new keyboard...oh yay

feels different than my last one....new rule...no more eating of keyboards at saints! it was like trying to play scrabble with just crappy letters...i need r's and e's and t's and quite a few others to effectively communicate.

it was an ok day on some fronts, not so great on others. some really good help from the weekend warriors made the day pretty good on the whole. i fed and turned out the barn guys today and then got all of the dogs out for an early field run. my arm was sore from carrying chance who really wanted to come. i carried him down and back up again while hanging on to gwen's leash...not fun....for me...chance thought it was good.

bailey had to go to the vets today..he had a slice in his groin. i am thinking it was kodi herding with his teeth again but it might have been jesse who tries to jump bailey when i am not around. i am pretty careful to keep them apart unless jess knows i am in the room. jesse has a very healthy respect for my no biting rule but only when he can see me, the rest of the time he says doesn't count.

woh. Not me boss. My lips are, ah I mean WERE sealed

anyway, the vet clipped it and cleaned it but did not suture it so i will have to keep it really clean while it heals.

bailey is a BIG baby...touch it and he falls to the ground, whimpering which is why i sent him into the vet. tomorrow i will try flushing it with a syringe instead and see if he tolerates that better. at least he is not running the fence lines today dreaming of eating fresh goat.

Nope. I'm dreaming of SHEEP .....

the barn guys got booted down to the bottom pasture so i could harrow the upper field and repair it before the hot weather comes. my back and neck are sore from the jarring of the tractor but at least that job is finally done. tomorrow i will fertilize and maybe on thursday evening if we have some rain i can re-seed by then too. i don't want to leave it til the weekend cuz we need every single day of rain and sun possible to re-grow before the water disappears by the end of june.

healthy pasture grass is such a worry..it ranks up there at the top of my worry list...sick animals, no money, shitty grass for the barn crew....grazing animals need to be able to graze.

Barn guys in the lower pasture today

bibi is better but still not great...he is still barking sorrowfully a fair amount. i took him for the field run today and he forgot that he knew me so i had to herd him back up to the house. he has that "you are scary and i am afraid of you" look in his eyes whenever he is out of the house.

bibi would like to get the hell out of here but sadly he is stuck here now til he adjusts. can't even start looking for a foster or adoptive home until he is at peace with himself again. if i let him go too soon he will never again trust that he will be ok. he will just look at each new thing he encounters as somehow threatening, not something he is strong enough to overcome.

and that is the thing about confidence..once it is gone, it is hard to re-grow. but if you do it carefully and thoroughly, it will once again flourish.

that old adage.."whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger..." is only true if you follow through and learn what you need to know. can't skip the painful steps or opt for early release cuz then you just escape with the fear still inside you to cripple you for the rest of your life.

bibi really doesn't want to go thru this kind of powerlessness and fear ever again..better for him to learn that HE can overcome, HE can survive and He can find happiness and a sense of balance within himself again.

i will tell you that the animals who have really shitty lives fare much better in adversity than those who were always loved. i can not even imagine how tyra would fare if she was ever left by me at a shelter or a pound....i have cared for her for most of her life, she never needed to be afraid.

but larry? larry has dealt with a horrible life, neglected and physically scarred, up for euth in a overcrowded LA shelter. he was driven by total strangers for thousands of miles to this very strange and out of this world animal place...and larry has coped incredibly well.

We are seeking balance ... but some cheese may help us ....

he knows he can survive, he has been successful at it for all of his life. bibi needs to know that he too can prevail....bibi needs to find his power again so he can move on securely in life.

the best lessons in life probably hurt the most, so sad but very true.

Hey, I've sacrificed for the greater good for the last 14 years... sharing my home with your little circus freak shows. Its time I get alittle credit ... and by credit I mean canned cat food ... I'm hungry mommy.