December 31, 2007

happy new years eve

Filed under: General — Carol @ 8:48 pm

i am still on call but i got off work an hour early and i just finished putting the barn guys to bed. everyone got an apple and a banana and someone brought ellie a brand new pretty and pink stuffed pig…she is using it for a pillow tonight but i fully expect to find it’s head ripped off by morning (she is not gentle with her toys)

carly is curled up on a thick and dry bed (not sure how long it will stay dry) and she is wrapped up in her favorite brand new soft fleecy and is looking mighty pleased with herself….i just love pitty’s wrapped up in blankets…they look so cute.

i managed to accomplish my yearly ritual…i paid off all the vets bills today before work. in all my years of rescue i have never carried a vet account balance owing from one year to the next. every year the vet bills get bigger so the year end ritual gets scarier too.i usually do it a bit earlier than the very last day of the year but i have been too busy so i kept putting it off and then today i was in a full blown panic. a huge thank you to everyone who donated to saints this christmas, each of you together just made a miracle come true and helped us pay more than $8000 in vet bills for the past couple of months of medical care for the crippled crew. wow! here’s to a new year starting with those beautiful zero balances at every single vet clinic we use!

my migraine is slightly better…i am currently not in pain but those swirling bright visual things are driving me a little bit crazy.

and speaking of nutz, mugsy has lost his mind…he is currently out in the cold icky doorless room. i went to get him to bring him by the fire and he started growling and snarling at me. do i honestly think he has lost his mind? i doubt it, it was fully intact and functioning this morning. i suspect that little bastard has another dead rodent in there that he doesn’t want me to take away from him.

fine mugs, freeze your ass off with a dead baby rat to keep you company. wow, what a fun way to spend new years eve.

it is very cold tonight, all the snow has frozen hard…but the sky is so clear and the stars are so close, it is a beautiful last night and a gorgeous new years eve.

best wishes to everyone for a very kind and safe 2008 (and wish me luck in stealing mugsy’s hoarded treasure away when it is light enough to find)

i am re-naming things again cuz i feel like it

Filed under: General — Carol @ 8:21 am

that not so lovely pms/peri-menopausal stage of our lives will now be known as AHS (aging hormones suck).

i woke up with a migraine, which means i will get to work  both the last day of this year and the first day of next year with a freaking proverbial but still quite painful knife stuck in my right eye.

not fair!

apparently lokie misses us, his mom said he is melancholy. they are thinking of adopting him a friend so if anyone knows of a rock solid, healthy, stay at home younger senior (their acreage is not fully fenced) who likes to play with another really nice guy, lokie would be more than willing to make his mom and dad move over and share their bed. lexie is the only non leaking senior here who does not need a fence but she won’t play with other dogs cuz it distracts her from her humans.

December 30, 2007

carol had another great idea

Filed under: General — Carol @ 8:41 pm

i have asked nicole to set up a simple discussion forum on our site. i would like a place where someone like jenine (who i suspect is a fellow rescuer can come and share her exhaustion and is currently waiting for approval for her comment to show up) and a place where linda can talk about the trials and triumphs of the pahrump cats or ask about the americats, and where mo can post about feeding edith macdonalds hash browns and tammy can convince the rest of us that phoebe is cute, and deb and chris can post pictures of their fuzzy family friends, where SARS can post a fundraiser or TG can ask for a home check, a place where a newbie can ask a question and learn from the rest of us. …a place that is not dependent upon what ever i am posting but whatever other people would like to talk about, without borders…east, west, north or south. the first post will have to be approved to cut back on spam and you don’t have to register but you do have to use your real first name.

and there will 3 absolute firm rules…i am too lazy to write out full terms of use.

1. it will be non political

2. it will be about positive sharing, growth and learning

3. it will never be used in any way to hurt another person for any reason.

are you guys interested?

one more day and 2007 is done and today is almost finished now too.

Filed under: General — Carol @ 6:15 pm

some of the americat’s colds are returning…sanjaya, merlin and ronnie. they have been off the antivirals for almost a month so i actually think they have done really well. i like to give them med holidays periodically…A because their food tastes better and they like that and B. so we don’t wear out their effectiveness when we don’t need it.

they remain on the suppliments like vetamino and immune boosters but i stop the naturopathic antiviral meds and they only get traditional antibiotics if they start to go downhill and the other stuff doesn’t bump them back up. sigh…it is a bit of a juggling act but it works if you keep on the ball.

all of those cats are doing quite well tho except they are probably going to kill me one day. it is getting increasingly hard to move around in there with 11 cats all underfoot when you are trying just to sweep the floor. the 12th cat is sunrise and he is always out now but he is not interested in hanging out under my feet…he is just waiting for lunch.

the barns guys are all settled, they took swingers death well, they knew he was in trouble and probably figured out where it was going a few hours before i was ready to go there. ellie likes her new house and tunie is quite happy too.

the dogs and the cats and the rabbits and chickens are all doing quite fine. dexter remains our miracle man, the dog who just refuses to die. and i swear to gawd that if mugsy doesn’t learn to express his happiness in some other not so loud and constant way i will ban him from field runs cuz he is going to piss the neighbors off with his yelling his fool head off 3 times a day.

i have a rich and varied personal life

Filed under: General — Carol @ 2:45 pm

that is separate from the public rescue world. the animal’s aren’t separate because their needs get pulled along with me where ever i happen to go. my family accepts and supports this, my co workers and bosses are more understanding than i could possibly expect. and i think at the end of this very long year, i need to recognise and be grateful for this.

swingers fall made me miss work altogether and i broke a promise to one of my clients, his death made me late for a family funeral that i promised to get to on time, the trip to smithers made me unavailable during the original crises, i am always late for work almost every single morning and sometimes, like when jeanette went down last week, i have to leave work early too. i missed thanksgiving dinner with my family and i can’t even remember why any more. christmas day, the family had exactly 2 hours (and i was timing this) to open gifts, share dinner and our enjoyment in each other before i had to go because i wasn’t coming back after work finished, i had too much stuff here to do. they had to help care for me when i first broke my ankle and the girls did not want to let me get home because they knew once i did, i would back into doing things i wasn’t supposed to be doing so they came here first to make sure that i would be ok and then just confined themselves to worrying and ratting me out on my cast clinic days.

my family are not rescue people…this is not to say that they don’t help animals when they can, they just prefer not to live a rescuers life. my co-workers are not rescue people either yet most of them love animals alot.

what i do here every day is alien to my other lives and the people who share my time away from saints. they pretty much don’t get it but it doesn’t ever matter because they either love me or they like me alot. i pull myself back and forth like a yo-yo between rescue, career, and family and each of them is so important to me that i often just tangle the string.

none of them ever read this blog so they won’t know what i say here, but my heart is so full here at saints because they pad and protect it from outside.

and all i can say is…thank you.


December 29, 2007

ahhh, yes again (the evil bird)

Filed under: General — Carol @ 11:12 pm

gawd nicole that made me laugh yet again cuz you are right, i did forget, i thought when i saw you had posted a comment that you were going to say you had a nice day too!

so apparently nicole is afraid of birds and i did not know this. and mo was out working her ass off in the barn. i was cleaning out corky’s cage and letting her crawl all over me just like she likes to do best.

nicole comes into the kitchen and yells that mo wants a hot chocolate and baileys delivered so i tell her to come and share a warm and fuzzy with corky while i take care of mo.

now nicole is a brave girl, she comes on in and doesn’t say a word as i transfer corky to her shoulder. in less than one second, nicole is screaming because corky is literally piercing her ear and as nicole put her hand up to protect herself, corky slices open her finger.

ooops, i thought corky was sweet, she has never done anything mean to me. i grab her back and put her in her cage and look at nicole’s bloody wounds…wow, that bird is fast. and i have to say that i was laughing, (i am sorry nicole, i have been under alot of stress lately.) that naked parrot is not much bigger than a budgie but holy shit she is apparently a vicious bloodthirsty little beast and i just never saw that side of her. of course after the fact when it isn’t much help, trina and lynn tell me that she had bitten them and they thought i knew that corky was a true blue, complete and utter hag.

anyway, i apologised to corky for upsetting her and i apologised to nicole for getting hurt by my evil bird.

i think clyde might have a kindred spirit living here now. and i do still think the rest of the day went quite well.

how are your war wounds tonight nicole? i hope you are feeling better. i promise no more parrot sitting for any of the volunteers.

swinger’s song

Filed under: General — Carol @ 8:41 pm

usually when one of the animals passes, especially one i felt a deep connection with, i do this kind of eulogy thing. just to make them real because i want the world to miss them as much as i miss them too.

i didn’t do it right away with swinger, firstly because i was raw from the crises and guilt and then i was mad at the flurry of ammunition gathering that occured.

but i am not mad anymore and i am not raw and i want to talk about swinger alive. and i would ask any of the ammunition gathers to please respect this moment of my putting swinger to rest.

i went back thru the blog tonight and i searched for swingers name and almost every post that came up was with swinger driving me insane. he bit me in the ass, he bit ellie mae on the shoulder, his hoof print was painted on her delicate pink skin and the other farm guys stayed out of his way. yet he and gideon flanked spritely in her own life threatening crises and stood patiently beside her to keep her safe. he was a clod and a klutz, he frequently fell down, he was afraid of the rubber matts i laid to try to keep him on his feet. his arthritis pain was out of control and we got his comfort back, but his meds were going to bankrupt us and they were giving him bleeding ulcers. i called him a doorknob and i called him a freak and he totally traumatized me the last time he was down. i had never been so helpless at witnessing such violence and pain and then he got up and was fine. and i bonded with him that day as i shared his utter terror and a deep love was born for this horse who was in every way possible just a complete and utter disaster. mo and i would smile whenever we looked at or talked about swinger the dork. that horse was just such a freaking disaster that honestly neither one of us knew how he had survived so long.

and then swinger started playing with me at night when i was busy feeding and settling them to bed….bang went his stall door as he once again proved that he could undo his latch. it became a bit of a contest, we put in a lock pin on his door. he couldn’t figure it out right away so he reached over and let gideon out instead so we had to put a pin in gideons door.

and then i am not sure how he managed this one but somehow he taught spritely across the way how to open both hers and sparkles doors so we ended up putting locking pins in theirs too.

then he started letting out the entire barn (before i had put in their locks for the night) while i was out getting their hay, he’d sneak up behind me and give me a scare then go trotting back to his stall when i would give him heck.

swinger finally figured out how to pull out the pins and slide open the bolt. so next i started putting the pins in from the bottom and he never did figure that one out.

until the night of his final escape when god must have whispered in my ear cuz before i left that barn on christmas night, i decided to stick in a second upside down locking pin. ( i obviously didn’t get the whole message from god, or maybe i was just too tired to hear.) anyway we all know what happened next…but now i want to see it from swinger’s perspective.

32 years is a very long life for a horse, especially a very large TB, riddled with severe arthritis and bleeding ulcers. and swinger was very close to the end of his road, his pain  and ulcers were an ongoing struggle. horses don’t gently pass away in their sleep..they are either killed for profit or convenience or they die in some kind of crises. we knew that he was safe from profit or convenience but the crises part had both mo and i worried.

so swinger had his last hurrah, he not only figured out a difficult puzzle and outsmarted me yet again but he got himself an unexpected late night free snack. his last 24 hours when he felt quite well was spent with mo and me peering and watching and assessing him. he got an extra bedtime visit with me popping in just to see him and a rub and a very fond “you are such a big goof”

while swinger was waiting for the meds to take his life, he lifted his nose up to mine several times…he wuffled my face and he let me kiss him and he heard me say many times that he was such a good boy.

whatever the cause of swingers death, hen scratch or just plain old age…that horse had personality, he had curiosity, he had important stuff that he liked to do and he had one helluva a very long life.  some parts of that life were really hard and i also know that one of the best parts was the last year and a half that he lived here being a dork.  it was something that he was really good at and it was something that he really liked to do and he knew that was why we loved him so very much.

rest in peace swinger, i do not regret even a single second of anything about you being you.

ahhh, yes!

Filed under: General — Carol @ 2:20 pm

we had such a great day here today. trina is back from vacation (and i hope she had a good time cuz she is never allowed to leave me here alone for extended periods ever again)…so trina and mo and nicole and greg and lynn and tammy were all here…we worked, we walked in the snow with some very happy dogs, we drank hot chocolate and baileys, we gave a tour to a very nice couple, we trimmed nails and really pissed off little miss molly but she got over it really quick, we trimmed back rudy’s teeth, we moved ellie to swingers stall and tunie to ellie’s and once again have a separate feed room.

lynn brought up the mail and there were some great letters and cards, one that really touched me was from a nice woman in los vegas who read the turtle gardens post. she gave us a donation and sent one on to them too and that made me very happy. and sheila made me laugh when she forwarded on a note of support that said “i am not too worried about carol, she is like teflan, nothing sticks to her” ok that was funny and that was true too.

so thank you whoever for finally a simple but really nice day and now i am off to do the dump run cuz that is the only thing bugging me right now.

oh! and packer’s new mom is flying in on the first weekend in january and packer will finally have his own home…how great is that? pretty freaking great!!!!!

nicole and mo started opening the animals xmas gifts which i just haven’t had time to get to, there were some amazing gifts in there…thank you to everyone for sending such cool stuff to our animal crew!

December 28, 2007

thank goodness this year is almost finally finished, it has not been my most favoritest year

Filed under: General — Carol @ 8:00 pm

the thing about rescue is you can’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself.  you are more than welcome to feel sorry for yourself but you can’t sit around while you are doing it. so you come home from work and you put the barn guys to bed and you feel like shit whenever you look into swingers empty stall. then you go and clean and feed the americats and bunnies and you grab a 50 pounder of food for the dogs and you feel like shit when you run into eva in the dark outside and she tells you how sorry she is about swinger and it is not your fault. and that is just the way that the rescue cookie crumbles, you pretty much always feel like shit, either physically or mentally or emotionally or spiritually, but some way…. so best to suck it up.

i will only be able to indulge myself with the visual reminder of swingers empty stall until tomorrow cuz then life goes on and ellie will have that space by nightfall and tunie will have ellie’s room because tunie wants ellie’s room. and that is the other thing about rescue, it is all about the animals and using whatever you have to give them whatever it is they need or want…even if it belonged to someone else that you really wish was still here….so let’s suck up that one right now too.

and the third thing about rescue is shit happens every day…some is deserved and some of it isn’t and that is just the way it is. so there is no point in wishing that it was easier or cleaner or kinder or nicer or more forgiving or less of anything that it is…it is what it is and it isn’t going to change any until you finally just stop and do something else.

cody and jj went home tonight, and lokie left yesterday too.  wandering zues’s dad came to pick him up this afternoon and finally there are just the saints here tonight once again. i am glad, it has been too hard a week to look after everyone well, i need to get back on top of things here.

2007 has been a brutal year…from january, right thru the summer to this very end of the year. thirty deaths, broken bones, and the rescue community at war. we have had floods and draughts and snow and wind storms, falling trees, broken washers and furnaces and someone even stole all our mail.

don’t ask me why i put up with this life, ask the animals, maybe they know, they are all way smarter than me.

here’s to 2008, it will probably be more of the same. and that is the fourth thing about rescue; if you don’t look too far back, and if you don’t look too far ahead, maybe you won’t realize what a shitty life it is…ignorance is bliss….i need to find blissful again.

i have been found guilty of swingers death

Filed under: General — Carol @ 1:37 pm

the jury has spoken except no jury was required..i acted as both the accused and the judge in this matter and i have already been sentenced….. a lifetime of reliving one minute of stupidity and sharing 8 hours of consequences and the loss of a life that i loved.

swinger is not mad at me, he knows there was no malicious intent to harm him, just a stupid mistake and his blood on my soul forever.

i will tell you this tho, i will carry this guilt born of  tiredness and honest stupidity far more willingly then i would ever carry being some other things in this life.

the jury is dismissed.