trying to figure this out.

dix had a decent night...she stayed sleeping on the laundry pile. she woke up when i went in first thing this morning so i gave her some more milk which she got up and drank a little of...and then she went back to her laundry pile bed and curled up again.

since she is accepting me in the tiny space in the bathroom with her..i actually could probably at this point grab her. it is not that she is too weak yet to get away or hurt me cuz she isn't..it is more like in the past 12 hours, she trusts me more to follow the rules.
physically she is more relaxed..i think she got enough of the meds in to at least feel more comfortable. i would like to hope that the antibiotic portion is actually making her better but i think this is not a simple infection and the antibiotics are more likely useless to whatever is going on with her..it is probably the metacam that has made her feel temporarily better.

and here is the thing..if it is her kidneys that are the cause of her recent and rapid downfall..the metacam is going to make them worse. i am playing god here knowing full well it is all a shot in the dark because i am not a vet and she is a feral sick cat who doesn't want me to touch her.

if she is truly dying from irredemable disease then i absolutely do not want her last few hours to be traumatized with catching her, transporting her, restraining and poking her in a clinic..she is too sick to sedate cuz the sedation will probably kill her even if i could somehow get it into her.
the question becomes..is this irredeemable disease or not? and i don't know the answer.

i get really frustrated when folks tell me about their sick animals that they are trying home medical treatment on without a vet assessment and careplan to guide them and here i am doing the very same exact thing because she is fully..not semi...feral.

does that make it right? probably not.

i need to think on this more and i can't take much time to think on it either.