at the end of the day

you have to be prepared to pay for the choices you've made. i chose to set up saints, not as a democracy, not as a shared group endeavor, but as a one man show.

i don't mean i do this alone, because there is no way i could. our staff and volunteers enable me to be me. (hah! you guys are enablers!)

anyway i still carry the full and 100% responsibility for every single life here or out in foster care. and i did this intentionally, i know what i expect of me for them and because of this i WANT to carry that responsibility.

but it is a two edged sword. there are a lot of animals to ensure have enough clean food and water at all times. there are a lot of beds, bedding, floors and stalls to ensure are clean and dry. there are a lot of medications to keep straight for each one, there are a lot of illnesses and disabilities to be managed and the occasional medical emergency too.

sometimes, when i actually stop to think about it, i find the entire load crushing. but mostly i don't think about it as a whole, just as one tiny piece at a time.

so this was how tonight went, over the space of about 3 hours...one thing at a time, til it was all done.

i got home from work at 4:30 and cleaned up the accidents in the house.

i cuddled with bobby brown and told him i really want him to feel comfortable here. i topped up his food and filled a water bowl for the back room cats. i checked in all of the rooms and said hello to everyone in sight. (dixie chick literally looked me up and down, like i was total slime)

i checked endora's hydration, gave her some more soft food and changed her bed that she had wet.

i had a 15 minute cuddle with the guys on my bed. i reassured lucy that she was really just visiting, her family loved her and would be back in a few days.

i gave reggie heck for screeching and sent him out into the kitchen and stopped for a second or two for phoebe to lick my face off.

i made emily's bottles and then fed her and put her to bed.

i saw that aurora was still not well so with colleens help, set her up in a cage in the medical room. i started her on antibiotics in her water and pain meds in her food.

i cleaned up the gawd awful mess that ellie made in the barn....she had been left in and had dumped 10 gallons of water from the two buckets she could reach.

i apologised to the the barn guys that things were not going well, hauled over horse feed, cool calories and special hay for gideon from the shop. stopped again because some folks arrived and helped them load up half a skid of dog food for another desperate rescue. back to the barn and i got them all fed and put to bed and then filled the 100 gallon outside water troughs so they have water thru out the night.

headed back over to the mp room to feed and do up the diabetics. checked on the FeLV cats and they were good, and still had canned food from today left.

checked aurora one more time, she is comfortable, calm and asleep. fed frodo, said hello to stuart who is back from his adoption trial (his new girl friend did not like him and kept beating him up.)

back to the house to clean up the new accidents, that were not really accidents, more like frustrated anxious loose bowel attacks cuz i was out of the house for so long without taking the house guys along.

now everyone is comfortable, resting on good beds with plenty of food and water close at hand.

it is just after 8 pm and i have been on the move since 5 am..what is that?...a 15 hour day?

you would think i would feel sorry for myself...some nights i so do. you would think i feel like a super human hero..not really, hero's don't have sweaty shirts and BO armpits, hay in their hair, dirty hands and feet. (i really should quit trying to work on a farm in sandels, thats just stupid) and super human anythings spend their time saving the world, not shoveling shit and mopping pee.

so what do i feel?

A...i need a bath

B...i am hungry but don't feel like eating anything now.

C...grateful we made it thru another day without this whole house of cards falling down.

what a life.

updates

clara went to the vet today...severe gingivitis and probable kidney disease. waiting blood work results...because the vets want to do a dental and i want to do steriod injections and antibiotics instead, clara is very old.

felix's bloodwork is back....anemia, kidney disease and inflammation from probable soft tissue damage (hmmm, honey, how did you get that???) and i am sooo stupid, i forgot to ask the vet if i could start him on metacam for discomfort which is why we did the bloodwork so quickly in the first place...shit, now i will have to wait to ask til morning.

so why did i write this? because for me this is what rescue is. it is not fun. it is not horrible either, it is not all warm and fuzzy, it is not a continuous photo opportunity or the stuff for a best selling book..it just is what it is....boring and repetitive hard freaking work.

i think thats why i like it...it is simple and basic...they need, i give. its not rocket science.

today was a good day in rescue....(i think)