more whining

Posted: December 23, 2012 at 7:32 am

we lost 4 animals in exactly one week..mango, rocky, wilma and smokey..plus i was still wrapping my head around czar’s sudden loss the week before, and i was worryng about the current sick ones on top of all of the regular stressful shit that seems to like to go on here…rushing around between saints, work and vets, a couple of hard to ignore relentless nutbars, short staffed days, no heat, no hot water, fishtailing down icy hills …. it is no wonder my blood pressure decided to blow. it really has been a couple of difficult weeks.

here’s hoping it settles down around here for a little while.

it is fine to say take a break…delegate. but how do you take a break or delegate away the things you have no control over. i can’t delegate the decision making of things like czar’s accidental injury and ultimate death. i have to really struggle to figure out what is actually happening inside him and what is the right thing to do. i can’t just shove that on other shoulders, hoping they figure it out correctly for him too. i cannot control or delegate the outcomes we suffer due to the weather or how many sick animals we have at one time or how many of my friends die every day. these things can’t be put on hold while i take a break to catch my breath. some days..some weeks…some months…running a rescue is just really stressful.

but yes, i can take better daily care of myself..i can quit smoking, eat better, lose weight, maybe work outside of saints a little bit less. but i tell you what pisses me off…it is just four more things that i have to struggle to change and fix because i am the one responsible for everyone here.

it sucks and today, i resent this.

11 Comments on "more whining"

  • Maggie says

    I get it but it will suck big time if something happens to you. I know there are vet appointments where you have to be there but the rest…maybe you could give me a call, for instance.
    I think this is why we need to get together and isolate the things we can take over.
    Carol, the bottom line is you can’t go on like this but the good news is there are many of us who want to help. Accept it.

  • Linda says

    It’s the time of year to count your blessings, and you have many.

  • Margie (Bodhi's mom) says

    I used Wellbutrin (aka Zyban) to quit smoking. It was amazingingly easy. Good luck!

  • lynne says

    could yo u post a pic of wilma with a little writeup of her. did not even know she was gone. thanks carol.

  • Carol says

    it is already posted lynne..dec 18

  • Bridget says

    that is SUCH a lot of loss, Carol. 🙁 i’m sorry.

  • lynne says

    dsmn thanks carol i must have missed that post completely. is it alright if i bring the dogs some pizza for christmas and the barn animals some fruit

  • lynne says

    what a beautiful writeup carol on wilma. i must have missed that day completely she really was a soft, warm, and very sweet girl who you just wanted to squish in your arms.

  • Carol..I sorry to hear about more deaths…With respect
    I cann’t see you delegating your responsibility(s)big or small it’s just not who you are…I’m glad to have seen you at the Vets…just so you don’t think that my cheese has (or/is) slipping off my cracker,**Again**lol.. Red has Hemnaigosarcoma almost exclusive to dogs thus my dog cancer comment,rarely in cats,rapidly growing highly invasive can’t use chemo ect.. He went in to check weight loss,wait two weeks then blood work,Shit one wk later John found lump size of golf ball and growing, David put him on Clavamox,(thought it was infection)back to vet…Operation removed mass in sack with muscle for good measure… now we wait to see if it returns (3 mths) or not.sorry to spew this on your blog ,thanks for reading delete if you wish.Cathie K

  • Carol says

    that is the same kind of cancer that smokey had cathie and he did really well for quite a long time. hope red does even better!

    merry xmas to you and john (and red, oscar and charlotte!)

  • Mo says

    Cathie, so sorry to read about Red, hoping the cancer doesn’t return and if so, he couldn’t be in a better place, your kind heart ( the one on your sleeve )will bring him comfort and guide him when his time arrives.

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