i am having a hard time assimilating myself to that other world that i saw.

still waiting to hear on the actual arrival dates of the last of the new ones coming in....i so want the dogs all in by the end of the week so everyone is settled before i go back to work on monday. the FIV cat from alberta i am not so worried about, except being free to pick him up from abbotsford airport. he will be in a holding pen anyway til he settles in.

we had to move jakey out of the house and over to the medical room...he was starting to hide out in the outside cat run where i could not watch him too well. this is the true problem with many cats who chronically spray..they are many times not emotionally strong cats.....they are anxious little, emotionally frail guys who spray to mark their belonging place.

too sad that they just don't ever feel really safe. anyway...he is sharing a floor pen with peter for now and i watched him eat last night when i delivered his canned food to his bed so that is alright. he will eventually feel comfortable in there and will be loose and wandering around...but that medical area is now full to capacity with the sick and the emotionally fragile so no one else will be able to get over to there. i hope the alberta cat is made of stronger stuff cuz he is for sure coming over to the house!!!!

late last evening we had visitors...one of the nurses i work with brought her dog out for me to look at her nose..laura was running buka and lady out in the field so i went over to say hello. i got so sad looking at percy and joy and emily...i saw ellie mae in my head wandering around out there too (she was actually snoozing in bed by then...but i could still see her in my head)

oh my god...the absolute incredible pure simple luck these four had in coming to saints..it took my breath away knowing what all of them had escaped. i am having such a difficult time getting those video images out of my head...and the circus elephants, chickens and lab animals too.

if god gave man dominion over animals...he made a terrible mistake....or maybe he didn't really..maybe we just lied and said that he did.

i still don't know for sure if there is a celestrial being looking out for this earth..but i want there to be cuz i want someone to fix us..to make us be better human beings. i don't think we can do it on our own...as a species we are too broken...too violently crazy. where does all of our anger and rage come from????

and this would be the problem with watching videos such as this...for me life became unreal and frightening. i can't look at the peaceful cows in our fields surrounded by the beautiful colors of the mountains autumn leaves...and not feel guilty.

we are living a fantasy.