choosing between the best of both worlds

lynn's comment about star having a spot on nicole's couch touched a sore place because nicole has fallen in love with star and i have already chosen a different home for her.

and this sucks because how often do our dogs get the chance for 2 perfect homes and both of them with people i know and love and TRUST implicitly? not often.

and so i put personal feeling aside and i turn off to a certain degree the things that start tying me up in knots...like how much i really do love nicole and how great her animals are loved and live their lives with her and i look at different things.

nicole has 4 palliative saints animals, she is a fulltime student and soon to be a fulltime shift working vet tech. she lives in vancouver with a 2 or 3 dog bylaw limit per property and there are already 3 saints dogs living there with both her and zoe. she is still young and needs a social life even tho i know she usually doesn't have one because the animals need her more.

we had a miscommunication where i knew she was thinking about the possibilty of star as part of her family but i thought she was ok if this other home panned out first...and while i was thinking this, nicole was already thinking of star as part of her crippled saints clan.

it sucks cuz star is going to live with one of our vets. she can deal with her midnight medical crises that star likes to throw around and i am not convinced that stars medical needs are going to slow down. colleen has really bonded with star while trying to figure out her medical issues and will give her a fabulous home plus the expertise of living with a vet.

i write this today for two reasons...one so that folks will know that in rescue you sometimes make choices that hurt people you love. and because selfishly i want you to know that every single time i have done this in the past, i have lost a friend or supporter.

i am not going to lose nicole over this because nicole is too much like me for her own good. she will grieve the loss of star like i will grieve the loss of cuddles (he is going to live with kathy kelm) and i think she knows that a home with colleen is a very good thing for star.

and here is one of the crappy parts of being in rescue, in really being here for the animals... your heart and feelings come second to deciding with your head. i get this, nicole gets this, others in rescue gets this..but not everyone gets it.

it is a reality that folks need to be aware of so they don't take these things personally, every animal needs something unique unto themselves....sometimes it is us, and sometimes, it is someone else.