Rescue Journal

there was carol bawling like a babe again today....

Carol · Jan. 20, 2010

i can't blame it on peri menopause, nor on pms'ing..just on a simple truth inside me. i was talking to maggie and colleen in the shop...we were talking about a lot of interesting things...like how we came to be here today, some of the things i find hard....blah, blah, blah.....and maggie said, why do you feel the need to explain, to justify what and how and why you do this..why do you tear yourself up over worrying about this stuff?
you are our hero.

and i told them, it is because..part of me is ashamed.

i am not ashamed of the animals i live with, they are wonderful in every way. i think it is right that i live with them..i think it is right and good for them and they deserve to have someone love and live with them.

i am ashamed because i am actually able to live with them...i think deep down there must be something wrong with me to not only be able to be here, but to want to be here, day after day after day.

hence the tears...the hero on the outside is inside herself ashamed because she's a freak.

now that is another sucking truth in rescue.

Comments

Shame is such a powerfull & destructive emotion, we all have it , we all hide it, we all feel it.. I think it is the emotion that drives many of us to isolate ourselves , to pretend to be something we are not, to run from possibly good relationships and endless other reactions that prevent us from getting all we can out of life .. What I can tell you Carol is that when you post sometimes about the quiet moments at night in the house or an early morning walk & a moment touches you enough that you bring it here & share it with... what I feel is complete & total envy, there is nothing wrong with you, it is who you are & always have been & always will be. I have learned so much from you, not only about the animals, but about myself too .

Maggie

What have we come to as a society when the people, who do damage to innocent animals, and each other, get off scot free and people who work tirelessly to make things better feel ashamed of their commitment?
We have to stop absorbing the twisted judgment of others who, obviously, will never understand and stand tall knowing if it wasn’t for people like Carol the suffering would be that much worse.

Larraine

Hey you know what the saying is "The more people I meet the more I like my Cat/Dog/Cow/Goat lol. It's sad that we have to be ashamed of being who we are but I know what you mean. I think you are very special to do what you do. I wish I could do it.

Colleen

Willie, the husband is small and close minded. With certainly a lot of preconceived notions. Don't ever feel ashamed of your passions.

And you too lady! ( Carol )

Willie C.

I think I know (in a small way) what you mean. I used to have thirteen cats. They were all well taken care of and my house was always very clean. I loved every one of those kitties. But, whenever anyone asked me how many cats I had - I was embarrassed. There was always a shocked comment about how weird I was. Once, I was having lunch with a friend and her husband, she wanted to come by my house - he commented that if that were to happen, he would wait in the car. . .he was certainly not going into any house that had thirteen cats! I felt ashamed.

erin

dont be ashamed carol, be proud! you are better than us( maybe i should just speak for myself here), tho we are trying...you are DOING.

Carol

sorry..i probably shouldn't have posted this, didn't mean to make anyone feel sorry for me..it just surprized me when the truth actually popped out with the tears..i am deep down ashamed...wierd eh?

Hillevi

OMG! I wish that I had the guts to do what you do but I know that it is not within me. You are MY HERO!!! I WISH THERE WERE MORE "FREAKS" LIKE YOU, CAROL.