i am freaking out about money again

we still need to re-wire the front pasture fence...we have purchased the wire but still need to pay for the labour. the year end stuff is nearing completion at the accountants and that i suspect is going to be a few thousand dollar bill including the legal stuff too. the current vet bills are hovering around 10 thousand again, and we have got to fix the muddy mess out in the riding ring so they don't get sore feet. if we just do the critical mud areas and leave the gravel repairs til later...we are still looking at 3 thousand (i hope it is not more). there are wages to cover to care for the animals when i am at work...it is all starting to overwhelm me again when i list it all out in my head.

we have the pub night carrie is organizing coming up in april, the plant sale that the saints GA's are working on is happening in may, plus the meat draws, recycling, donation boxes which are ongoing. nicole is starting to plan the auction/dinner fundraiser for june which is not that far away now. so there is good things happening in the next few months...but i happen to be worrying today.

i cannot stress enough how much worry is involved in rescue...worry for the animals quality of life, worry about funding it all...worry over animals who are turned away at the gates...worry about staffing, volunteer resources, hydro, heat, water...too much or too little....worry about laundry and overall cleanilness, worry about vet bills, choosing the right treatments and following thru....there is worry about our reputation when the politickers start playing their hurtful games and how that will impact the work we are able to do...worry about ballooning rat populations with our endless accessible food supplies as spring finally arrives...those buggers have been in their burrows reproducing like crazy while snowed in and the bait boxes were buried. worry about moral issues...like killing innocent rats who's only issue i have to living at saints is they don't live here in two's or three's which is fine with me...they want to live in huge colonies because they like to breed.

i am worried about lahanie's sedation and shaving today and apollo's blood sugars, misfit, and how lonely marty is in that pen.
i worry about not getting sick or injured myself, and meeting my family obligations, i worry about folks who try to take advantage of saints or try to exploit the animals for personal gain. and i i worry about being honest and open and making sure we actually do what we say we do here. i worry about being fair and respectful to all of the animals here...not just the ones who are lucky enough to be favored or noticed more than some of the others. i worry about the ones who never find homes and i worry about the ones that do cuz what if i picked the wrong home for them or turned away the right one by mistake. and i worry about the ones that never get asked for...like lexi, and maude and cleo or dixie...do you think it hurts them inside that no one ever loved them enough to want them but me?

so today the biggest thing about rescue is WORRY in capital letters....which reminds me..i need to buy more zantac...my ever increasing heartburn has become a nightly pain.