i think the problem is..i was not even close to being ready to lose her.

Posted: June 28, 2010 at 10:35 pm

tonight i was laying on the bed watching a movie with daphne in my arms and i felt so bad because it was not tyra. i asked god to make this all a bad dream that i could wake up from and write about on the blog..he supposedly can make miracles happen but i already know he is not going to help me with this…she and i are just 2 tiny and inconsequential particles in the great scheme of things.

but then the thought occured….if there is not really a god..then that means there is no heaven either..and that means tyra is gone forever…i always did think the whole rainbow bridge thing was just another made up human fairy tale to help us cope with the loss of our animal friends. but i did have faith that there was something bigger out there….what if there isn’t?

hope may float til it sinks, but when it sinks it takes faith right with it.

i did not know this, it totally sucks.

Daphne’s Faith-Hopeful Adventure

(By Jenn Hine starring the little determined daxi)

What is that? Hope and Faith have sunk? …. are they in the pond I’ll get’em for ya….
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I don’t see them here …
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Hey furballs … have you see the FAITH and HOPE?
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Woh, here comes something …  it could be it … I’ll get it ….
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Nah it wasn’t THAT ball … how about this ball?
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Grrrr … doG dam hope-faith … argh …. if its not a BALL then what is IT?
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Well what exactly is faith and hope? Can I roll in it?
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Can I drink it? or lick it?
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I HOPE its this cookie and I have FAITH you will give it to me  
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Is it down low?
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or up high?
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Do only PEOPLE have it? Hey you people, can I have it …  I need it for my Mommy
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Hey Mom, I think maybe we’ve BOTH got it now ….
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10 Comments on "i think the problem is..i was not even close to being ready to lose her."

  • emma says

    I know what you mean. I am going to be upset if there is no God and I am nothing to make a big nothing stink about there being nothing and all my cats are nothing too. Crosses my mind when I loose a special friend. The thought of not seeing my old cat Kibble again especially would be horrible.

  • Lory says

    Sadly I don’t believe there is a heaven but I do believe SAINTS is heaven on earth for most of the animals that have passed through your gates.
    Tyra loved you and knew you loved her. Honour her by remembering that.

  • Brenda says

    I absolutely know that I will see all my past “animal loves” in another time and place – Nothing makes any sense if this is not true – and God/Goddess is going to ensure that. How’s that for blind faith? Gotta be….

  • Kim says

    I think that Tyra was your larger than life companion. The girl with the big paws and heart. She was at your side through the beginning of Saints. She was there through all the stages of Saints growth, all the new incoming assorted critters of varying physical and psychological needs. In their pool of need, she was your friendly, warm co-partner and their greeter. Carol, remember, you said awhile back that Tyra’s gift to you was “don’t take love for granted?” Well, I think Tyra would say to you now, “Hold Daphne tight.”

  • Mauro Salles says

    It’s a very painful and arduous journey and the profound sadness is inevitable. But the LOVE between you and Tyra can not be destroyed, it’s eternal. Remember in detail all the moments you had with her, even though the tears come. Write, talk, share with all who are there, including the “animals” (they also miss her). And dream with her.

  • Katie says

    I’m not sure how I feel about God, but I do believe there’s something else after life. At the very least, it’s what we see as the neurons continue to fire after our heart stops beating. At the best, who knows? When it comes down to the very basic of life, two atoms collided and made a molecule; but where did the atoms come from? That small question gives me hope that someday my energy (or whatever there is that’s left) will be reunited with all those I’ve lost along the way, or that in the next life I’ll be born as a tree.

  • Brenda McCormick says

    Beautifully done, Jenn – I love the pictures and captions!

  • Marla says

    My heart is breaking for you, Carol. Surely there has to be a heaven and a God, because he put you here.

    The Silhouette

    The silhouette stands boldly
    at the end of the hallway
    ears erect, eyes like jewels
    the tail, it softly sways.

    This wouldn’t be the first time
    I’ve seen her stand nearby
    his image clear as crystal
    from the corner of my eye.

    His visits I don’t share with some
    who think I’ve went over and beyond
    the grieving time they deem I need,
    they say I should move on.

    I sometimes pity people who
    have never felt just cause
    to share the bond between two souls,
    one with hands and one with paws.

    The silhouette reminds me
    what the others say is wrong
    for as long as breath goes through me
    there exists our mighty bond.

    When the Keeper calls me home
    and the Bridge gates open wide
    our bond will deepen ten fold
    as we walk through side by side.

    You see, I am the lucky one
    as I’ve been truly blessed
    for someday we’ll walk together
    as eternal silhouettes.

    No, I did not write this – what a wonderful thing if I had that much talent – but I very much believe what it says – I often think I see my past fur babies down the hall, or in the window, and very often in my dreams. Or in one of the many foster pups who come through my life.

  • lynne says

    very beautiful poem and it says it all.

  • Poppy says

    I personally do not believe in a GOD that can be taught through going to church every Sunday morning. And living with antiquated ideals that someone decided were ‘right’ and godly.

    My God is more the sort that appreciates individuals who are caring, loving and help others. People who spend their lives putting others before them and making a difference. Being happy, appreciating life, love and striving for something they truly believe in.

    20 years ago my brother died and I spent a lot of time researching ‘life after death’. To me that meant so much more than any religion could. So many stories of individuals dying and seeing the light.. Coming back so positive, so enthused for life and not fearful of what comes after. Has made me a less fearful person and one that is more willing to live each day in the here and now. Not dreading or fearing death.

    Not wanting to sound like a zealot at all but so many who have experienced life after death if only for a few moments have come out fearing little. At 44 no religion has afforded me so much. Most ruled by heaven and hell which I can do without. Take some time and google if you can. Might restore your faith in death.

    Night.

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