everyone needs to say their good byes to moses

because with the first available appointment, i am letting him go.

he had such a great day yesterday, and how i wish we could give him those kind of days everyday. but we can't, right now i can't even keep him safe, and he suffered last night and i am so very sorry.

at midnight i went in there to try to relight the fire, it took almost an hour because i couldn't bend low enough to see what i was doing. it was cold. moses was good, happy to have some one with him. he stood next to me and i hugged and kissed him in between tries. once i got it lit, i closed up the doors and he climbed up on the futon for a sleep.

and sometime during the night or the early morning he slipped off, just his hind end, it was trapped in the corner with his legs underneath between the wall and the futon and there he silently struggled to get himself back up. i found him at 7 am when i went back in to open the door again. he was looking at me, quietly, he had lost control of his bowels.

i climbed up and laid on the futon and tried to lift him back up, but his legs were too far under and i just couldn't do it. he panicked and started to struggle, sensing again that maybe he could be free.

i crawled back to the wheel chair and pulled the futon out as far as i could and climbed back up and pushed moses off and down to the floor. he fought to stand, but his backs legs could not grip and support him so i finally lifted all of him back up on to the futon and held him up. finally he got some balance and he was able to get off the futon and quickly went out thru the doors. where now he is wandering and alternately squatting, needing to move both himself and his bowels once again.

i can't keep him safe, i barely was able to help him this morning. i am not able to care for him well any more. i am so, so sorry moses.