sometimes i wonder if i am a hypocrite…

Posted: October 8, 2011 at 9:12 pm

cuz here is the thing…when i am sitting on my side of the fence..i see things on my side of the fence. and i don’t necessarily care about someone else’s side of the fence as long as it is not sliding over and messing up my side.
make sense?

probably not.

when new animals come in here, if they are owner surrenders..i make people break off all contact from that point on. i don’t think it is the least bit fair to the animal to be slipping in and out of their lives and messing their heads and hearts up. from my side of the rescue fence, it is pretty damn simple….if someone wants to still be part of their life, then they shouldn’t be giving them away in the first place and they sure as hell shouldn’t be here.

sooooo..i just spoke to rick and flicka will be here tomorrow around 12;30 and then he will take dixie back to his place for boarding and training. and i fully intend to follow them back so dixie knows that i know where she is and it is ok. AND i will make a point of visiting her frequently in the beginning while she settles in and makes herself at home so she doesn’t feel abandoned.

now dixie is still our horse and will for now anyway remain our horse..i have no plans for this to change. if eventually someone great wanted to adopt her?…well i will cross that bridge if or when we come to it. but for now, her living location will change, but not who her family is.

but..i do have to wonder…besides the whole ownership issue..what the difference is between my feeling the need to stay involved in her life and my refusal to let others do the same.

i think it is because i am not abandoning dixie to the fickle fingers of fate..i am just sending her off to get some experience in a different part of a horse’s life, then just being used and abused on a race track and then suddenly finding oneself retired in a field full of ancient horses. she got the hard beginning and easy end of work and play life but not so much the vibrant and i hope to be…. her youthful fun middle.

anyway whatever side of the fence people sit on..tomorrow i am going to be feeling what a lot of owner surrenders do feel..that my beloved dixie won’t know why she is being taken away to a different home and i know, just like all of the animals who come here…for the first few days she is going to feel unsure and afraid.

sigh..i can feel those god damn floodgates squeaking open..and i freaking well know….tomorrow my tears are going to flow. i am messing with her life..i am messing with her herd..i am not so sure i have a right to do this.
i wish i knew how to give an active and fun life to a young horse but i just don’t. i only know how to give a soft and gentle life to the frail and elderly.
please let this be the right thing to do for dixie..i think it is..but i just am not sure.

No Comments on "sometimes i wonder if i am a hypocrite…"

  • Alison says

    I think it is a wonderful and selfless decision that you have made for Dixie. You will be allowing her to have the life she deserves. The life that she can’t have at saints. Her new home sounds fantastic.

  • Janet Nicholson says

    You are not giving her up – you are just sending her to “boarding school” where she can learn to be a young horse again and have fun – something she probably only learned once she came to you – as you say – you are not giving her up – she is still yours – and you can bring her home anytime – but it will still break your heart – but withouth your big heart, Carol, so many of those animals would not be loved and alive. And if she does not adjust – bring her back home!

  • nicolemc says

    meg and i will be out this afternoon, not sure what time because i got called into work but i’m hoping to be out of here by 11am.

  • Leila says

    Well Carol I think the only way you are going to solve this is to ponder on what you would do if an animal came to you under similar circumstances. If an animal came to you because SAINTS was a better environment for that animal and that is what he/she needed and the person who was giving you the animal loved that animal inside and out and was making the move for the sake of the animal, would you allow that person to come in and settle that animal into SAINTS or would you ask that person not to see the animal because it was to hard on that animal and lets say that animal was a horse because I know you are going to say it is different if the animal is a dog as oppossed to a horse. Lets also say that that person ended up being someone like me because I think you believe I am good animal caretaker (or at least I think you do) so it was up to you to find out what kind of person I was just as Rick as found out what kind of person you are.

    In your heart of hearts, you know what your true answer is to this scenario and that will tell you where you stand on this issue.

  • Brent says

    Carol, you are making a decision that you feel is right for your beloved Dixie. Who is to say it will even work. She might go off to boarding school and be a hag and have to come back home. Most likely she will blossom into the horse you want her to be. You want the best that life has to offer for all of the animals you are responsible for and this is no different for Dixie. You are minutes away and can visit her whenever you want. The rest of us will miss her terribly as we won’t have the luxury of seeing her grow into her new life. Remember those photos of her coming to SAINTS a shy, frightened, small in stature horse and look at her now. I can only imagine you will be impressed by her growth and development every time you see her and at the end of the day she is YOURS – you can always bring her home.

  • Carol Ann says

    We will all miss Dixie but we all want what is best for her. And if that means boarding school then that is good. She is so young maybe she needs more than just grazing and hanging out with the old guys. And if she doesn’t want that she comes home. Wishing you all the best Dixie, love you !

  • nicolemc says

    i don’t really see it any different than when went sent Cali to sheila and leila’s for puppy schooling.
    i think it’s different than when an owner surrenders to us, i think you need to think it more that dixie is out at a great foster home. no big deal. yes she’s separated from her family, but it’s a sacrifice that will bring benefits to her life.

  • Maryk says

    Carol,

    I don’t know a thing about horses. How they think, how they react to changes in their herd, etc.

    Because of that, I have a suggestion (and you may have already done this, ’cause you’re so on top of putting the animals first) – why not ask a knowledgeable horse person that you trust what would be best for Dixie?

    Best of luck. I know you’ll make the right choice when you have all the information.

    Maryk

  • christine says

    i see a huge difference.You cared enough to place her in a good home.You are easing her into the transition of a new enviroment.This is way different than just dropping off/or abandoning and walking away without a care to the anxiety that will be generated.You are living up to the responsibilities where others dont.When a pets owner walks away without so much of a transition period ,i think their sudden return causes
    that trauma to resurface.You are on the right side of the fence.

  • carly says

    If Dixie is up for adoption in the future…my aunt may be looking for a horse.She lives on a small farm now.Her father inlaw races Standard Breds.

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