a peaceful death

Posted: November 9, 2009 at 6:28 pm

we lost bruce today…he has relentlessly been sliding down the FeLv slope and the time had come. i tried to arrange a home euthanization but the vets were solidly booked and it was not going to happen. i did not want bruce to be afraid and taking him to the clinic would frighten him. in the end, we came up with a decent plan. louise went down to the clinic and picked up a sedative, she came home and gave it to him and when he was fast asleep, she took him down to the clinic. i met them both there and bruce was still asleep and looked relaxed and comfortable. the vet gave him the final injection as he quietly and peacefully passed away.

i don’t know if there is a good death or a right death because how can death be right or good? but there is a peaceful death and that is what we gave to bruce.

i think i am finally getting these feline leukemia cats. they are all going to die. there is nothing we can do to stop it, there is nothing we can do to slow it except keep them healthy, clean, and happy til their time really comes.
i do not want to be part of hastening their disease…thru fear, ignorance, poor or inadequate care but i want to there for them to be released from any suffering as soon as they reach the end.
we did right by bruce…he stayed healthy until he began to die. he did not suffer in ongoing unwellness for the last year of his life.

i believe bruce to be less than 2 years old..he and betsy and brianne were litter mates, all sick with the same deadly disease.

betsy i tried too hard with..we missed the beginning of her crises and then tried to play catch up to minimize for my guilt over that. in the end i just increased my guilt 10 fold by trying to stop her from dying when it was far too late to stop.

bruce we got it right for….i saw what was coming and knew that it was the end. no heroics, no missed opportunities, no guilt or regrets to carry. just a well loved and well taken care of very young cat who felt well until he was close to death.

rest in peace bruce, and i will rest in peace tonight too.

i am so sorry you had this disease but i am so glad that we were all here and on watch to help you.

hugs to the people who loved you…..you gave us a very special year.

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