clarity in living

Posted: January 10, 2017 at 11:22 pm

if you can strip away all of the feelings of stress, of frustration, of bewilderment, of anger, resentment and wishful thinking…. if you can strip away all of the distractions of how we feel while engaged in life. if we simply watch..observe…experience…participate without writing those damn story lines in our heads about the how, or the why or the personal shit to muddy up the waters..living is interesting and challenging and it can be fulfilling..if we look at it and see it clearly.

life is an onion.

peel the onion, layer upon layer and strangely each layer becomes something else that is no longer an onion, maybe an enigma?

not sure what it really is except mostly not what i have been telling myself for all these years.

i had the basics right…the love of animals and people, a sense of responsibility…a duty to stand by the side of the vulnerable. i figured out about the smoke and mirrors, the politics, the ego shit…the dishonesty, the nastiness. i learned about the doubt, the fear, and i learned to swallow my incompetence while being a stumbling moron trying to achieve an idyllic world.
yeah right…time to pull my head out of the sand.

the biggest and most frequent mistake i have made was thinking that life could and should be right and fair. that you could insist that life act with honor, with kindness, with respect, either by force or example or even tantrums and tears.

and then donald trump was elected and suddenly everything changed…all of my preconceived ideas of how the world was supposed to be, swirled away from me. and i started thinking, and thinking and thinking. i began to dream again in my sleep, and i honesty have not dreamed very much in years. and i looked back thru history comparing it to today..century upon century…so much horror, so much cruelty and pain, so many lies, so much ignorance..devastating both human and animal lives. yet alternately so much goodness, kindness, knowledge and understanding…sometimes the light and purity of the human soul was blinding in its beauty.

i figured it out…we have always been a conflicted species and we haven’t changed.

and you would think that with the frightening catalyst of trump in the White House that i would have become depressed, saddened beyond belief. and i was..disappointed and stunned… for a time at least. now i feel kind of free. i don’t know how long it will last before i start writing stories in my head again that frighten or hurt me or make me yearn for fantasy. but for now i am done with all of that…it may only be temporary but maybe it’s not.

so here it is…
life can be good, or it can be bad, it can be filled with kindness or cruelty. it can be filled with hope or despair..it can be, and many times is… grossly unfair. it can be all of these things at various times as all of us live…humans, animals, forests, the creatures of the deep blue sea. none of us get the chance to put in our preferred special perfect life order… we just have to deal with whatever it is.

i want to live as a good person. i want to work towards dignity and comfort for all living beings. i have a brain, a heart, and a soul to use the best way i can. i can’t stop life from breaking bodies, spirits and hearts..i can’t stop mankind from wallowing in hate and anger and violence, i can’t make global warming go away and when it is raining, i can’t make the freaking sun shine either.
all i can do…all any of us can do is..get up each morning, put one foot in front of the other and deal with whatever it is that life sends.
decisions, actions..free will to choose, to act…those are life’s tools that i firmly hold in my hands.

it is enough to wake up and breathe, to feel my heart beat, to step forward, engage and greet…. life, whatever it means, the best that i can.

one day trump too shall pass.
and mankind will go 2 steps forward and one step back.

life is complicated but living is simple, just be and do the best that i can.

5 Comments on "clarity in living"

  • Cathy says

    Wonderful perspective. Trump has also been in my thoughts as well after having put him on the back burner but he is so hard to ignore with everything he does – especially those tweet comments. I cried last night listening to Obama’s address as well as while I was waiting for the light to change to go from Lougheed Highway to Dewdney Trunk Road. A man (perhaps in his 30’s) had a sign saying homeless, etc. By the looks of him he just didn’t strike me as being a drug addict. He also had a dog with him who was properly leashed. They both looked in pretty good shape so wondering if he is someone who truly has slipped through the cracks. Someone gave him $5 but I couldn’t get any money as my purse was in the back seat. I feel I should see if he is there again today and offer him a meal as well as the dog. Well I didn’t intend to go on like this but here you have it.

  • Penny says

    Many years ago when I worked in Vancouver, there was a ‘down-and-out” man who would stand on the median at the corner of Cassiar & & Lougheed. He was there for years and everyone knew his name. He never begged for money, although people gave it to him. He was the happiest, most cheerful soul and was always smiling and saying nice, positive things to everyone. Sometimes it took three light changes to get through that intersection in rush hour, so many of us had long conversations with him. He told me once that he had stomach cancer. I never heard him complaining. At the end of an often exhausting, frustrating day at work (and an hour’s commute ahead to get home) his smiles and optimistic attitude were like a tonic. He was estranged from his family. When he died, hundreds of people turned up at his memorial service in East Vancouver, most apparently who only knew him from the Cassiar/Hastings median (the press were there to cover his story). His children also attended the funeral and were stunned at how many people cared for him. My point of this long story (which you reminded me of, Cathy) is that you don’t have to be a powerful public figure, someone who the world sees as important and influential, to make a difference in people’s lives. It’s so true that the small things count.

  • Caroline says

    I follow Russell Brand and really like what he says in this Trews episode. I think he’s bang on.
    Maybe by listening to this, Trump will make more sense. He would not have been able to get in if something was not broken. We need to fix what’s broken, not just in the US but all over.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3Ou5uFFn8Q

  • Cathy says

    Whoa perhaps my comments have a result of things going completely off track here. I agree with Carol about Trump, etc. My comment about the man and his dog were about society in general. I think the fact that there was a dog involved made it something to think about because of what SAINTS is all about. I did enjoy your post Penny.

    Caroline – I just have to say though that you do realize that Russell Brand is a bit of a nut bar.

  • Caroline says

    He’s seen as a bit of a nut bar but if you listen to him, he is actually quite intelligent.

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