SAINTS

today is the fundraiser…thx laura and lana for taking over when jamie got sick!!!!! i won’t be there on time, but i will eventually get there…. i have stuff to do here that can’t wait til i get home again or be done too early either. the animals do not care about the logistics of timing for fundraisers…they don’t care about fundraisers at all…they are more into “me” and “now” and “i want, i need”  sort of thing….so here is my plan….barn guys to bed early….about 4 pm, babies, oka’s and starving star’s to be fed about 5pm which should last them all til i get home again around 9 pm..then i actually should clean up and change and not show up in my farmy work clothes,(but i am still just wearing plain carol clothes, nothing fancy around here anyway)…so i should get there around or just before 6pm as long as everyone doesn’t phone me to see why i am late and interrupt what i am doing and making me later than that! (hint, hint.)

to everyone i am holding tickets for, i will send them down early with someone i hope….maybe not mo, she is as forgetful as me!

ok business stuff settled…now for the fun things….

este is laying on the floor, tearing up a cat bed,,,este?? este?? ESTE?????…so apparently she is partially deaf …she looks over her right shoulder, she looks over her back..but looking to the left where her name is actually being called from, 3 feet away, doesn’t even occur to her.

“is someone calling me?,” “hello, yes??”….”oh, maybe not i guess.” and back she goes to killing the poor cat bed,,,oh well, it is old and worn anyway.

shilo is out of her cage and settled nicely into a chair. looks like she owns the place now…i guess she figured we were low on royalty and picked out her new siamese throne.

ginger is a freak out..she is still hiding under the futon couch…i can’t forget to put fresh food, water, bedding and a litter box under there each day or it won’t be a nice place for her to hang out. this 16 yr old very shy cat, really, really needs a very quiet and patient foster home.

so…al is now sleeping on the bed with 2 chi’s and a poodle. in the middle of the night he sent me a message that he intended to make the bed switch. i woke up to find his ball strategically placed right where he intended to sleep…i guess this was al’s version of a reserved sign in his name.  this morning , there was al and his ball right where he said they would be.

one last business thing…i was hoping to get my closet moved this weekend but that won’t be happening now, the volunteers are too busy with the fundraiser to make it up here to help (which is fine cuz i am here anyhow and can manage them on my own)…so to the note that renee left me about getting my stuff out of the entrance shelves so you guys can organize more…sorry, no…it will have to wait til my last set of vacation (mid december) so i can do it during the week while you guys look after the crippled crew…unless you WANT to cover on a weekend for me, and then i can get it done sooner….or it can wait. (i am all for waiting, cuz the weekends are really busy!)

so today i just have to take the recycle to the depot at the dump (we now have a large garbage bin so we are all off the hook for actual dump runs and that is a real relief.) and i need to get some alfafa pellets to last thru the week…. i am feeding the barn breakfast today cuz mo is watching “coronation street”…wow, that sounds like a really fun show to watch early on a sunday morning (i would watch a movie instead, if it was me)  and then i am on the cleaning/laundry/feeding/med routine…it is easier now since we changed things around.

sooooo barring any disasters or unexpected visitors or tours, if i leave my cell phone somewhere where i can’t hear it ring and can avoid answering it 50 million times…i have my day planned perfectly. screw the calls, screw the messages, i am pretty sure both the voice mail boxes are full so no one can leave anymore anyway which means it limits how many calls i have to return when i finally decide to check the things.

wish us luck tonight in raising funds to support our guys…they are not only very great animals, they are pretty expensive animals too!

star was a stray…no one knows where she came from or how she got into the shape she is in….except star and she is starting to tell her story.

star was bred to death…easy to see this by her teats that sag to her knees and her misshapen vulva that gave birth far too many times. star was kept on concrete, she has deep pressure sores on her hips and her thighs. star was not in recent history loved or cared for or else how would someone let her tumour grow out of control, allow her to lose so much weight (my guess is she weighs less than 34 pounds, i’ll weigh her tomorrow and see) and when she got loose, no one came looking for her (one wonders if they knew enough to be terribly afraid to admit she belonged to them and risk charges of cruelty)….maybe someone once cared about her, a very long time ago….but intentionally or not…they sold or gave her away into the worst brutality of back yard breeding or puppy mill slavery.
i don’t think she is as old as the vet seemed to think. he aged her at 10-12 which is very old for a PB boxer. i think star looks so ancient because life used up and took absolutely everything she had to possibly give. it is hard to look 5 or 6 when every single bone in your body sticks out like a walking skeleton and you have a grapefruit sized fungating and bleeding mammary tumour hanging from your belly.

i don’t think the surgery cured star’s highly advanced cancer, there are several other masses attached to the glands still there. i think star is still a dead dog walking…..eventually.

but here is what she told me tonight…she really likes me and is so happy to be here. she likes the good and plentiful food, she likes the soft and warm and dry beds, she likes how it feels so safe and loved inside our arms and she likes being cared for too.

and so saints does what saints does…gives comfort and value and love and anything, everything…. whatever they need. her surgery cost a mere $1100 to give her something that she never had before but can now forever believe…..she has always been a beautiful dog, she has always been  precious and sweet……she has always been the very best of all very good dogs and the light of her has finally reached a place where all around her can see….a very lovely shining star, finally, happily herself and complete.

she is the gift in what we do….in her joy of being, she lights our way and keeps us going.

i will always, always completely and totally adore you.

being 75 yrs old and without a reliable family, imagine getting older and stiff and sore and looking unkempt and uncared for.

imagine being picked up and whisked into a chinese speaking jail with 3×6 cells. imagine how that cold cement, the draughty room, the fear and anxiety and not knowing what was going on, and staying there week after week, with other frightened people screaming in terror or rage or wanting or frustration, all around you……imagine what that would do to you.

your stiffness and soreness would escalate into outright, unbearable pain. your mind might begin to wander and play tricks on you just because you are so afraid. you might stop eating or withdraw, or start lashing out or you might just scream your heart out like everyone else.

imagine if your jailors saw your suffering getting worse and worse each day and felt pity and decided to help you find peace by helping you to pass finally away.

it would freaking well suck.

old dogs don’t do well in shelters…their arthritis gets worse due to immobility and coldness and stress. their minds start to go because they just can’t deal with the pain and the fear. sticking a very old dog in a shelter kennel is just plain mean and it might be a death sentence too.

as a society we need to understand that senior animals, like senior humans have unique and specialized age related  needs. our treatment of them needs to encompass this knowledge so they stand a decent chance of surviving the attempt at being saved.

updates….

star is eating well, star likes my bed very much. star is even cuter without her cone which i take off for a bit here and there.

merlin is eating well, merlin was busy today switching beds, merlin looked pretty bright and perky when i just checked him so that is a really good thing.

oka is eating well but oka is not well today. i am very worried about oka and asked the vet to come prepared in case oka decides that his life is becoming too much of an effort and burden by monday.

gideon has only 8 teeth left, sparkles teeth are just beginning to fall out, they both tolerated their dental well and mo stayed with them to make sure they were ok ( i was working but really it was a very well  planned chicken out!)

not intellectually but “livingly”…she has a highly functioning brain, but that dog is just stupid in making the same mistakes, poor decisions, messing the same things up in the same self detrimental way, reacting in exactly the same unproductive, ill-timed, stupid, stupid ways….over and over and over again. she is so like some messed up human counterparts that it is almost scary (paris hilton???)…. she quite frankly is retarded in her ability to grow positively and change.

she sent the TV flying again this morning….no one even wants or is the least bit interested in your freaking bed phoebe!!!!!

i told her she was stupid too, several times, quite loudly (this is the only saving grace with living with a stupid dog being vs a stupid human being, you can actually be completely honest with the dogs and they don’t take offence at the truth. phoebe thinks there is nothing wrong with being stupid, it’s normal for her so whats the big deal?)…she is lucky she didn’t bust the thing (or another dog) when it went flying down to the floor. she just sat there like an utter doornob, “what? whatcha mad at me for? it was este’s fault not mine, she’s the one who looked at me.”  typical, maybe phoebe was once a human and got sent back as a homeless stupid dog because in her previous life as a human she was even stupider than she is now. now there is an even scarier thought…what if each generation of rescued dogs expotentionally increases cuz so many stupid humans have to some back just to learn basic manners, community cooperation social skills and the ability to think reasonably and proactively…OMG, i would seriously have to shoot myself cuz nuking stupidity is this morning, looking like a viable and reasonable option for certain red whirling and freaking annoyingly stupid wonders.

star got to say hi to everyone as they filed out the door for their morning pee….wagging little tail, happy to meet you, sweet little skinny thing…..unlike phoebe.

you know, in thinking about this…maybe this is how we can learn…imagine the absolutely most annoying dog in the world, (this would actually be phoebe) and become determined NOT to be like that. and then imagine the absolutely BEST dog in the world (gee, how do i pick?) there have been many…oh!! i know…dexter! and strive to be as good, and kind, and happy and brave and balanced as he.

we still all miss you dex….great, great, great dog…you learned how to live really well….(not like phoebe.)

but holy crap man, she is without a doubt the most emaciated dog i have ever seen. steve asked me today..how on F’ing earth, does a dog end up so F’ing skinny?…F’ing rotten people, that’s how. trina has already called to check on how star is doing, i think star was her happy ending in a long and crappy AC week.

anyway…it is love at first sight, she has the best kissable lips around here since jazz. i can’t wait to get that cone off her head, the staples and sutures out of her belly, some good old unfashionable fat on her bones and take her for a run in the fields.

merlin is upsetting me. he is still weak, but he is quite comfortable. he was sound asleep with his nose planted straight down into his bed when i got home…hmmm, i looked to make sure he was still breathing.  i went to feed the babies and when i got back, there was merlin right at the door wailing as always like a big baby. i went in and picked him up and settled him back by the fire…2 seconds later…waaaaa! and i heard he was back again, wailing for me at the door.

anyway, merlin being merlin doesn’t upset me in the least…it is the other stuff that is tormenting me. like, he looks like shit but is still eating and drinking and wailing at me and i have his appointment booked for tomorrow. AND….i know damn well that merlin does not want to end his life with a trip to the clinic, he wants to end it at home.

soooo…i called the clinic…if we wanted to book a home euthanization, when would they be able to come?…cuz if it was the end of next week, i think that is just too far for him to go. happily, sarah can come on her lunch break on monday so i am cancelling his appointment tomorrow at the clinic and re-booking a home visit on monday. if he passes on his own before then, well at least i know he is still comfortable and happy. and if in the end, i am stealing a day or two from him, just to be safe, i think if he can die at home with all of his friends around him, he will quickly forgive me.

it is ok merlin, keep wailing at me baby, i love it when you wail and i am trying to get this right for you, so please keep wailing hello at me til monday and then i will know i did ok with this for you.

A classmate of mine’s brother has lost his dog in the mission area (since Tuesday).
He got out of a hole in the fence near the mission dump (dewdney trunk & cardinal).
His name is Duke and is only 10 months old and isn’t used to being outside as he lives in an apartment and was just visiting in Mission. He’s a small framed Husky X about 65 lbs and is quite terrified of everything, he likes other dogs, but will be wary of people.
He normally lives in Maple Ridge near 222nd, so he could be seen that far over.

If found or seen please call Melissa at 604-466-7828.

Duke:

Thanks,
Nicole

big dog, loves balls any time of the day or night. he likes to play fetch…he bounces the ball under the bed and you go fetch it for him….over and over again.

murphy?…this chair is not big enough for us both…..mid sized lab like to keep you company while you surf the net…he curls up behind you and gets 85% of the chair and you think about a weightloss program so you fit on the remaining 15%.

eddie?…please don’t sneeze or drool on my face….senior, skinny cat likes to snuggle at night, up close and personal, he is a very good but somewhat moist friend.

i love these guys, but……

so carrie and i were talking last night when i got home from work. i asked if her if she was liking the job and she really does. i remember when i hired her, she told me she was worried on the way to her interview if this was a nutbar rescue.

ok, so we are but in a nice kind of way.

i have been struggling against the “nutbar” stigma since i started to rescue….don’t even mention the “crazy cat lady” anywhere near my vicinity. but that is a public perception, it arises from just not knowing the non mythical truth. it is the other “nutbar” reality that we need to change. this is the “nutbar” loose in the community, in the vet clinics, the pounds and the other shelters, the one in the dog park, the parking lot, on message boards or the grocery store. this is the crazy person, that gives us all a bad name. they bully, they boss, they push folks around….they have all the answers, they know all the ways, and everyone else is just stupid and lazy. and tho they think they have all this judging thing exactly right, they pretty much don’t know what they are talking about because they never stopped being crazy  long enough to listen and learn.
those folks give rescuers a really bad name. i want to be proud of what we do, i want folks to see the value here, i don’t want to spend my time converting negative past experience into something positive and worth while.

so many rescue people scream garbage at and about the spca, and all they do is make it harder for others to be respected as part of the “rescue community.”

it is pretty bad when folks in rescue will not admit that they are in fact rescuers because rescue has such a bad reputation…they associate and align themselves with the more accepted and established public  “animal welfare” agencies and volunteer there.

so yeah it is nutty to love living with almost 100 animals, and not wanting or needing a completely animal free space. but we can be kind of nutty in a nice sort of way and do a very good job of rescue, with new ideas and new ways. i see saints as a model for possibility in shelter care. not that everything we do here can be done somewhere else, but boy it gets you thinking about the possibilities for change.

and that is the main reason carrie likes working here (she doesn’t like the perception, that she has taken a step down from real animal welfare to “just” rescue)…she said she is learning more than she ever learned in a traditional shelter, she knows the animals better and she has more personal power for positive change. i think she likes the possibilities for learning and growth and becoming a pioneer partner in pushing the positive move forward envelope.

and i know she likes a certain fat, senior chi with as big of a brave attitude as the incredible hulk in a rage…(who probably would never survive in a more standardized setting)….little can be big, small can be great…in dogs, in people who work in rescue, and in ideas that might one day lead to change.

so…have you respected a rescuer lately? and as a rescuer, have you earned some respect?

respect is not power, it is not a force to be reckoned with, it is not something we are entitled to, it is a difficult thing that we earn…it is a continuing series of positive actions and accomplishments that make a positive difference in the world. somewhat crazy people like me can only get there if we keep our craziness controlled on a strong leash (and with an occasional muzzle too) and ask others to try to do the same.  i am tired of trying to prove that rescue is in fact something to be proud of and there are really smart, forward thinking, dedicated and responsible (nice but a little bit nutty) folks doing a great job in rescue.

the animals like us….it is time to get the humans on board.

he is so frail now and he is starting to get quite weak. he is struggling to stay on his feet now, he is beginning to wobble….still likes his dinner tho, those cats sure like to eat. he looks like an ancient old man, his URI is cleared up with that last ABX injection, but the anemia finally is getting him, he is starting the fade away. carrie told me today that she scooped him up and held him like a baby on the little red couch. soon she was covered in cats, miranda (from FF) was not about to be left out so she cuddled into merlin’s belly and hugged him while joining the love fest.

we are currently arguing on the message board about bringing american animals into canada when there are canadian animals without a home….well merlin would probably not have gotten a home in the states, and miranda definitely would not get a home in canada either…no one wants the FeLV cats….except a few, like saints.

truly, truly, utterly beautiful animals thru and thru, the depth of their caring and kindness is a gift to behold. FeLV’s are special, in so many ways that humans just do not understand. merlin and miranda can let the humans duke it out over who is right and who is wrong, who belongs here and who does not…they are just happy to have had the chance to belong somewhere.
ahhh merlin, you have been the very best caregiver we have ever had here….EVERYONE loves you, human and cat.

i did a paper years ago in college on AIDS…the african soldiers in amin’s army were profoundly affected, they called it “the thin mans sickness”…i didn’t really get this til i stared to work with the FeLV’s…they get so thin at the end, they just start to fade before your eyes.

it is a sad disease to watch at the end, but the beauty of those that have it shines brighter and brighter each day….they must know somehow…why else do they value each day and each other so much?

I have blogged about our Mabel. Here is the link.

i was busy goofing around on the message board and tweaking up my new bedroom…i washed my brand-new, never been peed on chocolate brown sheets and put them on my bed and hung my favorite painting of 2 hands clasped together and shaking in…friendship? honor? common purpose? it depends on my day that day i suppose.

star’s bleeding belly tumour is a massive mammary tumour…trina said it would take two hands to hold it. the vet feels since her bloodwork and xrays came back well that it is worth the risk of the surgery. the cancer probably has already spread somewhere, but star will feel infinitely more comfortable without that tumour if she is palliative and who knows maybe for once what you see is what you get and that will be the end of it forever.

hope floats til it sinks, i believe star is having her surgery sometime today. that vet has quoted $800-$1000 which is reasonable. and since he knows the dog best right now, i told them to go ahead.

good luck star, i am thinking about you today.

steve painted the wall in my room that maude ate a few months ago (again), he has hung up my curtain rods and curtains (hey! i have curtains!!)  and replaced the gross and icky light fixtures and ceiling fan with something pretty and clean. the dogs did not care what their ceiling fixtures looked like but i do…just the closet to finish, the door to paint, the new shelf to be built to hold my personal things (like movies, books and photos of my kids and my parents) and woooohooo…i have a nice bedroom like a normal person has…i am really quite excited about this!