jesse is sleeping

tyler is seizuring...he just had his 4th grand mal in an hour and he had at least one seizure earlier today. i have been afraid to give him the rectal valium to stop them, his heart might slow down even more and stop too. but it is too much, i can't watch him seizure anymore so i gave it to him anyway. f#@% i hate this sometimes.

we can't wait anymore and goof around with a med that may or may not get here and who knows when and may or may not help him anyway. his heart is toast. he is blind tonight from the multiple seizures (his sight will probably slowly return over the next few days) but jesus christ, how much can i put this poor dog thru because he is suffering tonight, and so am i...for what?...a hope that another miracle comes here, that ty can be happy for awhile? can ty even be happy ever again? i don't know.....why can't i know this, right now when i need to?

i will ask the vet when she gets here tomorrow if ty should be set free too.

1230 update...ty is unconscious, thank god...this is normal post seizure/post valium...sleep til morning ty.

jesse is awake and upset...zues and wolfie were here and staring in her window. normally she would attack them thru the window, but tonight she is vulnerable and i got there just as she was crawling across the floor to hide.

i put the visiting morons in the shop and tried to block off access to the hide away suite, but they are tricky buggers...it may be toast by morning. tonight i don't care.

i carried jess back to her mats and told her they were gone, i don't think she believed me.

i gave her more pain meds to see her thru til morning, it was a couple of hours early but again, i don't care as long as she sleeps.