i can't imagine euthanizing an animal here for want of a dental...even tho the cost of dentals now a days is higher than ever before.

i had lunch with mo today. we talked about a few things. i told her i had done my part of the interview with shelley (she is doing our promo video for the gala this year) so mo and laura are up next. shelley asks tough questions..some i am still thinking about today.

there is so much about saints that i can't articulate. i can't find the right words to put to the feelings, the beliefs that are inside of me. there are just some things that i know in my core have to be.

one of the questions was...how can we justify a couple of thousand dollars spent in vet care on a little old wrecked dog like daisy, who may never find a home? and let's be honest,..who may not even be alive in a year or two..old dogs only live so long. that same amount of money could help 10 younger and healthier dogs who will eventually find good long life homes.

i can't justify it and i can't say that daisy is more (or less) deserving then they. i can't weigh one against the other and pick who gets to live to see a new and hopefully better day.

all i know is..when we committed to daisy and said we would help her, there were no strings attached. it didn't come with conditions that she had to be good, she had to be well, that she couldn't cost too much money or cause too many problems or be easy to find a new home.

it has taken me six years to realize, financially, physically..we just can't help as many as we want to try. but that doesn't mean we have put limits or caps on the ones that we do help...i can't even imagine having $200 or $500 limit on someone elses life.

and don't get me wrong here..i make treatment option choices every day. i am not putting a 14 year old dog thru chemotherapy or a 15 yr old thru major back or knee surgery. it has nothing to do with the money, it has to do with the consequences of these kind of treatments and therapies...pain, the recovery, the quality of life effect near the end of their lives. there are non surgical interventions to maintain comfort for a 16 yr old with a torn cruciate, there are analgesics available to keep comfortable a terminal cancer victim, for a while.

but for daisy, the multiple surgeries done all at one time..the mammary tumor and bladder stone removals, the spay and the dental extractions....2 weeks and 2 thousand dollars later, she will be well again, those problems are gone.
so ok, she is still a bit crippled, she still has the spinal cord compression that occasionally screws up her ability to walk. but that doesn't hurt her, and it doesn't seem to bug or worry her so at this time for her, it is not too great of a problem.

i don't think i could live with myself if daisy's welfare and wellbeing and happiness came down to dollars and cents. my only concern was what was best for her and i comfortable in making decisions this way.

i understand why other shelters make their decisions in different ways. they cannot ride the roller coaster speeding towards possible de-railment..they are smarter and more focused on the long term than i. saints may very well die when i do..or maybe it will go on. if it does go on, it probably will be far different then it is while i am running the show.

but this is personal for me...this is about what i believe to be right. i can't live with myself if i think i am doing wrong things...i have to do what i believe to be right.

i can implement my big Plan...which i actually have done. i called all the vets today and set the new Plan up. and i am ok with this step..it will mean that we can't help as many, it will mean that far more will probably die, but it will also provide security that we can afford to care for the ones we are able to help...like daisy, with no strings attached to hang either her or myself.

i believe saints is committed by obligation to providing the care that each animal needs once they come into our care. i don't think we have the right to change our minds or add exclusions or exceptions to our contract to them depending on what needs they present.
for every animal here, past present or future..they have to be able to count on one promise from us...every decision we make on their behalfs will be because we truly feel that for each unique individual, it is the right one for them.

and i can live with that....i am actually ok at the end of the day with spending a couple of grand and still having an old and somewhat still wrecked (but not quite as wrecked) little, bitchy, but happy dog who may or may not ever find a new home...i am ok with with it, because daisy is ok with it, for her and all of the others here, we promise to simply do our best and for me...that feels right.