thinking about czar

Posted: December 8, 2012 at 7:20 am

i think czar spent the majority of his life lost in averageness. he was not strikingly showy, or particularly agile or fast. i think he was just an average-joe horse under a saddle. and i think because of this, czar probably was in quite a few more homes than most. i wonder over his 30 years how many people even remember actually having him? i bet he was purchased and passed on again so fast that he left not too many memories behind on anyone.

i find the possibility of this so very sad.

since he came to saints, czar obsessed over belonging. for a long time it was gideon he attached himself to. he had to be with him…he had to be near him and no one else was allowed to be near him too. i would watch when a new horse came in and gideon would want to make friends..but czar would drive the newcomer off or move gideon away. czar finally really had someone of his very own and he wasn’t sharing.
i am not sure why czar suddenly transferred to flicka. but i think because he was so insecure in himself that when the opportunity arose, he wanted to bond with and be part of more power.
it is the whole herd heirachry thing.

when i looked at czar..i mostly saw his overwwhelming emotional need. i think he was a horse who had lived his life without feeling like he ever had anything.

i try to wrap my head around czar’s perspective of suddenly turning on gideon, his once only good friend. i have seen the depths of horses loyalty and caring to each other, including right thru illness and eventual death. but i think maybe in czar’s more emotionally barron life experience he never had the chance to explore those depths and discover what they really meant.

in the end, i think czar was a very good horse who had to live a lonely life. i think he struggled to feel he really and truly belonged anywhere in this life.

i hope where ever he is now..his heart is so full of how incredibly special he really was. i hope he is no longer worrying…i hope he believes that he does forever belong.

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6 Comments on "thinking about czar"

  • Bunny Horne says

    Czar, you likely felt like many us, trying to fit in and if not able to fit in to be stellar in some way so we mattered. You absolutely were SPECIAL. I hope you felt love and kindness from your years at SAINTS Rescue. Be at peace Sweet Czar – it was an honour to have spent time with you.

  • Penny says

    I like Bunny’s comment. In the end, Czar DID belong and had a large family of humans and animals who loved him. No-one can ask more than that, to spend your last few years surrounded by love and caring. I’m sure he knew that.

  • Carly says

    Czar was a very handsome and well loved horse! ALL horses are beautiful! It’s a shame that horrible humans see them as $$$. Animals that come to your rescue Carol get to find out what love is even if it is their last home.

  • Carol Ann says

    RIP Czar. I really cared about you too.

  • Mo says

    He was a great horse and now he runs with his barn pals who left before him. They are all still with us..of that i have no doubt.

  • Anita Sondraal says

    Through my tears I write this….. you were different and wiser, strong and regel, a friend to all, a teacher to many, and one day I will ride off into the sunset with you my beloved friend. We cannot do great things in life, only small things with great love. Mother Teresa. Too all who loved him, God Bless! I will never forget you and miss you always.

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