today was ok

Posted: March 24, 2013 at 6:36 pm

my headache wouldn’t quit and every time i coughed it felt like the top of my head was going to pop off. just in case..i held my head when i coughed! i picked up some cough medicine with codeine..it gives me a couple of hours of relief. the headache is probably the leftover stress from yesterday.
anyway..there was lots of help here so i did make it thru the day.

odie was ok today…he gets up to pee and eat and then he pretty much goes back to sleep. but he is a bit sketchy…ready to snap or bite even over a gentle stroke so we gave him lots of space. odie just doesn’t do well with illness, pain or stress and he has more than his fair share of all three right now.

it feels empty without fletch but it also somehow feels less electrically charged. you guys don’t need to worry about me…i will be fine. it is just a bit of a sorting thru process of loving, grieving, hating, regretting and yet relieving and it mixes me all up inside. it is so conflicting for me to have purposefully ended his life.

anyway..i get that it wasn’t “right”..it is never right to take a life but i believe that it was necessary.
necessity sucks big time.

odie and i both made it thru today ok and i am upset that fletcher did not. and that’s just the way of the world right now.
and this too sucks.

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