insight

Posted: November 11, 2011 at 8:27 am

i got up early so the tyenol would kick in before i have to start moving..starting the day with a headache and a sore back pretty much sucks.

the dogs are all still sleeping so that is good..hopefully they stay that way for another hour or so.

morgan is the only one awake with me and she is in her new “i just love everyone” mood.

i am glad she is so perky and happy cuz i sure as shit am not.

and it’s not that i am in a “bad” mood either…i still think these guys are cute and sweet and utterly amazing (except for a few obvious exceptions who while are completely amazing, are truthfully short on the cute/sweet stuff.)

i am in another “worry” mood and that usually consumes and distracts and dumps a shit load of seriousness on top of me for awhile….but the good news is at least i am not all tied up with angry…just freaking emotionally and mentally spent.

now you would think in rescue that this is a bad thing…but it is not necessarily. when i get like this, i get softer and slower and more accepting…more patient….i just do not have the mental and emotional energy to get all hyperly freaked out and wound up about stuff….. or waste my remaining energy getting frustrated or mad. and i know i am treading close to the edge of a very large cliff so i naturally become more cautious and careful.

i think in rescue, you have to know yourself really well. you have to be as familiar and comfortable with the good and bad parts inside so that you can work with or around them. you don’t want to blow up your bridges or accidently commit rescue suicide.

it is so easy to look outwards and lay blame at a different door…but it is looking inwards i think that keeps you safer….i can have control over the inside of me..i do always have choices. but if i delegate all the unhappy difficulties and challenges to some other source…then i just become a victim of someone or something else.

better just to down the tylenol…walk down the worry road for awhile and accept that rescue life is never perfect or easy..it is what it is…until i decide to make it something different.

oh yay!! perfect timing..my back is now bending again…big freaking yay!!!

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