SAINTS

ellie at the beach

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did you guys ever get to see the completed hideaway suite? sigh..i don’t get to see it anymore either cuz colleen lives in it now…but now i remember that i quite liked it!

pete the pain

the hardest place in life to reach is the place of acceptence of life’s inadequacies and inconsistencies….not even to mention the injustices, unfairness’ and utter stupidities that happen for no real reason.

pete screwed up my good mood tonight..he has it in his head that he doesn’t have to go into the riding ring to get his dinner…he can break into the feed room and steal the sheep’s instead. it pisses me off…if he is not in the riding ring, he is not going to eat..he can hang around the barn in ever hopeful wishful thinking but he ain’t getting nothin to eat!

and from now on i will lock the feed room door so he can’t break in and feed himself either….bloody self actualizing goats are a pain in the ass.

then i walked into the house and 4lane and kodi decided they were done with ignoring each other today….i was jumping and dancing trying to keep my ankles away from their teeth…that pissed me off even more than pete because i despise any kind of aerobics.

and for my final piss off in less than half an hour…as i was heading back into the kitchen..murphy thought he’d be quick and follow….phoebe chose that second to lunge out and scare the crap out of him. i slammed her crate shut, locked the door, told her she was an absolute hag and poured a glass of milk for dinner.

bond wanted some of my milk, which is fine. he can have anything he wants, anytime he wants it. rose is losing weight again…she looks frail tonight. she has a lot of bile in very soft stools…not sure what is happening with her today. perdy is acting anxious..i think murphy’s howling while i was out in the barn upset her…dalmations are quite neurotic dogs…i think perdy usually is pretty good but she does have her spotty moments.

i think i am grumpy because early shifts mean about 4 hours of sleep for me..three days of that and i am pretty tired. tomorrow i don’t have to get up til 6 so that is a lot better and hopefully my mood will improve.

now please…. everyone be good for the rest of tonight so i can remember that i actually like you.

http://www.wootube.net/

wee hopeful bug

it is truly a pleasure to work with such a caring group of people. it is so easy to get jaded in rescue..you see the worst of human beings in the eyes of the animals who come here.
but what is so amazing is the animals themselves are so forgiving, they don’t hold their past pain and disappointments against us..they are happy we are their friends.

caspar, daphne, myles, came to the meeting too. reggie and champ and dusty and lucky were there also altho separated by gates. i like having them under our feet while we are discussing caring for them. it keeps us focussed on why we are all here.

i booked bond’s euth. appointment for late next week…i think he will do ok til then..if not, i will move it sooner. but i don’t want to leave it too long because i know soon as the toxins in his bloodstream build up, he will begin to feel ill. i will watch him closely to see how he is.

i wanted to talk about animals that we occasionally save, that sometimes we wished we hadn’t. it could be that their daily care or medical needs or personalities, stretch us beyond our limits. wee hopefiul bug and romeo were like that for me. and i truly loved those cats…especially wee hopey. but living with them day after day was an ongoing challenge. funny tho…as hard as she was to live with..i would give anything to have her back again. to feel her claws barely poking into both sides of my face, to hear her little hopeful squeak. to feel the loudest rumbling purr resounding thru her chest to mine..oh what i would give to have her under my chin again, even for one brief night.

phoebe will always be a deep sigh of wishful thinking, that i never heard of her or her plight…but even with phebes..i love that dog altho most days… i am not sure why. i think that despite it all…deep inside, for her, she really does try (she just naturally sucks at being good for any lengh of time.)

and as cute as i think reggie is and despite how much i like him one on one…reggie in a group setting is a total nightmare that i will be living for a very long time.

i may be speaking out of turn here…but i think sheila and leila have their own second thoughts about oliver. not his fault he was hit by a car, not his fault he can barely walk, not his fault he is basically incontinent…probably it is his fault that he is oftimes a jerk….but oliver was salvaged and remained profoundly damaged so he had to have someplace good who would love him to live.

few animals actually have the option of someone seeing them thru thick or thin…especially when the hard stuff buries the good stuff time and time again. most truly difficult animals get sent onwards to another rescue or fast tracked to the end of their life…sometimes i wished i had that option, but these ones here do (did) not actually cross my end of life line.

today at the meeting we talked briefly about kodi-bear. people were asking about the pain in the ass stuff he does here and what to do about it. the problem with kodi is..he is not really doing anything wrong, he is just being a typically normal pain in the ass cattle dog. he is not a dog for the average family..he is not even the dog for most folks in rescue…but for me..kodi is actually the least of all of the problem dogs here..he is just bred to be kodi. that i can handle..he is not mean, he is not twisted, he is not the least bit insane (ok…well he is nutty in a normal cattledog way)…he is just bossy and busy and likes to herd anything that moves in a different direction than it wants to move….perfectly normal behavior for both of his primary breeds…aussie and blue heeler.

funny enough..i don’t in the least regret taking in kodi…he does not have to be fixed or modified, he is doing what he was meant to do…even if all of the other animals find it annoying…they are getting used to him.

i will tell you one thing tho…when all is said and done…i look back on hopey, romeo, and clyde and i know not only did i do everything possible for them but i gave them a very good home and for this i am grateful…one day i will probably look back on phoebe and reggie and feel the same…but not yet. for now they are my very special and much loved, and somewhat frequent regrets.

he is in very end stage, end stage kidney failure…his bloodwork is back and it totally sucks. at 20 years old, the toughest cat in the world is teetering on the edge of going down. his vet trip yesterday took what little he had, right out of him..he was thin and frail when he left but he was solid on his feet…he is not solid anymore.
bond is still eating and drinking (a ton!) but if he doesn’t get some of his super cat strength back by tomorrow, i am going to have to let him go. he did make it over to the sink a few minutes ago to have a drink from the faucet..which meant he had to jump down from the laundry room counter, jump over the laundry room gate and up onto the kitchen counter and he managed that pretty well.

so hope is still floating for a little while more for our bond…at least for tonight…and i will never again mess around with a hanging in there, 20 year old cat even if i do want to know for sure if it is kidneys or thyroid..that was a very bad decision….rule number one with ancient cats…do not try to fix what is probably pretty close to broken.
love ya bond…catch your second breath, forgive me and keep being strong!

still praacticing!

did you see that movie with meryl streep and goldie hawn..you know the one where they take some kind of permanent youth stuff and then their body parts start breaking and falling off? it is darkly funny.

anyway..our own little dead zombie dog is wandering around the computer room…wagging his little tail, barking just for the fun of it and to see what it might get him this time around (it got him an oreo cookie) and happily thinking his little wrecked body is still alive and functioning quite well.. i actually cringe when people see felix..how can they possibly look at him and not think he should be put to sleep? shit..whenever i look at him…i think he should be put to sleep.

however…while death may become him…death cannot have him yet…at least not for a little while.