One of those sad mornings

Posted: August 8, 2006 at 11:54 am

Not for any real reason yet, just for what’s to come. I got off of work this morning and came home to pick up Boo and drop her at the vets for her final and complete dental extractions. They will keep her for a couple of days before her surgery to medicate with pre-op antibiotics and a week following for post-op treatment. This is going to be such a very tough week for her and I couldn’t even promise her that this will fix her discomfort once and for all. It might not. It felt like a betrayal leaving her there without a well known friend to help her thru this.

While I was at the vets I confirmed the home visit for Francis’s euthanization tomorrow. Colleen will come out on her lunch break to help him pass from home. I feel such a sense of loss and sadness already and yet I can still hold him close in my arms. It is the guilt of ending a life and the struggle of finding the moment when that life wants to end.  I think life is too hard for Francis now, moment by moment each challenge becomes such an effort for him to meet and today, I can see that the joy that balanced his effort is gone. I moved him into the cat room with Saul’s arrival, and Francis’s has really enjoyed being in there, it is quieter, and more peaceful. I will bring him home some pizza when I get off shift in the morning. Jean and Leila are coming to be with us and we will lay on the grass and feed him pizza and wait for the vet to help him to be free. We so wanted Francis to have our version of a fairy tale ending; his very own home, a best friend to love forever, and a final chapter that wiped out the barren solitude of the rest of his life’s story. All he got was us…i hope it was good enough.

5 Comments on "One of those sad mornings"

  • Leila says

    There are so many, many souls (humans and animals) who die afraid and alone. This is not Francis’ ending. We always want the best of everything for the ones we love and regret were not able to give to them. Your desire for a fairy tale ending for Francis just shows your deep commitment and love for this wonderful, wonderful very magical boy.

    Leila

  • Rae says

    I’m so sorry Carol. I know this is the best way and Francis is grateful to all of you for making his passing so dignified and gentle. It’s still hard to say Good Bye. Good Bye sweet Francis it was an honor to have met you !!!!
    Love Rae

  • Cynthia says

    Francis did get his fairy tale ending. He had love from all at SAINTS that he absorbed like a sponge. He was a wonderful, loving, handsome gentleman. And he had pizza nights and you, Carol. He may have thought of past lives from time to time but he loved his present with you and all of those who lived and visited at SAINTS. That was obvious Carol. I’m sorry, I’m crying as I write this but I know that he will be peaceful and pain free and it will only be those who loved him and were left behind that will hurt. We’re so self-indulgent, aren’t we. Good bye Sweet Francis.

  • Mo says

    My sweet Francis, I’m thinking about you now & wishing you a peaceful journey . I remember the dog you were when you 1st came in, I remember the dog you turned out to be & I’ll always remember the things that I learned from you.

    I’ll miss your crooked head tilt and your cowboy-like swagger . RIP

  • Deb says

    Love is imperfect, and the best we can hope for is to find a measure of true love in our time here.
    Francis was loved. He knew gentleness, compassion and trust. He was protected and encouraged, given sweet hugs and told he was beautiful, strong and good. Francis died knowing that his life was valued. He is mourned and will be remembered. That is love, that is his legacy.

    Goodbye you beautiful boy.

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