i get lost sometimes

Posted: March 12, 2014 at 10:33 pm

i get lost in the babble of voices telling me how to be me. and it finally occurred to me today…open my eyes, look around me…look at my family, look at my nursing, look at these animals, look at saints.
holy shit carol, am i freaking crazy? i am doing it..i am being the me that i wanted to be. and i have done it by not being perfect, by being humanly flawed, i have done it while being who i am and not someone else.

erin and i took pac and luna swimming again tonight and i realized..both of those dogs adore me. almost all of the dogs adore me and those that don’t?..well…. they still like me a lot. all of the animals here like me..whats not to like? i not only gave them a kind and decent home with top quality care but i gave every single one of them, past, present and future something that no one else would…a dignified second chance.

count the animals here that have touched me, count the ones that have passed away, count the ones that were lucky enough to be moved in with fosters or were adopted. those animals hit the end of their roads and ended up…here.

i have been babbled to death and i have heard it all..i suck because i am not vegan, i suck because someone doesn’t like what i write on the blog, i suck because i bring up a few hopeless wrecked seniors from the high kill LA shelters every couple of years, i suck because i euth too early or i suck because i euth too late, i suck because i dared to help senior horses, i suck because i won’t let the barn guys eat grass clippings, i suck because i don’t smile enough and i suck because i do not say thank you enough. i have even sucked for not being a lesbian (go figure that!)….i suck and i suck and i suck…

except the 650 last chance, old wrecked animals that i have taken in here say…in the grand scheme of things…they don’t really think i suck all that much.

in any case..however much i suck and in however many ways..please tell me what does that have to do with the animals that we work so hard to save?
do you think they still need vet care? do you think they still might like to be fed? do you think they may want a soft and clean bed with a decent roof over their heads?

i have got to stop being baffled and babbled to death by the bullshit of rescue. it sucks the will to rescue right out of me…
pretty fucking sad for the animals who actually need me when i am so lost in the never ending babbling BS of rescue that i sometimes don’t know where i am.

10 Comments on "i get lost sometimes"

  • pam in Oz says

    You dont suck. keep doing what you do. There are currently 650 reasons why you dont suck…and you are heading for 1000.

  • Ali says

    I can pretty much guarantee there’s far, far more people out there that think you’re awesome. Strength in numbers.

  • Susan H says

    You so un-suck it isn’t funny! :). Don’t forget the people out there that think you’re pretty damn amazing!

  • janet nicholson says

    Don’t let them get to you, Carol. If the animals were asked their opinion of you – you would be covered in gold stars! The people who try to bring you down are just ashamed they will never attain what you have – you save lives – at S.A.I.N.T.S. and in Nursing – and you make sure everyone you touch is treated with dignity and kindness – don’t ever change – and I’ll bet even Carl likes you!

  • Barb H says

    As you said, the animals love you and they are the ones that matter. Keep it up!

  • Fiona says

    I don’t think you suck Carol and neither do all the animals you have rescued. The lesbian comment did give me a chuckle.

  • penny says

    Until any of these people have the strength to walk in your shoes, they have no right to criticize.

  • penny says

    Whoops – don’t know where that first sentence came from in my previous comment. I sure didn’t write it.

  • Brigid says

    Why is it that we hear the negatives so much more easily than the positives? There are many, many people who think you are awesome, Carol – and certainly the animals think so. Don’t let a few ignorant, narrow-minded people get you down

  • Carol says

    it is because we are human brigid. if i am in a room with 100 people who like me and the 101st person walks in and pees all over me…who am i most going to think about in that room?
    the pisser of course..it is basic human nature.and it is counterproductive because that is exactly what does give pee’rs power…one person can change the world. it is just a matter of choice if it is for bad or for good.

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