and i think i lied...not intentionally but because i am not good at speaking and thinking at the very same time.
i said that if my very own beloved tyra had cancer of the spleen...i would not do a splenectomy on her...ok, not altogether true. IF they gave us a 50% or better chance of full and total cure...i would grab at that possiblity and put her thru the surgery. but not if it was just an attempt to hold off her death for a little while. death comes when it may with non curable cancer...maybe in a week or two, maybe in a year or more...but borrowed time that she pays for with her surgical recovery will not make her passing easier for me to bear so i would choose not to risk her current wellness with the option that holds out no hope anyway.
regarding jed...i lied about that too. IF i knew he was going to really die i would not have chosen to do the surgery...BUT if someone wiped my memory clean and gave us back jed to decide for again...i probably would make the same mistake twice because i made that decision based on a lot of factors and a lot of hope and faith and if i didn't know the outcome for sure the second time round i would probably base it again on the same.
so what makes jed different then tyra?...my version of quality of life, my vision of risk against benefit, my feelings of courage or fear on decision day....notice the use of the term "my"....
the question i wasn't asked was...what right do i have to decide or influence or judge the decisions of others?
absolutely none....i apologize.
the advice i should have given is...trust your heart, it is a very great one.
Nudge had her ultrasound today. Tiny stones in her bladder (which can be removed with surgery) and some thickening of the intestinal walls. This thickening can be from her mega-colon/ constipation of course but they suggested a scope and biopsy to find out for sure. I think I am going with my heart so far and will probably have the scope and biopsy done. She seems healthy and happy still so far. NOTHING stops Nudge from eating.