For those who choose to provide palliative care to the SAINTS animals, it is a rocky road of joy, and sadness and hopefully, peace. The peace comes when deep in your heart you know that you helped that animal find peace too. Death is not the heart breaking monster, life is. It is their barren lives and the possibility of their lonely cold deaths, unwanted and unloved that is the real monsterous thing. Once they come to us, whether for a week or a year or even a moment in time, we have slayed that lonely monster and bandished it forever from them. The SAINTS do not die in lonely backyards, or cold, cement kennels, or shelter back rooms, or afraid in sterile vet clinics with strangers around them…they die in our arms with our tears upon their face. And that moment of death means nothing, except the gentle end of this life that they had. And with us, the life that they had as they meet the final end is one that is warm, and loved, and full of peace. This is what we focus on, and what we remember each and every time we bear witness to their passing. Their death is our loss, and yes it wounds our hearts, but it is a little wound that heals quickly because it is a wound knowingly accepted to give them a life that they felt was cherished. People ask me does it get easier…and honestly, it depends…did we meet our goal and were they happy, did they have enough time to feel truly loved, did we plan their end well enough to meet their needs and how deeply did they bury themselves in our hearts til we got there. They never really leave us, we carry them each and every day and they help us to find what we need to be there for the next one. Thinking of all of this and remembering each life’s ending as I wrap my heart around them, and mostly remembering every single smile upon their face before they left us…that is how I get thru each day and not fear tomorrow.