July 25, 2011

the magic of opportunity

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 6:23 am

for true animal lovers there is a secret place inside us that remains much like a child. we have this innocent wish to be like doctor dolittle, to immerse ourselves in the sight, the smell, the touch, the hidden lives and souls of all animals.

and mostly we just never get the opportunity. if we are lucky we have that kind of gift with our own family animals. we can have that kind of relationship with our cat (s) or our dog(s) but we dream of it with all creatures. sometimes that craving warps us…not because it is wrong but because we don’t know how to participate without interferring. we take our wants and needs and fantasies and bury the animals under a mountain of assumptions and need and wants.

and this is the magic of saints…the opportunity to be with all kinds of animals..to touch them, to feel them, to smell them, to see them…in their own lives instead of trying to make them fit in ours.

there are not too many people who are not in awe of the not only absolute size and power of percy..but also feel the child inside them grow big with the magic of wonder at his gentleness and kindness, his happiness to just get to meet them. he makes people glow when they meet him. he is such a simply and pure light of enjoyment in sharing a sweet and cheerful moment in time  with us whenever he can.

it touches people right down to the child forgotten inside them when they meet this innocent gentle giant. all of the animals here can do the same but because percy is so big…so foreign to most of us…we notice it more with him…he is more outgoing then say…ellie or czar.

 he greets one and all with open peaceful, trusting friendship and a deep curiosity and a very long tongue to taste it all….he embraces all people with his magical heart (and tongue)..young and old, big and small and welcomes them to his peaceable world.

saints is a place of opportunity…the walking forgotten, the soon to be dead find a safe home here or maybe someday even better, where kindness and care surround them for the rest of their lives. it is also a magical place of opportunity for humans to get up close and personal and submerge themselves in many wonderful animals lives. and it is a place where a gentle and kind cow can become famous. over the years i am sure at least a thousand people have met him and walked away feeling his light warmly glowing inside.

when i look back at where percy and the others came from to where they are now…they are not just some sad and nameless beings behind wire cages in shelters waiting til their time is up, or breathing meat on the way to the slaughterhouse, they are not forgotten like pops was in some field, or starving on the street like black bart….they have names now and personalities..now they are real…and magical to many of us.

it is the wonder of possiblity…the magic of opportunity that finally brought them into our reality where we can see and feel and know them.

they are no longer some childhood fantasy of longing…we found them again after we grew up.

 

animals are the bridge back into our childhood where all was supposed to be good, right and fair. animals are the bridge back and forward for us to become better people living better lives..they teach us about caring, respect and just being..the happiness in the pure light of life.

July 7, 2011

the saints animals

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 11:14 pm

it is easy to forget sometimes how elderly and frail some of our guys are…this is because they seem to truck along pretty good for a very long time. we even forget that even mystic is hanging by a thread cuz one of these days her kidney function is going to slip over into the less than 25% functioning edge and then we are going to see a big change in her fairly quickly.

this is why the burden of responsibility here is so great..they have to have predominently good and happy days to enjoy..they have to feel loved and well cared for..they have to be given the utmost respectful and concerned kind of care because every single day has the very real potential to be their last day on earth.

i do not want any one of them to feel ever neglected or unimportant in their final days or weeks of life. i want them to feel cherished and that their comfort and happiness is the foremost thoughts in all of our minds.

and this is hard…there are a lot of people working here…myself, staff and volunteer. everyone has their particular favorite or comfortable areas and that is where the animals are known and loved best…by their regular and truly dedicated to their welfare caregivers. there are too many for everyone to know really well, inside and out…(except maybe for me because i live with them all.) so it takes many special people to focus on each area and those who reside there and become their champions for excellent physical and emotional care.

we have cat people, and dog people..and big or little dog people, we have bunny folk, and chicken, duck, turkey folk and horse, cow or goat folk..we have the guardians of the pig, the sheep, the llama worlds… we have this group of people who come here to work who dedicate their time to making the days of our animals happy and comfortable….because caring for them ALL is a huge responsibility. each and every individual animal…each unique species…is equal. crosby our turkey is no more or less than pops, or percy, or ellie or carl or pete or annie or jelly or jerry or conan, or the rock or puck, or stevie, or thumper. we accomplish this because each of us shoulders the full responsibility for the group of animals under our care…together we care for them all.

i see nothing wrong with folks having special favorites…there are enough people around here now that all of the animals are favorites of someone. being the extra special favorites of someone is pretty special for everyone.

i was once accused of not wanting the animals to have meaningful relationships with any but myself..well sorry but that is such a load of bullshit because i am truly smart enough to recognise that i cannot possibly meet all of their physical or emotional needs all by myself and i want those needs of theirs met. what i do want for them is twofold..top quality, unbiased, honest, excellent and responsible care and i want the relationships to be healthy and respectful on both sides… serious co-dependencies cause serious problems for animals living in shelters….actually….it probably causes big problems for any being living anywhere.

i want these animals to be loved and well cared for by as many people in as many good ways as possible. i want them to feel that comfort of sinking into or rolling around on a freshly made bed or enjoying that extra hug or special moment of just one on one..and i want them to enjoy that cool and clean taste of a fresh bowl of cold water placed at their feet…i want them to share a joke with a friend or a game of toss with a ball..i want them always to know that there is a clean bed, fresh water and food always waiting for them…that meds are there for them when they need, eye ointments, ear drops, heart meds, anti-seizure, diabetic and pain meds..are all there for them to help them feel well….and that we will notice when they need something more.

and i want us to see them…really see them and know them…so we can recognise in an instant when they feel sad, or they feel sick so we can help them feel better again.

these saints animals are the most important beings in our world..maybe not the whole world…but in this world… here inside our gates..they are the ones that we have committed to care for. this is a huge responsibility we all carry together here..so that on yoshi’s last day…or on jack’s last day…or on cali’s last day..or on spritely’s last day..or on clover’s last day or crosby’s last day..we can stand at their passings and know we cared for them well.

at saints…we love all of our guys….and love is a demonstrated physical act of caring and comittment, every single day of their lives….and yes…it is hard…but we do it by working together for them all….so when yoshi passes away in my arms, i know i not only loved him but i cared for him well…even on his very last day.

we don’t always have a tomorrow.

April 7, 2011

sad thoughts

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 8:41 am

when best friends animal sanctuary started their “no more homeless pets” compaign…it was in response to the irrefutable knowledge that the combined efforts of all of the rescues together each year can and will rescue thousands upon thousands of animals…and still not even make a dent in the horror of homeless animal lives out there.

now that is pretty damn sad.

and i think that is what most speaks to the real heroism (or stupidity) of rescuers…we keep fighting a war in which we and the animals all around us, simply continue to be overrun and slaughtered by the irresponsible hordes.

we can fool ourselves for awhile about the importance of the one or two or one hundred or one thousand or ten thousand we saved….but eventually we look up past those few and see the carnage surrounding us a few feet away.

rescue is an imaginery island in a vast ocean of global animal despair….a few make it to never-never land…the majority never get the chance.

i have two really sad stories inside me that i want to share. they pretty much mean next to nothing in the grand scheme of things but the hopelessness of it all is still sitting there.

the first is a stray dog that i saw on the road a couple of weeks ago. he was a dirty white cole-looking dog..maybe a husky and shiba cross.
he had little pointed ears and a compact solomn face and he was limping along the side of the road ahead of me, not really going any place.

i pulled over and called to him and he stopped and looked back at me. as soon as i started moving towards him, he started moving away. i had 2 small dogs in the car that i was bringing home from the vets. i called him again and he stopped and looked back again and as soon as i moved forward he turned away and moved on again.

i didn’t want to start chasing him..chasing dogs on the side of roads is not a very good idea. so i drove up ahead of him and stopped and got out of the car. he looked at me consideringly for a long moment and then turned up a long country driveway.
i stood at the side of the road and i watched him moving away..i didn’t think that was his home..i think he just wanted me to stay away. he turned around and laid down facing me about 300 feet away. i could feel his weariness, i could feel his real need for this busy body human to quit bothering him and his sore leg.

it was almost 6pm on a friday or saturday night..i had 2 dogs in the car…i still had the barn guys to put to bed and i did not have time to keep goofing around with this quietly serious loner guy. i left him.
i called animal control and left them a message and went home to drop off the dogs and put the barn guys to bed. when i was finished i took a drive back up there but that dog was gone. i kept my eye out for him the next day when i was out driving around but didn’t see him again.

sheri from animal control called me a couple of days later to tell me she had him and he was safe.
yesterday i stopped in to drop off some specialty food for an allergic dog they had and asked if his owners had claimed him…no..he was still there. his leg was better with the enforced kennel rest and when the staff took me to his kennel to meet him, he was quietly pleased with the visitors and the treats that the staff had. he gently wagged his tail and softly sniffed my hand…he was still a very contained and dignified dog but he was now trusting and friendly.

the staff think he is about 6 years old and they will most likely find him a new home..there is no big huge rush, their numbers are low, and he is safe and in the care of really good people.

but why was this deep and dignified dog limping dirty and unkempt alongside of the road? and where is his family? why haven’t they been looking for him?

my guess would be that they just never really cared about him.this really bothers me and now it seems this loner, dignified dog who has nothing at all to do with saints has taken up some kind of haunting residence in my head. i need to get him out of there..he is not and will not become a saint.

the other sad story inside of me, is about our newest saint dixie..but that full tale is still unfolding on the pages of her very own story and i don’t know the ending of this one yet.

February 8, 2011

growing old.

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 6:47 pm

i had a patient once…many years ago (karen b. will remember him) his name was harry and he was in his 90′s and in both WW1 and 2 and every moment of his life was deeply engraved in the wrinkles and valleys of his face.

i used to just look at him and think he was so breathtakingly beautiful….this ancient old man with his craggy face.

we do not value our seniors…not just our animal seniors but our human elders too. we don’t make them feel proud and precious because they are still alive.
i look at it this way….anyone who can with a good heart survive thru birth to extreme old age in their lifetime…has to be a hero.

getting really old is so very hard…so many losses..friends, family, physical and mental function and comfort….independence and self worth. every thing just becomes so much more difficult. and with these losses, the biggest loss of all is when they start losing who they were.

treat our elderly gently…we don’t have to point out or get them to agree that they are forgetting to take their pills frequently. we don’t have to tell them that they have not had a bath in many long weeks and they are forgetting to change their clothing too. we can just simply and kindly help them to keep doing these things.
we can avoid reminding them that we work full time and have families to care for and cannot be available for their every beck and call. and if we try really hard…we can take the burden that they have become in our lives and help them to feel that they are a true gift. it is not their fault we feel frustrated at their failings, it is not their fault that they need more help from us today…we don’t have to make them feel like they are useless or a problem or a frustrating worry because they are in fact…none of these things. and we can help them now, kindly and respectfully and gratefully in their hours of need.

they are our fathers and mothers who cared for us for many years, they are the generation whose past has enabled our present and future. all of them have spent the better part of a century raising their families, caring for grandchildren, building our family traditions, fighting our wars for freedom, working hard, going hungry thru the depression years…they paid the taxes that sent us to the moon and put the first satellites up in the air so today we could have cell phones.

the ancient survivor ones are a precious gift to all of us….they gave so that we could receive.
we have to honor them, we have to treat them gently and with dignity…we have to pay them back for so much of everything.

i hear the frustation in voices when they speak to the very elderly…i hear it in the voices of families..i hear it from doctors and nurses…we don’t have time to let them process things now so we rapid fire questions and won’t listen to their answers with their sometimes seemingly, never ending stories. and we contradict them constantly and tell them they are wrong in whatever it is that they are trying to say or remember.

we want them to be quick…we want them to understand, we want them to admit and agree….easily.

but things no longer come quickly or easily when you are really old..things are forgotten, we develop black holes that sucked up our short term memories. our vision and hearing get foggy. we can see the past so clearly but today is lost. our backs and knees can’t bend very well and it is an almost impossible struggle to put on clean socks…if you even have any that are not full of holes. shopping and banking becomes a frightening thing…we suffer from shortness of breath, the traffic lights at the crossings change so very fast and we might forget where we live when we try to make our way back home again.

and everywhere around you, is a world that you don’t know anymore and you see in the mirror of others faces and voices, their frustrations at the losses you have had. it frightens you that somehow you have changed from an asset to a burden overnight.

and everyone that you knew and trusted who understood who you once were… have already gone ahead of you and died.

and now you are no one…just a useless old person…whoever you once were doesn’t count anymore….now you are old and problem to be solved.

why do we make them feel like that?

it has been a tough week at work.

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February 7, 2011

the rescue perspective

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 7:20 am

mystic really is a very good little girl…even for a puppy. weekends are the best for her tho…she is so utterly exhausted by the end of the day that she is content to just sleep or quietly lay around chewing on her toys.

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a few people have asked how we can bear to care for a palliative puppy? and at some point i am sure it will be heartbreakingly hard…but right now? it is not hard at all because mystic feels healthy, happy and joyful.
there is no point at all in borrowing sadness by worrying too much about what is happening down the road….there are enough worries happening today to take on tomorrows too.

i am going to have to do something about maude pretty soon. i keep saying it but i can’t seem to actually do it. the problem is that while her mind slips further and further away…her body at 18 is still absolutely amazingly healthy. and in her dementia she is not anxious or afraid but she is unsure most of the time now as to what she is supposed to be doing. she gets lost in the middle of the kitchen floor…was she going this way? that way?…she gets stuck cuz she can’t remember anymore.

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but if my legs are close in her view…she remembers she is supposed to push her head right thru….if a can of food suddenly appears…she remembers to take her place in the front of the line up to get her treats too. let me pull out a handful of cookies and she knows to follow me to my chair cuz she will get more then anybody else. and she still knows that the best thing of all is her head in my hands or a trot round the pond.

maud

at what point do i say to her…maudie, i love you but it is time for you to let go and end your life here?

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i sometimes get frustrated by simple petty things…like where the hell is my kettle jenn at 6 am this morning??? microwave tea is just not the same. and i can get pissed at the crazy shit that people sometimes sling…when i know i shouldn’t even bother if other people’s crazy is not actually inflicting pain or suffering on the animals or humans around here.

my job is to worry about moving half grown chickens out into the grown up chickens world….my job is to worry about popeye’s feet and how they feel for him today…i am to share in his trauma and feel badly about medicating ziggy, and worry about gideon and wilbur in the same vicinity as one bowl of food, i am to make sure that mystic has a life full of happiness crammed into a one single year, and i am to hold eddie and tell him he was a very good friend as he passes away….and i am to worry about paying the vet bills for all of them too.

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but right now at this moment my job has to be….to make myself make an unhappy decison of about my deeply loved maudie…..i just can’t leave her standing in the kitchen feeling lost and unsure for the rest of her life.

everything else is just background noise…not important, not worth worrying about…the microwave will make decent tea til i get my kettle back where it belongs…and the crazy shit will occasionally come and go like it always does cuz nothing attracts crazy more than warm and fuzzy animals.

i love you jenn but i spent 10 minutes looking for my missing kettle before i remembered your kindness in bringing all of the wet and cold weekend warriors, hot coffee, hot tea and a whole whack of really tasty cinnamony things!

February 5, 2011

know your limits…stay within it.

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 7:37 am

this one is hard for me because i take in and am responsible for a lot of animals. and it is not some kind of magic number that i use….it is the mix of all of the animals together at any given moment that determines how much we can do.

some days are harder than others. right now we are pretty stable…we have an appropriate to each animal area mix that may not be perfect but is do-able.

but the numbers themselves are the least of it….the greatest part to consider is my personal strengths and weaknesses. i am really good at some things and i totally suck at others and it is critically important that i recognize this.

rescue is not a hobby…it is not a game..it is not some kind of living fantasy tale where i get to write myself in as the hero every day. who i want to be is far different than who i am and what i think i know or can do is a far cry from what i actually do know and can do.

i can make a great dinner of scrambled eggs in my little electric frying pan…but if i showed up in the kitchen of some fancy resturant and tried to be the great world class chef….well…we can all guess what would happen next.

now maybe i could be a great chef…if i took the time and invested the effort to learn the craft really well..but ain’t no one in the world going to happily fork over the big bucks to eat my food because i say i am a great chef…..they are going to want and expect..the actual proof that i am all of that.

considering how much time i have actually spent in the kitchen slaving away and learning that craft……good freaking luck with that!

and this is a good comparison to rescue these days…i don’t know how many times folks have come into rescue expecting that within a few days or weeks or even months..they will be THE great rescuer. hah…there is as much a chance of this happening as there is of me being THE great chef.

and here is the thing..being great at anything takes a committment to learn and if you already have all of the answers in your head..there is no actual learning room left.

i have been doing this for a very long time and i have not come close to achieving greatness…i am competent, i am actually pretty good at what i do…but greatness has eluded me thus far…altho…who knows maybe it is still looming somewhere in the future?

probably not….there is still way too much that i don’t know yet.

jenn said to me the other day….you didn’t start out like this…you started out with a few animals and grew from there. and she is absolutely correct. i can’t even imagine cold turkey stepping into what is currently here and being able to even think past…oh my freaking god!!!!! but a million and half tiny puzzle peices collected and locked together over the many long years and the picture of saints is here.

know your limits and stay within it is very good advice…but it is ok to slowly reach out and stretch a little further to learn a little bit more too. just don’t expect to jump into someone else’s life long learning kitchen without the experience, the time and effort invested in learning and think for a second that you can cook far better then they can do.

that’s just plain stupid.

rescue is an interesting life…it is a mix of hardship and strife…full of mistakes and regrets and should have’s….there some wonderous moments that touch your very core…and it is full of the most incredible animals. but it is a life that requires committment…in learning, in being steadfast and strong and those things are built upon knowledge, experience, sacrifice and plain hard work…we don’t just have them because we want to have them…we actually have to roll up our sleeves, be patient and open our minds and actually work and learn.

for me rescue means,,,know my limits and stay within it until i am willing and able to reach out and stretch those limits a little bit further.

it was baby steps that led to saints…..and this is good cuz if i tried that giant leap of simple but unsubstantiated faith in myself, the animals would be totally screwed.

January 3, 2011

it is kind of nice to see….

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 12:08 am

the 2fers doing so well.

molly2 stretched out on an afgan in front of the fire. that dog is totally out for the count, she is completely relaxed, she is safe and at home and…she is shiny now. the overhead light is gleaming off of her coat and i had to give her a new collar cuz her old one doesn’t fit her anymore.

and what has it taken on our part? not a whole heck of alot…we brought her indoors, we gave her plenty of good food and good company and we have stroked her fur so much that she is shiny and soft.

when we picked her up, jenn was with me. she said it was wierd that jelly who is 8 yrs old, and has cancer seemed so much less frail and more healthy than molly.
the actual difference?

jelly was happy in herself and molly was not…but today molly has figured it out and her looks have totally changed.
she is one freaking happy, healthy and glowing dog…i can’t even imagine how good she will look when she finally gets into a really great home.

and then there is bambi2..mo said to me today, she is noticing a big difference in big bambi. she is slimming down, her coat is softer and healthier and she even has a soft glow about her too. but the real difference that mo noticed was bambi was playing with her. she said another couple of weeks and bambi2 is going to be a regular barn guy at saints.

and what have we done for our dingo-bat? again, not a heck of a lot. we regulated her thyroid with a little pill twice a day. we take her for field runs which she absolutely loves. she starts screaming at me every weekday morning at about 8:30 am…she knows the run is coming soon and she wants to get moving on it right away. once she gets that out of her system then she is more then content to lay on her bed and wait for the food and the meds to start making their rounds…her 3 most favorite things in the whole wide world are…field runs, canned food and meds and getting her big butt rubbed.

i think in another couple of months…bambi might actually lose her famous bambi bootie…then she will look like a real and sleek dingo dog instead of a cartoon character of a fat one. but it is emotionally that i see the biggest difference in her…she is calming down, she is chilling out…she is developing a pretty good sense of humor.

some of this is just making the adjustment to here, but most of it is from regulating her thyroid because the thyroid when out of whack, messes up the entire dog..inside and out…physically, emotionally and mentally too.

never underestimate the insideous effects on all parts of a life that a whacked out thyroid gland can do.

anyway….tonight, i am content about both of these two….for both of them…life might not be perfect but it is still pretty darn good.

really…rescue is so utterly simple…good food, good medical care, a decent roof over their heads and some comfy, clean and warm and dry beds…add a little bit of kindness, talk to them a bit, touch them gently whenever they ask for it…and poof..they feel rescued.

really? how freaking hard is that?

when mo and i were talking today..i said i noticed something really weird about time because honestly..this past year did disappear in the blink of my eye. and so has every single year before..we start a new one before we even felt like we were halfway thru the old one…it just feels totally odd.
BUT…when i look back on saints…right back to the very beginning…which was really only 6 short years ago…it seems like it was actually many, many lifetimes ago.

and it was…there are literally hundreds of lives between then and now. some amazing lives that we lived with and thru…lexie, bill, wilbur, tyra, tally, cole, abraham, clyde, copper, jazz, her daughter, jesse1, jesse2 the mp building queen, jesse3 the biting machine, marilla, clover and maple..peace and quiet too…jewel, the queen of the nile (which was really just our pond!) pops, jacob, boo, ogidie, francis, raymond, tula, baby jack, jennette, tiny todd, kodi and max the crazy cattle dogs, sparkles, spritely and petunia the queen of the barn….and hundreds of others who deeply affected our lives.

that is why time seems so odd to me…i just realized, we have 2 sets of time…the one of daily life that just seems to slip by and time that was someone’s life that we loved and shared together.

time with loved ones stacks up together and stretches onwards forever. that is the best kind of time and it doesn’t disappear in the blink of an eye.

our other kind of time, filled with simple lives… like the current 2fers…molly2 and bambi2….and that kind of time has it’s own neverending story line…..filled full to overflowing with simple life and love.

December 31, 2010

Joy:

Filed under: poetic posts — guest @ 8:50 pm

To the World;

Maybe Carol doesn’t see the wonder that each new year can bring, but I do.

I was born on a dairy farm, at best to be bred each year by artificial man made means and to have my babe taken away from me within the first few hours of birth. I was to live day after day in a loafing shed doing nothing except when I was hooked up to the milking machines.

I was a disappointment to the ones on that farm, for some reason I couldn’t be bred. The only other use for me was whatever money the meat man would give.
But something unexpected happened when I was at the auction waiting to be sold. I saw some women wandering around looking upset and out of place. I was curious about them so I went over to the gate and I sniffed their hands but then they moved away. Suddenly I was herded into this small arena and the men made me keep moving back and forth while many humans stared down on me and then I was herded back to my pen where I waited some more.

Finally my friend was taken away, I do not know where she is now. And I was herded up into a truck with three little goats and taken to where I live now. I had come to the place where those women hang out.

I have met many new animals here and Percy and Emily are now my best friends. I like to watch the humans as they work, cleaning up manure, pushing wheelbarrows, feeding us hay and grain. There are many dogs running around and horses and pigs and sheep and goats and a llama too.
Every day is interesting and I get to do whatever it is that I want to do.

The humans here are incredibly kind, they talk nicely to us and touch us with very soft hands. All of the animals are happy and fat and have warm and dry places to sleep. We like to spend our days in the bottom field the best… underneath the big trees.

I like this place better than I have liked any other and I am happy there are new years that bring new things into my life…like umbrellas and a good home with good food and a good family to share my days with.

Every new year gets better then the one before and this makes me glad.

It is a very Happy New Year for me: Joy, in this World….thank you and may you all be as wonderfully blessed.

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December 21, 2010

cats have such incredible inner grace…

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 9:00 am

i never expect cats like misty or olivia to do very well around here. too busy, too crowded..too utterly foreign to what they are used to. it would be like taking someone from a small village where everyone knew everyone and life was peacefully predictable and sticking them without warning into the NYC subway system…. without a map and without the ability to read the signs with the all of the rules attached….and becoming emotionally bruised and overwhelmed while being thoughtlessly jostled and pushed around.

pretty freaking scary.

but cats are better at some things then people… like having their worlds turned upside down, and having every single familiar person and thing just vanish into thin air.

i cannot even imagine how hard that must be or how i would feel inside.
but i know one thing for sure, i would not be able to cope with the the dignity and grace that these two sweet cats have displayed.

misty is venturing out..mostly to find me or renee and see what we are up to now. yesterday she made it as far as the kitchen to just look around. she follows me into the bathroom to see what i am doing in there and she waits for me to wander back in the cat rooms so she can jump to her feet, rub up against me and tell me she is glad i am here.

this is not a testamonial to saints and how we do things around here….it is a testamonial to these wonderful creatures who forgive the human species for messing up their lives over and over again.

the strength and the willingness of misty to find her way in this brand new world is humbling…that is true bravery…that is real heart….it requires so much true character and emotional stamina.

and then there is olivia…a siamese no less. i always freak out when that cat breed gets in here…the siamese are highly emotional cats. she has done so incredibly well in the medical room. she comes running whenever we appear, she loves to be held and carried around..she believes humans to be something precious and dear. olivia shares her bed with any…..she is just one of those all around sweet, sharing and loving cats.

it is so much easier to get continually screwed by life and cave into depression or rage….we humans do it all the time…shit…sometimes we do it for our entire lifetimes…and sometimes we never learn….that happiness comes from inside us not from something external. we make the choice on how we will feel each and every day. we decide how hurt we are and how many others are to blame. we decide to be petty and pissed or play the poor victim of an unfair and difficult life….we decide and make our choice…just like the animals do.

but animals will always try to find the balance in the things that they are forced to live thru. it is hard and it hurts them but they have a courage and a resilience inside them and they do not blame…they just hunker down and try to stay small til they figure out the best way.

and then one day..they raise their heads and they take that first and second and then the third step to live in their new and strange world…they greet the ones they meet along the way with an open mind and heart.

and before you know it…..they are living again.

olivia and misty…you are truly incredibly strong and gracious cats….the whole human race could learn a few lessons from you…like how to survive life with the spirit and soul of a very forgiving cat and how to find some happiness no matter where you end up.

December 12, 2010

i cannot remember a time when…

Filed under: poetic posts — Carol @ 9:35 am

i was not a lowly paper clip and some animal was the powerful magnet pulling me across the room. i think it has always been like this…animals have always been the very real masters of my existence and i am deeply content to be in their servitude. they are my living gods….maybe they are weak and not very powerful gods considering how victimized they are on this earth. but being godlike to me has nothing to do with power..it has to do with the light that shoots out from within them…animals have always illuminated the world i see.

that probably sounds a bit crazy…but never the less, it is the reality for me.

i have at times screamed out in frustration that they demand too much of me.

but here is the thing…that has always been a lie…they have never demanded one single thing (not including silly things like oreo cookies)…what i mean is..they have never insisted that i be anything other than who i am…they just accepted me as i was and absorbed whatever it was that i was offering.

i am sort of like alice except instead of getting accidently thru curiosity sucked down some hole into an acid induced wonderland…i stood before the whales mouth and asked him to please take me in and swallow me whole. and i have never wanted to go back to some other lost home again….inside their souls became my true home.

saints is run with my head…it has to be for us to survive. but saints can never be defined by the head because of the many communal hearts where it warmly resides.

when i think of spritely i see the warm liquid depths of her unending and bottomless soft brown eyes…they were the secret passage for me into the center of her life. my head can add up the thousands of dollars our hands worked to raise to care for her but it was my heart that felt the full true beauty of her as her copperly light shot from across that field and straight into my soul.

when my hands touch each side of ellie’s beautiful face…they meld with her and become part of the majestic and gentle pig living inside.

as misty lowers her head and brings it close for my lips to meet the warm firmness of her sweet head, she opened the door to let me in for a brief moment of pure wonderousness.

you simply cannot define here by counting bodies and thinking of how to make it look good…saints is not like planning out a room renovation or decorating a shelter up prettily.

saints is about living and in order to feel here, your hands and eyes and heart must be in the same place, soft and warm and so small and pliable as you are gently drawn into larry’s unending soul.

this is a personal place…it is a bit of a secret place where the beauty of those who abide here is waiting around the corner. you cannot think your way in…you cannot force your way in..you cannot imagine or pretend your way in….all you have to do is open the door and the saints will all very softly and gently come marching in to swallow you whole.

real gods can do that you know.