Author Archive

thank you.

Posted: September 24, 2017 at 8:10 am

it was a really great night last evening at our gala. so many super kind, generous and supportive people gathered together to assist our saintly crew….i just want to cyber hug everyone and send out a huge heart felt thank you.

i also want to recognize all of the hard work, all of the attention to detail that pulled the event off so well. kudos to sheila and leila for spearheading the event and putting in so many hours and hours and days and weeks to make it a success. kudos to all of the people who helped them in any large or small way from donors to go-fers and anything inbetween. great thx to nat and annette for not only their professionalism in hosting/mc’ing but also their intrinsic grace in bringing us all together in those moments of caring and celebrating saints.

big thx to erin for animal sitting for the evening so i never worried for one single moment about what was happening at home.
and more big thx for all of the volunteers here saturday morning helping us get the animals well taken care of before we took off for the night.

it takes a village…or maybe an army but yesterday from the moment i opened my eyes until 1 am when i closed them again….saints animals past and present were safely held in literally hundreds of caring hands, hearts and minds
!

saints welcomes Sue-Sue (by erin)

Posted: September 22, 2017 at 8:49 pm

Meet SueSue! Picked up as a stray wandering down the road in one of our neighboring cities, SueSue found herself with nowhere to go. Her owner refused to claim her so lacking the proper facilities she was passed around a bit and landed a temporary home, but she needed something more permanent. SueSue is friendly and curious, but very timid. She is also tiny! Soon she will know that she is here to stay and that she can trust us to care for her, cater to her, just generally make her a happy pig who loves life, every day of it. For the rest of her life.
Welcome to Saints SueSue!

do unto others…

Posted: September 22, 2017 at 8:41 am

i believe in many things but mostly i believe in what is real.
blood, sweat, tears, bodies, minds, hearts and that indefinable spirit that is unique to each individual.
we are organisms much the same as others and yet we are each different.

and that makes us special. that makes us alive.

every man, woman and child, each dog, cat, rabbit or goose..there is something inside us every one that is different than another who looks like us.

it is odd that sometimes sameness defines us but it is diversity that clarifies us in detail.

when we view each animal in our care as one of a kind, uniquely special, worthy of every effort we can possibly find..it makes the decision making a little bit easier.
there will always be regrets..fletcher’s and lance’s and mini me’s….duke’s, darby’s, daisy’s….unhappy endings in a world full of unhappy lives.
but not only do we need to keep trying, we need to not erase difficult moments, difficult lives. our failures to help or protect them was not their failure in life.

we will never be able to save them all..we won’t even be able to save all the ones who come into our care. but we won’t erase them from existence, from our thoughts, from our memories either.

every creature, human and animal deserves at least the thought of a second chance. exploring options, open discussions, brain storming solutions before that immovable brick wall that life is over is met. and if they finally must cross over that wall between continued life and death, we need to recognize their struggles, acknowledge their intrinsic value, shout out to the world the overwhelming grief, regret and sadness that even in their broken-ness, they were still heart wrenching beautiful.

death is not always the actual monster, sometimes life is.
but we never take the death of another for granted…for what we do know is…life is precious to each of us and each of us seeks to continue in hope that life can be better.

we really do try to make it better whenever we can.

zzzzzz

Posted: September 21, 2017 at 6:28 pm

i have been away for a couple of days at the cabin, huge thx to the staff for covering for me. i spent the first 24 hours mostly sleeping..15 on and off hours, unconscious in dead to the world mode. i actually became somewhat alarmed and thought i might be sick or turning into rumplestiltskin! but by the second day i was awake and doing stuff, a ton of laundry that i brought with me from home, organizing storage and shelves, pulling out the furniture and giving the floors a corner to corner cleaning, and just generally getting the cabin ready for winter. i watched several movies, made myself actual breakfasts, lunches and suppers…you know normal living stuff and i do feel a little bit renewed.

a bunch of stuff has been going on at saints…summer continues to need wound care for a previous surgery to her knee. the vets took the bandage off again and we are hoping this time it remains fly free. carl had some repeat blood work. we think he is doing a bit better but we will see what the blood work says. mo and i have been discussing his winter housing now that he has joined the ranks of the elderly and frail. we have a couple of ideas but will need some tool savy folks to help us implement some housing adjustments.

there have been quite a few vet runs over the past week or so…little bear is getting his cushings med dose tweaked which means a few trips back to the vets. pixie had quite a bad ear infection but with treatment is now feeling better. sailor bob has taken a bit of a nose dive so he was in today for blood work too. tang and huckleberry finally came off the in and out monitoring list..both of them were slowly recovering from extensive dentals. a few of the fosters were also in at the vets…the combined medical care for all of these guys at times is financially painful.
hopefully we have a really successful gala this weekend so we can pay off a huge chunk our Mount Everest sized vet bills.
hope floats…

it was good to be away but it is jumping back in with both feet as soon as i walk back in the door.
i think i need to figure out how i can regularly rest and de-stress just a wee bit more so i don’t waste the first 24 hours off time in some kind of sleep induced coma.

fancy free

Posted: September 16, 2017 at 9:09 pm

new senior cat today…she is a beauty, gorgeous girl. sadly she was declawed a couple of homes ago in her youth and has had serious litter box issues ever since. her last home hoped that with unlimited vet care and a willingness to search out and trial every possible remedial option that she could be cured. but the problem is not really that fancy mistakenly pees in all the wrong places, it is that fancy is sensitive and that causes her to be anxious and sensitive and anxious cats who pee inappropriately are nigh near impossible to re-litter box train. peeing on stuff is their way of nervously saying..hey i belong here, this is my place, really, i do, please don’t make me feel unsafe. they are like some poor little kid desperately holding on to his lunch kit when the bigger and scarier lunch stealing kids show up. to cats like fancy fear quakes inside them and possible threats lurk around every corner.

its not hard to find the root of her emotional problem…a young innocent cat wakes up minus 10 really painfully gone toes, it hurts to walk, she can’t jump very well and knows she is now disabled and vulnerable. the litter in litter box hurt her now painful feet so she pees outside the box. home number one gets frustrated with her and eventually leaves her alone and afraid in a shelter. home 2 adopts her, puts up with her peeing issues for many years but suddenly move and can’t find a place that will take her. so older but not calmer or wiser, once again she is alone and afraid in a shelter. home three adopts her and hopes against hope that they can find a way to help her pee in appropriate places but as couches and carpets and pillows and mattresses all get destroyed despite all the multiple things they have tried and fancy is again without a home..cast adrift in our scary shelter today. poor, poor innocent babe.

so today really royally sucks for her and intermittently so has the rest of her years. but the good news is, anxious and sensitive fancy is a survivor despite her fears. and she just landed herself in the very one place that doesn’t care where she pees. everything we have is washable and anything destroyed can be tossed away and replaced. she has joined the ranks of saints several other inappropriate pee’rs who we without interference, without frustration, without any hope that they will get better in their litter box use, let them do what they need to do while we follow behind and clean up after them.

we understand that for some broken animals peeing and pooping in all the wrong places is the least of their issues. the biggest issue is that they don’t feel safe. they don’t feel like they fit well in this world. and even when they finally do..years and years of pee’ing where ever is so ingrained, it is so natural for them, it feels comfortable to them to continue.

fancy you are a good girl and perfectly fine just the way that you are. we have no expectations of you, we have no remedial plans for you, you get to be just who you are.
we have mops…and we do lots of laundry so we won’t notice a little bit more….and we will love you no matter what.
hope floats she settles in soon, we want her to feel safe and be happy. welcome fancy, free at last to pee wherever you need to.

pulling it altogether.

Posted: September 15, 2017 at 6:05 pm

sorry..i am on a roll.
here is the thing..my brain works slowly with new ideas. its like i see the end of the thread and need to follow it up the chain to get to the point of it all.
a significant part of this blog is my brain working, thinking about things, figuring stuff out.
and i am almost there on this..once i get there, i can think about it more.

animal lovers…people who love animals…everything about animals…stories, photos, animal happily ever afters, even omg! that’s is horrible stuff.

i remember my ex telling me i was addicted to animals. maybe i was, maybe i still am.

but…there’s always a but…

here is where my head is going right now…animal welfare.
and what an oxymoron that is.
one side of me says animals have everything to do with animal welfare…but then this new fuzzier side (fuzzy in that i can’t see it clearly yet..not as in fuzzy-fur stuff)
that fuzzy side says..maybe animal welfare isn’t really so much about animals as it is about people.
if the human race is not mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially healthy…how can the animals possibly be?

in my rescue career, i have literally stepped up to help thousands of animals…and i could have done millions upon millions more.
i could keep stepping up until i draw my last breath for a thousand more. and what have i accomplished? not even a drop in a bucket…shit not even a drop in the ocean because the problem of animals stems from the problems of people.
animals will suffer at the hands of mankind until one of two things happen…either we become extinct or we get our heads out of our ass and learn to think.
and what do we need to think about? who we are and what we do as a species. and that starts with us each thinking about ourselves individually.

and that means me.

so here i am thinking about all of the times and all of the ways that i have been unkind, selfish, disrespectful to my own species.
and i don’t need to be like that..i can do better.
i am going to try to be kinder, nicer, more understanding, i can try harder to find the value in humans that i can so easily see in feathers, scales and fur.

if the human condition is healthy…that greatly increases the chances that the animal conditions will improve.

now i don’t want to open up a place of human rescue…i am too freaking old and tired. but i can try to be a better person as far as people are concerned. i can spread around a little sunshine, some kindness, some understanding of the challenges faced by others…i can talk about the benefits of kindness, respect, and tolerance and how that can have far more long lasting positive effect on not just the animals but also for us humans.

lighting the lamps with kindness

Posted: September 14, 2017 at 7:58 pm

being kind does not mean being a door mat or a sitter on a fence refusing to take moral or ethical sides. you can be kind while standing true to personal beliefs and ideals. but you do these things without careless or thoughtless or intentional acts to cause harm.
there are many times i have hurt someone..denying them an animal, removing an animal from their care, firing staff or volunteers, changing a painful dressing, giving an injection, confirming a desperate fear that yes, their life will soon end, disagreeing with those who seek my support, turning my back on those who i can no longer stand with, refusing to help because help is not really wanted, but enabling is. sometimes doing the right thing, doing what is necessary, hurts but the act itself ultimately grows out of kindness, care and concern.

honor, honesty and truth are not weapons..they are an anchor in the storm, the light at the end of the darkened hallway with the door wide open and welcoming, waiting for others to come in.

it actually takes strength of heart to be kind in the face of adversity. to meet challenges respectfully. to find the value of others while still standing on the line of what we believe in.

and this sometimes gets lost in rescue..we mistake unkindness, bad manners, ignorant behavior for fiery passion.

a fire is best used to warm the cold night, to stave off darkness and bring in light. but let it get out of control and it will consume you and those around you.
passion without control, without purpose is a vice.

kindness and respect puts the breaks on, it holds the passion in check so that it can help others and not cause chaos in its wake.

i recently started a new rescue sharing page..one that is free of personal attacks against others, free from calling others truly foul names. so far so good. it started as a kind rescue site and so far it remains. we can always make a choice in where we want to be, how we want to live this life..when the darkness gets overwhelming, we can choose to try to find and share our own inner light.

kindness is not an excuse to be a victim…it is an honorable soldier living by example, acting with mindful concern and care, and believing that while diversity sometimes causes conflicts it can also be woven together into something more beautiful than each individual thread.

nice guys don’t finish last.

Posted: September 13, 2017 at 9:00 pm

i think the hardest part about being human is the constant battle….
to be good, to be kind.
our greatest enemy is within us..the selfishness, the fear, the craving greediness of having, of getting, of being something greater than we are.

we are just an organism, a living organism among hordes of other organisms.
and we were given the gift of potential. the potential to be good and kind.
sometimes we use it, sometimes we share and spread it if it suits us at any given time. but oft times we choose instead to be thoughtless or careless or destructive in how we live our life.
and we like to find excuses, we feel vindicated if we can offload the blame for our moments of darkness when we really should feel shame.

it is the word “but” that gets in our way. “but” allows us an excuse to weasle away from honest insight’s pain.

this is the problem…when we learned to speak, we learned to tell ourselves lies.
we fabricate fairy tales to avoid judgement of how we chose to live our lives.
and the potential became instead of a gift, it became the horror of mankind.
when we kill hundreds of thousands of innocents and proclaim it is the will of god, when we sneer at the homeless person and tell them to go get a job, when we sit in the safety of entitlement and judge others as not good as us simply because their lives are hard..it has to be their own fault in some way….we partake in the poisonous feast of someones pain.

we are a species craving of power, and we gain power by climbing higher up the ladder and looking down on the rest. and if they are rocking our ladder, we must take them out. if they block our view we must make them go away.

all is fair in love and war…well… really it is not.
might means right….again we are wrong.
i work hard, i pay my taxes and therefore i deserve….what? more than our neighbor? more than the old man in the tattered coat? more than the black, brown or purple person wanting to immigrate to a safer place with more ladders to climb? more than the single welfare mom with 7 kids who by the way was kicked out of home at 13, has a grade 5 education, was repeatedly raped by her step father and can’t afford birth control?

we made this world…the entire history of the human race has been one of sticking it to someone else. of walking over the weak ones, of shaking sticks or nuclear bombs at the strong…at pushing other races and religons and species towards extinction just to get what we want.
and we say…wait a minute..that’s not me! that’s someone else!!

really? every day i can find something that i did, said or thought that wasn’t helpful, wasn’t respectful, wasn’t compassionate, wasn’t nice.
every day i could have been better. i could have done better, i could have been more understanding and kind.
its a battle every single day. for every human on this planet who wants to be more than just a broken or maimed or mutated casualty of the human race war.
we just cannot accept that we really aren’t all that special from the rest of humanity…we are born, we live, if we are unlucky, we bleed, and then we are gone…forever.
we turned this planet into a garbage dump of discards and despair. we let our insanity poison the planet and our own souls.

and now we have to live here, in a world deafened by the screams of those lost in 100,000 years of brutality, generation after generation, year after year..
the spanish inquisition, the burning of witches, conquests leading to multitude genocides, Auschwitz, Hiroshima, human and animal slavery, child poronography, gays beaten in the streets or murdered by the state, women raped, soldiers blown apart by smart bombs, domestic animals whose every breath, every moment of life is helpless, hopeless, wild animals choking on plastic, hunted for trophies, dying because of habitat destruction.

what we have done up til now wasn’t so great…maybe we could each try a different way?
being a race of assholes hasn’t worked out so well, maybe a race of nice folks can do better?

nice guys don’t finish last…its just that nice guys never actually finish, they are in it for the long haul, there is so much work to be done.

i don’t know who i speak to on this blog

Posted: September 8, 2017 at 8:04 pm

but i use it for various things..mostly just to keep folks who care in the loop of saints happenings.
sometimes i use it to educate, sometimes to share good and bad things.
sometimes i just use it when i am freaking out, really upset, unbelievably sad, totally scared about something.

right now i am worried, the vet bills are thru the roof. the big fundraiser is coming and every year i wonder…will it be enough?

vet costs have escalated dramatically over the years…i remember the days of $50 spays, $30 neuters, $300 dentals, $800 cruciate surgeries.

those days are long gone..distant memories like when gas was 38 cents a liter.

was it easier back then? in some ways it was…$100 xrays used to be enough but now there are $500 ultrasounds, $2000 CT scans, and $4000 MRI’s.

speaking of..i just picked up squirt and lil bear from their joint thousand dollar ultrasounds. both are cleared of tumors so squirt isn’t dying and bear’s newly diagnosed cushings is probably treatable. really great news that still makes my stomach sink when i think of the addition to the vet bills.

there are some days when i need to give my head a freaking shake…what the hell was i thinking to rescue only senior and special needs animals? when almost every single animal ends up costing us thousands of dollars in vet bills?
even our long term healthy guys are way up the getting old road. squirt is pushing 16 now, carl is in his twenties, sunny has been wracking up bills as he hits 14. all of these guys have been healthy, lived here for years without too much wrong but now old age is waving its big ticket price tags in order to keep them feeling well.

ok..i am done whining (but i will keep worrying..)..i will try to keep hope floating as the big gala draws near.
i hope people come, i hope we make lots of money so we can pay down some of these huge medical bills.
hope floats til it sinks.
and thx for listening..sometimes you just gotta share really worrying things.

updates

Posted: September 7, 2017 at 7:02 pm

there has been a lot happening….
stella’s pathology is back on her mammary tumors, thankfully they are benign..however they did not get good margins on one so it might grown back. her drains are out, now she just has to wait for suture removal and then she is ready to find a new home.

faith had her bunny abscess return, it was drained today.

squirt and little bear have their ultrasounds tomorrow. really worried about what will be found.

also really worried about sunny, he has his xray tomorrow…and if no masses are found, he will go ahead with his dental. hoping no masses are found!

carl collapsed suddenly yesterday, the vet came and checked him over and sent off some blood work. looks like severe kidney disease leading to severe anemia which led to his collapsing from weakness. we are trying a couple of different things to see if he can feel better. in the meantime we set him up a llama hospital pen to keep him safe and easier to monitor how he is doing. carl is into his 20’s now….i keep forgetting he is no longer young.

kudos to everyone over the past couple of days who have helped take care and keep carl safe!

hope floats that all of our guys currently on the ‘worry list’ get moved to the ‘doing ok list’ really soon!