SAINTS

Sometimes i don’t tell the whole story on the animals that come into our care. Sometimes it is to protect the animals, sometimes it is to protect the people. Sometimes, it is to protect myself. But sometimes the story needs to be told so that all of us can do our jobs better. I am going to tell Buddy and Sissy’s story as I know it because they have been let down by humans from the moment of their birth. i don’t know who bred them, and I don’t know who sold them and made a profit on their wrecked and tortured lives. I don’t know who bought them and consigned them to what they have become. All I know is that they were rescued but their rescuers were not prepared for the rescued for whom it was too late.

I first heard about them from the now defunct breed rescue (the group split apart over these two tiny dogs). Their names were Taco and Chi Chi and when I was first called, I turned them away. They were already rescued, they had a well organized and funded group to see them thru. Except they kept calling, the dogs were now confined at the vet clinic for months because none of their members were able to offer them a safe place to land. They told me about the skin problems, and about the issues with house training, they told me the dogs were indifferent to humans and only cared about each other.

 I was pretty blunt with the last call, unless someone had the big blue needle out and poised and was going to do them in, they weren’t coming here. And I was told that it was a real possibility, there was only one other option left to explore. So they explored that last opportunity and lo and behold, Taco and Chi Chi moved into foster care. Their foster mom brought them to SAINTS on our moving day here. She told me they smelled, and they peed all over, and they didn’t like people and if I didn’t take them, the rescue group had already decided that they would be put down.

Everyone who calls here tells me the “will be put down” final option. I am always suspect whether anyone would actually do it or not, that is a huge burden to carry. But from past experience when I spoke that final horrid option, like for Angel who absolutely could not stay with us after killing Murphy the cat and then going for Tang, it can become the absolute final outcome when no other options can be found. So I worry that others may be reluctantly like me and kill a dog, and knowingly carry that heavy, heavy burden of guilt forever…. and that is when I usually cave. But in all honesty, this time, I caved because she told me they were “gross” and I felt so bad for them that they were thought of in that way.

Since we were in the midst of moving and everything here was in chaos. I told her to leave their carrier in the back hallway and I would get to them as quick as I could. And I forgot them, til all was quiet and everyone was gone. It was not til i walked into that hallway and I smelled them, that I remembered those poor things had been stuck in that carrier for more than 3 hours. I could smell the yeast that reeked from their skin, I could smell the urine and the feces that littered their cage. And I was sick inside for having forgotten them. I got down on the floor and opened the door and called them to me and told them I was so, so sorry. And out they came, these smelling and hairless and scabby little dogs. Out they came and straight into my arms and I kissed their wrinkled faces and apologised again and again.

So Taco and Chi Chi became Buddy and Sissy because I wanted simple, sweet names for these simple sweet little dogs. I call them the icky chi’s because they are icky and I can say they are icky because i hold them and kiss them and love them and it matters not that they are icky at all. And they are not house trained nor ever will be, ( at least not when the outside temperature is anything but warm, sunny and dry) nor will their skin and coats be healthy and beautiful. But they love people, and they love me, they are not indifferent to humans at all. They just like to be warm and comfortable and sometimes warm and comfortable is more inviting than acting like most other dogs.

I wrote this tonight because rescue is supposed to be about rescue, it is about being there even when it is tough. It is about doing things you don’t ever want to do and living with it, knowing you did it,  because you have to. Rescue is about seeing deeper, and looking further and accepting greater and finding value in what the rest of the world tosses away. Rescue is about killing Angel so Tang and the other cats would always be safe. And rescue is about loving Buddy and Sissy who other than being “gross” are really nice, sweet and innocent dogs.

I cannot tell you of the softness that invades my soul when Sissy’s bald little head pokes up along the side of the couch. I cannot tell you the happiness that flows thru me when Buddy decides he wants to play. Nor of the sadness and shame I feel at my failure to keep Murphy and Angel safe. What I can tell you is this, Buddy and Sissy have been used, abused and neglected. They have been exploited and used as political pawns. They have been left and walked away from. And here, finally, in the last place these dogs deserve to be in, they are loved. And I think that sucks.

 

good day! i had a nap, where i actually slept, and that is a first!

i went with deb and the dogs for a bit til me and the more crippled ones pooped out and came home. maudie ran and ran and ran, and she stayed near me in case i happen to get away from her again, which i did not. she was such a good girl and didn’t chase the sheep so she got half a peanut butter cookie when we came home. dexter is an idiot, he was chasing logs out onto the ice, at one point he had the bambi thing going on out there. moses doesn’t look good. i think he is lost now, and weary and just wanders because he doesn’t know what else to do. was it only last spring that he was throwing himself to the ground and rolling and barking in joy? it is getting close to the time to talk to the vet.

those dangerous trees are coming down on friday afternoon. the tree guys will buck it up but a priority for the work party is to toss it all over by the fence so the horses do not hurt themselves. they broke into the barn again today, someone has figured out the new pink clippy thing, deb has voted for donkeys, i think it was the white knight lock picker himself. sneaky little buggers. and spritely is covered in dried mud and so is her nice blue coat. why does she have to mud bath on a cold sunny day?

trev is a big baby, but deb still makes big babies have their medicated baths. i bet he feels better and deb said he smelled better too. baths are part of your program here trev, they go along with the couch and the pizza nights too.

it was a long day and a good day and tonight i am watching simon be mean to some more people who are following their dreams. don’t listen to him. if you can’t be the american idol, sing to your horse or your pig or your dog instead. they will think you are great and that is way more important.

so….i was pretty amazed that when i fell and broke my ankle, i did not hurt anything else cuz i was airborn after i heard the ankle snap and then came full down on hard cement. it occurs to me today since i have just finally stopped the pain killers, that maybe it wasn’t such a miracle after all. there is a real sore spot half way up the same leg, just below the knee, and my back and neck are toast today…hmmm. this sucks cuz i am heading out to the barn on those dratted, awkward crutches to walk (not really walk) greg thru the feeding/turn out routine. sigh…wednsday challenge number one, here we go…..

i couldn’t wait til someone was here to try out my new bath bench so i did it tonight on my own and it worked great. but my foot looks so weak and pathetic, it looks squished flat and the color wasn’t so great. i am glad i took the boot off, i think i had the air pockets a bit too tight. anyway, i gave it a good long soak, and dried it as gently as i would tend one of the critters sore feet. i must say, my hands are gentle, thank god at least i got that when they were handing out gifts  (money, luck, and beauty wouldn’t be near as helpful right now….ok, maybe they would.)

 pops sat on the toilet seat to supervise, he almost drooled on me twice, yuck. lexie and maude flanked the wheelchair in the doorway, just in case i decided to escape without their notice. and stripe sat on top of all my towels and clean pj’s and gave me a swat when i made her move.

so just in case anyone cares…i now have a clean foot for the first time in 2 weeks (how gross is that??!!) and i had a whole fascinated audience who witnessed the transformation. nothing like having furry friends who are interested in what you are doing.

sandy got his collar caught in the strap on jacks coat. so jack tries to turn and walk right, sandy tries to turn and walk left…both of them pulling in opposite directions and neither making an inch of headway. i was laughing at the both of their confusion and mo set them free. (mo is nicer than i am)

lexie is absolutely fed up with not hanging out with me. so she sits outside in the dark and stares thru the kitchen window to make sure i feel the right amount of guilt instead of going back into the dog room with the nice warm fireplace. woof, woof, woof…one woof every two minutes til i finally broke down and brought her in the kitchen (lexie doesn’t waste her energy with woofing to often). maudie literally rolled her eyes with lex’s arrival and jumped the gate and went to bed without a word. she didn’t even bother to ask me to join her. that is exactly the same kind of silent treatment my ex used to give me when he came home from work and found yet another new, old, wrecked dog on the couch.

later, lexie sharing my mr. christie peanut butter pirate cookie…i pop a piece in her mouth, she immediately spits it out right back onto the floor. little intensely interested and watching closely,  sandy is flabbergasted at the rejection and after a minute of frozen, silent disbelief, he ever so slowly stretched his neck over to pick it up and ate it for her.

norton after dumping over the garbage, is head deep in trash with his nose stuck in an almost empty can of dog food, the dog food was all gone, but there were 2 soggy tea bags stuck in the bottom, oh yummy stuff norton. mo got it back without getting bit cuz i distracted him with a cheese slice.

lola’s new mode of transportation, apparently my wheelchair is now public transit, with convenient user friendly stops. it gets her from room to room without the effort of having to walk, and it is free.

 

reorganizing saints to see us thru the coming weeks. i have hired greg who is semi retired to take over the holes in the daytime barn routines (still looking for people to volunteer help me feed and put to bed) and he is a jack of all trades so he can help us with some of the bigger projects that are sitting in the wings. greg just lost his 17 year old golden retriever and has lot’s of farm experience, he was able to tell us in an instant the best solution to our onging problem of the uneven stall mats. he has a quiet gentle manner and soft hands so he is going to be good to have around here for all the animals. i managed to crutch around the barn and  gravel pathways, but it did tire me out, and it frustrates me to be so weak.

the good news is i think i have figured out how i can run the dogs each day, as long as someone is on the property to help me if i get knocked down. i am going to get someone to position those great benches that john made, strategically along the fence line. then i can crutch along and rest as needed while the dogs run and play. i won’t be able to get to the lower field but i can sit along the fence at the top while they goof around the pond.

and that pretty much gets me at least part way back in most areas to where i want to be…i got the house figured out, i got the barn access, i can get to the feed store and the garbage dump, i can get into the rabbits and at least give them food and water if we are short, i can switch around the laundry,…i haven’t quite managed to puzzle out poop and scooping on crutches yet, but that may still come to me in a moment of brilliance. and the actual physically hauling of heavy or awkward things is probably just not going to happen, but then you never know.

i have a couple of funnies to tell, but i will write them later cuz i am really tired and am going to lay down for a bit first.

 

and I suck at not freaking out !!!!  She went in for X-rays & when the vet left me a message… did he say , not to worry it’s something we can manage… No , he says… ” we’ve completed our exam & I’ll definatley spend some time with you explaining things when you come to pick her up.. call me after 3 ”  He left the message around 11:30 .. me , wait until after 3 to find out what was going on… No way. I called back, received news.. that I didn’t reallly understand… thank goodness I was at SAINTS & Carol was able to bring me back to earth & quell some of the anxiety that was bubbling up into my heart.  It seems Roxie’s vertabrae are fusing together & one knee joint is somewhat flat on one side… I’m not sure where this is going but I love this dog so much !!!she’s 4 years old… this is not supposed to happen to a young dog.  

the barn guys don’t like my crutches. they sure were eye balling them, but they dealt with it cuz they are good barn animals.  julie lee noticed that winston is getting fat (gee that is because since i got hurt, the donkeys are getting fed mash TWO times a day instead of just once in the evening like they are supposed to (ok, so i was high on drugs when i gave the instructions) anyway, there is no way those donkeys are going to give up their morning mash since now they know what everyone else is getting, so we are cutting them down to just a teaser handful in the morning. tunie fish looks good, i gave her FIVE grahams just for being sooooo cute!

i just yelled at maudie who is bitching away non stop at endora for sitting in the bedroom doorway. apparently little miss “i am either deaf or i am not listening to you” maude can hear angry voices cuz she stopped, jumped back over the gate and went to lay down in the kitchen. tyra is grumpy and frustrated tonight, i need to kick someone out of the kitchen so i can pull her in for awhile. the problem is once they discover the kitchen, none of them ever want to leave.

our julie went with me to london drugs and we got almost everything i wanted (forgot the stamps, sigh, WCB wants those forms mailed back and i would like to get a pay cheque) and  they sell mik and bread but not margarine (how stupid is that!) plus we had to go to a different pharmacy to get a bath bench, because now i am plotting a plan to have a bath!

and tonight i am really tired, that was an active ( for me) couple of hours, thank god i did the meds earlier!

not even 2 pm yet and i am tired, but the catroom is done, i have done a couple of loads of laundry, and the meds are finished. so…i am going to rest up for a couple of hours and then go out with julie to the barn tonight. i will make them come in nice and then sing to them while she feeds and medicates.

there are too many princesses here. there is princess maudie who whines and complains constantly to get me to bed or to take her for a run. there is princess mable may who will take her meds in cheese but not in icky canned cat food. there is princess jack who wants a personal feeder on hand at all times. there is princess dixie chick who needs her canned food delivered to the outside cat run if i am feeding early (which i did) because she is not coming in early no matter what. and as always there is princess carol who wants a motorized chariot to ride around on to survey her kingdom and all it’s inhabitants. sigh, princesses should get a life.

so the animals have figured out that i won’t actually run them over if i can help it. their new trick is to surround me when i am eating something good and park themselves in a complete circle so i have no choice but to stop and feel their desperate collective need to share. i had sandy’s tiny toes right under the edge of my wheel and still he sat, carved in stone. the chi’s, cedric, maude, mable, jack and wilbur, a solid wall of hungry dog. they don’t give an inch when food is in play. little greedy buggers, i fed them all canned food off a spoon before i made my own lunch. bill is a bit of a greedy beast right now. he was jumping up after the spoon and grabbing it before i could reach over to cole. andy stood with his feet on my lap to ensure the best position to get some more. jazz just straddled and sat on my cast so i couldn’t get away. gosh, you would think they were all starving the way they focus on a spoonful of food.

trev has good manners tho. he waits on the couch for me to wheel over and hand deliver his ice cream (it has meds in it).

anyway, everyone had a treat and are now sleeping, so i guess it is a good time for me to join them.

3 pm edit….scrap the rest idea….maude and norton got into a yelling match in the bedroom over sam and endora’s food….they totally wrecked sleepyhood, besides, my non injured foot is freezing again. i wonder if i can suck julie into joining me for a detour before the barn…london drugs has magic bags.

i had 2 terrible dreams last night. both of them filled with sandy, running loose trying to find his family and with open doors and windows and me trapped between them,  high up, frozen afraid to move because i was going to fall. i finally woke up after the last one and had to get out of bed and find him, afraid i had left him outside and he had run away. he was fine and sleeping on his blanket, but it was awhile before i settled enough to go back to sleep.

i rarely REM dream anymore. dreams are the mind’s way of working unsettled things thru. kind of like midnight therapy. since i left my marriage and followed my heart, rarely does my mind need to make sense of my life anymore because usually it fits so well with me that i am content. apparently, not anymore.

i think the mistake i am making is focusing on what i can’t do instead of what i can. i went back and read the blog from day of injury until today. and i can do alot more now than i could then. i can clean the catroom and the upper dog room now, i can get up and shift the laundry around, i can do the inside meds, i can get myself out to the barn if i have someone to open and close the gates. i can do the vet runs, and i am pretty sure i can do the dump runs too (but i haven’t actually put my dump run plan in motion yet). so ok, i am done with feeling sorry for myself and i apologise for being such a baby.

it is time to get back to work, then i will go back to long dreamless nights without the things that scare me.