wondering about what today will bring....

one day i would like to have a free shelter consulting resource set up to go out and help other shelters overcome obstacles. i could try to achieve to be the very best consultant in the world but there would be a little problem....i wouldn't have any clients... none of us (myself included) like someone else telling us how to get things done. we are all just like that...stubborn, proud, resource guarding, pig-headed, independent freaks....omg! we are like malamutes!

the fundraiser was fun, laura and lana did a really great job (and they made sure i ended up with a bottle of baileys, altho...i almost had two in my hands!) thank you guys from all of us...especially from the crippled crew. thank you steve for the watch so i can TRY to be on time once in awhile and thank you maggie for the beautiful basket of goodies for all of our volunteers!!!
i heard a couple of "jewel" jokes...sigh...saints jewel of the nile...as wide and long and unforgettable as the watery real thing.

i better go get oka fixed up...first thing in the mornings are very tough on him now. he is ready to go...merlin i am not so sure about...he still looks freaking content and comfortable surrounded by all of his friends. at least with my new watch i can try to get back here on my lunch break before the vet so i can decide about the best thing for merlin, and spend a few minutes with oka before he begins his last journey.

today will be a difficult day, filled with doubt, second guessing and huge, huge loss. i don't know why this doesn't ever get easier, it's not like i haven't been here hundreds of times before.

maybe that is why i want to try consulting...maybe for a change i would like to be strong and effective at a beginning instead of always stumbling and sad at an end. whatever....i truly love merlin and oka and today my real job is just about them.