the dream for todd that did not happen.

Posted: July 4, 2009 at 5:09 pm

it wasn’t til last night that the real reality hit me…we were going to lose todd…i saw it plain and clear. up til that point, i honestly did not believe that we could possibly lose him….we were doing everything that could be done and i expected him to worry us for awhile but then rally and make it thru.

i just didn’t get it…everything we did was so RIGHT. we righted the wrong that had torn him from his mom on the day of his birth and placed him at an auction, alone and facing certain death. we brought him home in the back of my van and we religously cared for him…every feeding, every medication, a dozen vet visits  with ever appropriate and changing meds, treatments, IV’s,…every single step we took was what was right and good for todd..no regard for expense or workload…just a total committment to do what was right because right had not been done by him before.

and this morning i did the last right thing..i called the vet to come and help him die.

i was expecting a fucking fairy tale out of this…that babe was supposed to live and thrive and grow old and never, ever know how lucky he was. he was to think all cows lived like he did, in comfort and happiness and peace. he was to feel that humans adored him and he was forever a benevolent, beloved prince.

i failed. not for lack of trying, not for lack of anything at all except god’s gift of making a dying babe live.

percy was very distressed when carsons came for todd’s body…he chased after the man dragging our poor babe away. he was stopped by the gate where he stood and bawled and bellowed for the lost calf being taken away.

joy tried to comfort him, percy did not want comfort, he wanted that babe back again.
percy has seen too much death…he knows it as well as the slaughter house cows.

how did i let that happen to him?

7 Comments on "the dream for todd that did not happen."

  • Deb says

    How could you have changed what happened to Todd, Carol?

    You did not fail this animal, and your only mistake was hoping against hope that you could rectify the failure of society to place value on the life of a soul unlucky enough to be born a bull Jersey calf.

    SAINTS did everything it could to give Todd a second chance. The deck was stacked against him from the moment his short life began, and you and the staff and volunteers who worked so hard to reverse his fate did not fail. You willed him to live, you gave him every medical and spiritual opportunity to live, but it simply was not to be. Calves like Todd are born to die, and in order for that to change, in order to stop heartbreaking situations like this one from happening again and again there has to be a sea change. It’ll require the will of the people to stop deaths like Todd’s from happening.

    You did not fail, and if Todd’s story is told enough times, if people are sickened and angered enough to actually do something about the horrors of the farming industry, then he did not die in vain.

    He won’t be forgotten. Goodbye, sweet baby boy.

  • Heidi says

    Hey everyone! I’m sorry about Todd, sweet little boy! And feeling sad for Percy…poor young one. Thanks Sheila for posting the site for certified farms. I only buy free range eggs, they are more expensive but are worth it…for the animals and they taste better too! You can’t blame the farmers when there is a large demand for cheap meat….I will be buying more ethical meat…from places that treat their animals well…I know I will pay a lot more…so I will eat less of it. Hard to criticise other when I am conributing to the whole process. Glad the open house went well. Trev is good, I’m so so. Hope to be out soon!!

  • I am speechless that lovely Todd passed. He was my first calf I ever kissed & adored up close (open house weekend). He had the most beautiful eyes & eyelashes ever. His eyes said one thing… where is my Mommy. Sadly I knew this would never happen. It’s very sad what animals go through emotionally for us humans. I will always remain vegetarian for this reason! Carol you truly are a saint yourself. I love your heart & all your efforts! Thank you for giving Todd a great chance at life. May his spirit dance forever… & may his spirit reunite with his Mommy for all of eternity. Pls give Percy extra kisses & cuddles as I feel her sadness! Carol you did everything you could, mostly you gave him LOVE, he will always remember you for that.(I’m soooo sad).

  • Mia says

    Carol you didn’t fail Todd, the farmer who didn’t give him the minimal basics failed him. You tried and he at least knew love before he left this earth which is more important than any thing else.

  • Marion says

    Hi Carol, and everyone else, I had to check oon the blog as I needed to know how Todd was doing and I am sad about the loss of this poor wee babe, Carol you have done everything in your power to help this poor boy. Another angel got his wings too soon..Thank you fo everything you have done for Todd..

  • Marion says

    Hi Carol, and everyone else, I had to check on the blog as I needed to know how Todd was doing and I am sad about the loss of this poor wee babe, Carol you have done everything in your power to help this poor boy. Another angel got his wings too soon..Thank you fo everything you have done for Todd..

  • Marion says

    Hi Carol, and everyone else, I had to check on the blog as I needed to know how Todd was doing and I am sad about the loss of this poor wee babe, Carol you have done everything in your power to help this poor boy. Another angel got his wings too soon..Thank you fo everything you have done for Todd..and you did NOT fail Carol..

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