since i am cutting and pasting again...

here is a diary entry i found on the computer from feb 2005...stick your finger down your throat and GAG! what is with the "we" shit?....back then it was pretty much just me.

still... those were some pretty great animals...except i didn't have phoebe pegged as a pain in the ass yet back then.

i wish you guys could have known sophie, the first jesse...(she was jazz's daughter), friskie, boots, ralphie and oh my gosh, marley....lots of old friends in that entry despite the sickening sweet tone....the whole loss surroundiing wally and bear was just such a terribly sad story...i still sucked big time sometimes even back then.

remind me one day to tell that story.

"Diary Update Feb. 13 2005

It has been a very busy month with the physical challenges of preparing the new site for the animals and the actual move. We have dealt with de-funked furnaces, frozen and broken water pipes, leaking roofs, continual blown electrical circuits and our driveway wash-out. It was the emotional challenges that brought us back to earth and reminded us about what truly was the most important. The loss of Sophie and Bear, the worries of Friskie, Wally, Jesse, Ralphie and Murphy as we struggle to make the right decisions and keep them happy and well, these are the important issues. The passing of Sophie was like the loss of light. She brought so much daily joyfulness that when she was gone, there was a deep chill of loss. Bear passed before we could even get his picture or have him posted on the site. He was a dog who had not ever had a chance at a happy life. Friskie is deteriorating quickly. Yesterday he was eating and looking and feeling quite well; today, he can barely stand to have a drink. Tomorrow, we will have to decide if it is time to let him go. Wally, Jesse and Ralphie's cancers are all progressing. Today they are comfortable and happy but we know this will soon change. Little Murphy continues to seizure every three weeks or so. We have finally found the right dose of valium to halt the seizures as soon as they start but the damage from each new seizure is significant and eventually his quality of life will be compromised. We have stopped complaining of the disasters that were plaguing us, these were just things, stuff that with time and patience and money, could be fixed. The lives for which we are responsible, we cannot fix. We can only ensure that each is given the utmost love and care and respect to make each day worth living for them. Holding Jesse in our arms to give her the one thing that she craves above all else, the warmth and comfort of love, is a gift. It is not a gift from us to her, it is her gift to us. When we hold her, we can feel the warmth of her heart surround us, she wraps her entire soul around that embrace. And that is what Saints is about, the recognition and participation in the gift of these lovely, giving spirits that share so very freely. There will be difficult days ahead, but each of those days will be filled with the love that these animals bestow upon us. Our newest arrrivals continue to make the difficult adjustment over the loss of their homes. Phoebe, our little problem child, is in truth too young for here. Her high energy needs and ADDH have added a different dimension to the care that we usually provide and both she and her caregivers are struggling to find a common ground to help her settle and feel safe. Eighteen year old Boots is pretty mad at the upheaval in her life. We have given her the only animal-free zone in the shelter to come to terms with her loss. She is currently sleeping on her heated bed underneath the bathroom sink. She has ceased to lunge out a punish us when heaven forbid we really need to use the facilities. She is eating and drinking well and this morning she meowed at me questioningly before hissing, so she may be coming around. Copper has had one successful escape, that little chunky body of his, zoomed through an open gate and was out of sight within seconds. We were unable to find him in the heavily treed vicinity but true to his hungry little self, he came back within an hour to get a cookie. The move has upset both Hope and Romeo's routine and their bowels are letting us know that moving these guys around is not a great idea. We hope they settle out soon, in the meantime, the mop is getting triple duty and our paper towel, disinfectant budget is thru the roof. Marley still has not wagged that little tail of his. But it is coming. Yesterday when I arrived back from running errands, he raced down the hall, raced back up again and then slid into my legs for a hug. Getting his tail to wag is a number one priority around here. The sheep have proven to be a nice little peaceful interlude in the daily chaos of caring for the dogs and cats. They are so sweet and gentle and quiet...although, lately we have noticed that they are in fact just as big a begger as the dogs! We hope all is well with our friends and thank them for helping to care for the special ones here."