i have to apologise...i f#'d up. i went yesterday to pay off the vet bills we have accumulated since zero balance day dec. 23 so we can start 2012 vet bill debt free....i was expecting 3 thousand or so between the three vets. ok my expectation was wrong cuz i had messed up and never did fully zero balance eastridge vet. for some reason i hadn't gone back and finished off the paying them but i thought that i did. anyway...so last night i sat down with the cheque book and the online bank account and figured out every thing to the very last penny...with yesterdays payroll to come out and the 2 grand for the last load of hay still to go thru, i think there is barely enough to pay all of the vets really off so i will try to achieve a real vet zero balance day today. but there is no money left for any extras..like dealing with the muddy areas out at the barn and i will have to dip into the money i put away for january's wages to pay the receiver general and saints liability insurences bills.
oh well, what's new? the juggling act continues but at least the outstanding bill balls will be not so many or so heavy. i wish i did have more of a money head but sadly i do not...actually what i really wish for was that charities did not have to worry about being sued or paying governments and accountants..i wish everything surrounding trying to do good was free! still waiting for that roast pigeon my mother told me about to fly into my open mouth...i suspect 2012 will be another long year of pigeon-less waiting.
so...my real concern for the day...
i will get dressed in a couple of minutes and go give pops his 6 am dose of pain meds. i think i will just continue on and get all of the barn guys fed and out in the field too, just like a normal day but one that starts a bit earlier. i want pops to be able to get out on the grass and graze a little and just be with his friends like he normally does.
once the vet arrives and the ending of life process starts, all normalcy for everyone disappears. i know now that this is right for pops and today is part of the deeply held promise we gave to him. and i know that in a couple of hours, pops will be free and forever at peace and i think he will be content with it.
but as pops' life ends and peace comes to him..there will begin great loss and pain in his farm family, both human and animal. watching percy especially acknowledge and cry out against another death, is always so very hard.
oh well..i will put that fear of his pain on the back burner and give them all a very good breakfast and an early but nice and cheerful start to another day.
please let pops and percy and everyone else be ok today.
amen