czar finally moved from his corner to his favorite wall. i think he was just that desperate to lay down....he always lays down to sleep at night. he hasn't laid down tho, i am sure he knows that he can't but at least he could then stick his head out of his window which does distract him a bit. such a rough night for him. he is somewhat calmer this morning but is he better or just exhausted from being up on his feet all night?
the vet basically said yesterday it will feel cruel to let him suffer thru the night and he was right. but he also said that if this was just a pulled ligament, it would be wrong to end his life.
here is the thing tho at czar's ripe old age.....in the end it really doesn't matter if there is a nondisplaced fracture (ie.. a still well aligned crack in the bone,) or if it is a soft tissue injury. both will eventually heal....what matters is what czar does with it..can he cope?
animals are not much different than humans in this respect..pain and the resulting disabilty are unique experiences. i have seen 80 year old women, frail as little ancient birds..trucking around with fractured hips, undiscovered for weeks after a fall. gideon, spritely and pops are (were) like that..against all odds, against all reason..those horses were (are) determined to keep trucking along. i have seen strong and healthy 30 year old humans laid up for weeks with a broken toe. i have seen humans and animals literally riddled with cancer, live and live well and happily for months while others are brought to their knees by a minor illness or injury.
and while i jokingly call the more pain sensitive animals (like odie...) big babies, they really aren't babies at all..it is just their personal experience of pain, illness and injury is more upsetting for them.
there are creatures who live by "i can't" and there are others who live by "i can." we all have our own uniqueness that helps determine this.
i don't know if today will be czar's last day or if he will choose to truck onwards. we will see what happens when the vet comes again.
the only thing i know as of this minute is...this whole fucking thing just totally sucks....
and...
i really do love you czar.
you know about those little old ladies.... they LOOK as frail as baby birds, but inside they're hard as nails. i don't know if it comes from age or life experience or pure determination... or all three.