Posted: April 23, 2016 at 8:00 am
yesterday i got in a double vet run, a pharmacy run and a barn feed run done before my ankle crapped out.
actually not true..the ankle was already crapped out, i just did that stuff anyway until it hurt so much, i couldn’t do more.
my recent complaints about my breathing and ankle pain are not to garner sympathy or hero status, nor are they to justify an inherently laziness in myself.
they are about my increasing struggle to do the physical stuff around saints.
this presents a huge problem for me because saints still needs me to do some physical things.
and this is a very real reality in rescue…
rescuers physically deteriorate as we age.
it is frustrating and scary.
5 years ago hauling around miley or cheyenne was a piece of cake. even a couple of years ago i was able (but barely) to lift non weight bearing 150 pound capone into the van by myself for his emergency after hours final trip to the vet.
i could not do that today.
where did the strength that the animals could count on suddenly go?
it goes the way of all living creatures who are lucky enough to live until they grow old.
so here is what i am learning about aging from a personal perspective.
old, wrecked, painful does not determine quality of life.
quality of life about is about adjustment, it’s about compromise, it’s about accepting challenges while trying to work thru them.
it is also about faith that we still do have altered value just maybe not the previous value we were used to.
the animals have taught me..one day at a time. we will live tomorrow when today’s living is done.
i don’t know that old brown buddy misses running the farm for hours at a time. at 18 yrs old now, he now likes a brief farm foray and then heads back to the house to wait for his lunch. he now certainly thinks lunch ought to come sooner and in greater quantity than it sometimes does. but i don’t think he is missing those hours of youthful runs.
humans are different…we live in today, tomorrow and yesterday…we keep all of our days past, present and future shoved inside our brains. we mourn for our losses, we yearn for what we do not have.
i can make the adjustments, i can compromise, i can accept the realities forced upon me in life.
but can i do it without regret, without fear, with the grace of brown buddy? of kassa blanka? of raven?
probably not, and that totally sucks.
i wish the powers that be had made me more like them.