 or 10 years ago, a sketchy, timid, messed up de-clawed 8 yr old cat who was mutilating herself.

she was doing it for the same reasons that humans do it too... she was hurting so badly inside of herself that somehow, some way she just needed to get it out of her.

she stopped hiding and mutilating within a year or so, julie healed herself because no one was stopping her anymore. julie got de-clawed because she couldn't conform to the expectations of her human family, amputating her toes just made it even harder for her to find a way to fit in well. with me she fit the day she arrived and from that place she healed and she grew.
it was a struggle for her to gain the confidence to own her own life and to blend that life into my life. but she found the strength and the courage to carve her very own niche and built her contentment from there.

and that niche which became her world was my bed. she lived on it 24/7. she came down to use the cat box, eat and drink, occasionally she wandered into the kitchen to see if lunch was happening yet. but mostly she just hung out on my bed because that was where she liked it best.
most of the volunteers did not know julie very well because julie remained quiet, shy and retiring.

my kids dubbed her many years ago..."droolie julie", yes she was another sappy, affectionate closet drooler with those she liked best.... i changed it because that name was disrespectful and she became truly julie officially instead.

julie died today in my arms at the vets. her lungs were totally full of cancer and fluid. my only real regret is last night with all of my ups and downs i disturbed her from laying on my hip too many times to count and that was our last night together.
i am blessed and somewhat saddend that truly julie, truly loved only me...i wanted her to have so much more.
my tiny frail old cat died today and tonight for the first time in many years, my hip will be empty....rest in peace baby.

Oka

Oka has lost 10 pounds in less than a month. and this is with him eating 3-4 cans of puppy food each day. i fed him before i took him in this morning and the clinic needed to force 3 more cans of puppy food into him just to bring his blood sugars up to barely 4 (still too low)

the vet said today that the dog i took in this morning is not the same dog she saw a mere month ago. and she cannot believe how fast this is progressing but the end is getting very close.

oka is just simply the greatest dog in the world and i don't want to miss the feel of him in my arms or the joy i feel when he kills a log.
our great big stump and log killing machine is fading away right before our eyes.

be happy oka for the time you have left, just be happy and please eat alot too.