the naked unsaint.

Posted: December 24, 2015 at 7:52 pm

super exhausted..physically, emotionally, mentally.

sometimes i wish i had what all of these guys have…someone who not only deeply cares about them but is committed and fully accepting of them.

no one is ever going to love me, not like i love that little bastard one is ever going to say i am 100 percent fine, exactly as i am.

and this is because like everyone else in this world, i am a human and we just don’t give our fellow humans the kind of slack that we (at least at saints) give to a mentally messed up dog.

on my weak days, like them, that is what i need..just to know that i am ok and have great value to those around me.

but like you, i sometimes only tune into the whispers, the innuendos, to the silence that somehow conveys..that today i just really wasn’t all that great.

when i let it…it erodes me.

just like it eroded these animals i am so determined to save.

and that’s the human part of rescue…standing out in the open… stripped naked..old, fat, homely, forgetful, thoughtless, confused, exhausted..trying to somehow responsibly, effectively, honestly and compassionately get thru another long mentally and emotionally over filled day.

rescue takes away the walls we used to hide behind. it leaves us open to become the judged. there is no pride or privacy or illusions left to protect or hide faulty human parts. there is no advocate to interpet our mountains of exposed and sensitive feelings and thoughts….we are as voiceless as the animals, sometimes struck dumb from the utter loneliness of it all.

and that is what sucks about after fucking day. making the choice to accept this living in an airless vacuum of singular public humanness which isn’t very safe.

however…it occurs to me that what i deep down seek, the accepting arms of a compassionate guardian, stands right before me. it may not be human eyes who light up when i walk into a room. it may not be human hearts that sees my true worth. there may be no actual arms to hold me and keep me safe but there are many open and welcoming hearts to surround me.

it may just be the broken and discarded that willingly embraces all that i am.

but i guess we are a good match.

i give them all this naked broken has to offer and they in their own broken nakedness assure me, it is enough for today.

5 Comments on "the naked unsaint."

  • anja says

    It’s not without irony that stripping bare can make one’s true worth less visible. Sort of a double injustice. Yet, in some perverse way this apparent paradox seems a necessary “condition” for doing the real things.
    Merry Christmas to you, Carol!

  • Ali says

    I love you, Carol. Just the way you are. Look no further than those who surround you and you’ll find many who echo my sentiment.

    PS- no one is 100% fine. It’s a myth.

  • Penny says

    You do what most people could never do, Carol. You have a huge fan-club and so much admiration. You’re way too hard on yourself.

  • Marylynn B, says

    It takes a special kind of person to pour so much of herself
    into her rescue work and then have a piece or her heart broken
    when each loved creature dies. I love you.Carol and all that you
    do for these special animals.

  • Carol A. says

    no words can adequately convey my deep respect for what you manage to give of yourself day after day for those who are in need… human or animal. I am sure those humans who look to you and your hands for assistance also open their hearts with gratitude, though they too may be broken or unableto put thoughts into words. or have built walls so high they cannot see over them.

    Merry Christmas Carol. Merry Christmas and may each day be gifted with moments of laughter and warmed by sweet purrs and the welcoming chorus of barkers happy to see you coming through the door!

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