delusional

since today is a single day off..i am pretty specific is what I am doing. finish off the area for Crosby/jingles and fluff and get them all moved... get the bushes and plants in before they die off abandoned in waiting pots....get leah back to her foster home if the vet says she is ready and get the insurance on Deanna's car switched around so it can be sold to clear off estate debts.

I am worried about my arm holding up, it is totally f#%$'d and getting worse every day. it started as a small injury when I was getting fletcher off odie but it has turned into a stubborn tendonitis and I am able to do less and less. I can't even lift a milk jug or pull wet laundry out of the washer with it anymore..totally sucks because I need 2 relatively decent arms to get thru my day.

speaking of fletcher, that area that I am cleaning and fixing up is where that horrible incident occurred. michelle has given me a bunch of wild bleeding heart plants and I am planting them in the exact spot that turned all of us upside down and led to the loss of fletch. it is another way for me to put salve on a wound that probably just will never heal. grieving for fletcher is so much more complicated than grieving for most of the others...it sucks but it is what it is and it will go on for quite a long while.
hopefully my arm doesn't take as much time to heal.

it seems I fix up one screwed up part of my body just so another can step up and bring on more pain. what really sucks is this getting old shit where my body is bound and determined to make me pay for actually living each day. I have periodic episodes with my Achilles tendons, plantar fascititis in my feet, my spine is totally screwed with arthritis and my knee keeps crapping out on me. it takes weeks to months to get them to stop hurting and then one day, oops... something flares up again. I find as I get older, the weaker everything becomes inbetween, and it basically takes very little to irritate one of them again. up til now my arms have been ok...oh yay... guess now that too has changed.

20 year old bodies are wasted on 20 year olds..stick this old mind and soul in a younger vessel and i bet I could take over the world.

maybe that is why god created growing old to keep us from getting too far out of control.
scary thought..me loose and running amuck in a young healthy body. super suck to the rescue..i shudder to think of where I might go. so maybe my aging aches and pains are a leash to keep me safely at home.

thank goodness tho he gave us Tylenol, helps with changing the "I would if I could" to "i can and I (sort of) will " aging delusions...
just give me a pain pill and 20 minutes to work and we'll see what maybe I can get up to today.

hope floats it involves digging holes.

Nicole? can you fix akismet, please and thanks? there are tons of spam getting thru to the comments for approval...I keep getting rid of them but more pop in.