Rescue Journal

lucky...

Carol · Jul. 4, 2012

lucky was so utterly unlucky...blind, homeless, hypothyroid with an autoimmune disease that made her break out in bloody blisters in direct sunlight, she suffered from IBS/colitis and arthritis and lived these past 2 years with tumors in her lung and stomach. and yet, she was happy. she liked to rip the shit out of stuffies and loved to be brushed and she really loved to eat....anything... (remember when she ate all those rocks and needed emergency surgery??)

today was not the greatest of endings for her..i almost totally fucked everything up. last night she couldn't get up on her own and when i tried to help her, she tried to bite me. i thought she had just been laying on the hard floor too long and had irritated her arthritic hips. i did finally get her up and she stayed up to eat her dinner.
this morning we found her laying in her own urine and feces...again she couldn't get up and again when we tried to help, she started snapping. we could not leave her like that, covered in urine and feces so we muzzled her, got her up with a sling and she walked with support to the shower so we could get her clean.

i noticed she was having trouble breathing and her gums were pale so i figured one of those tumours was bleeding. we got her on a stretcher and i took her to the vets. on the way in i could smell blood and feces..i pulled over and checked her but she hadn't lost control of bowels but i knew then that she was having a major internal bleed. i could see how she was lying that she couldn't breathe well and she was definitely hurting. the vet did a rectal check and her rectum was full of feces and blood and her abdomen was tight and painful to touch.

and here is where i almost royally screwed up..the vet said we could do a needle aspiration into the abdomen and see if there was blood in there. in that one instant, i felt hope raising up..if there wasn't any blood, then lucky could possibly be good again so i said ok.

i don't know what the hell i was thinking, how could i possibly be thinking of sticking needles into the belly of a much loved and dying blind dog. that is not how our palliative animals pass away, i had lost my mind. thankfully lucky took matters into her own hands and when i went to help her lay down on her side for the aspiration, she with lightening speed and not one second of warning, bit me brutally hard.
i yelled fuck and i started to cry cuz it hurt so bad but at least it woke me up and brought me back to reality.

lucky was blind, she was scared, she was having trouble breathing, she was hurting, she had 2 tumors inside her, she was actively bleeding and i was 100% sure she was suffering while she was dying. why was i dicking around?
i said no i didn't want to put her thru this, i just wanted to let her go.

so i ran out to the car and got her sausage mcmuffin and fed her while the iv torb made her pain go away. she was asleep before she finished the mcmuffin and then we helped her to pass peacefully away.

ahhh lucky, i am so sorry that i lost sight of what you needed from me. rest in peace now and please remember the mcmuffin and not me being stupid.
love you babe.

Comments

Colin

So very sorry Carol.

Jenn & Derek

Another tear shed, first for Dusty and now sweet Lucky..It breaks my heart to hear what you and her both went through at the end, but rest assured she was a happy dog, you did right by her Carol. The MP room will not be the same on Sundays when we come.

Fiona

The MP will not be the same, will miss both Dusty and Lucky.

Carol Ann

RIP beautiful girl. You will be missed.

lynne

hi guys. my daughter just called me. i guess you have her cell phone no. i am waiting for a visitor to stop by. i could come up later and do some room for you but not the cats or bunnies. i have terrible allergies to them. call me on my home no 8267287. i will be getting a cell phone pretty soon and will leave the no on the whiteboard in the kitchen. and yes carol i hope your bite is okay. rip sweet lucky. you will be missed.

Alison

just wanted to add that I hope your hand (assuming it was your hand) is okay.

colleen b

Rest easy, beautiful girlie. Your gentle spirit always brought such a smile to my face.

Helga

Lucky liked squeakies too but the squeaker never lasted very long when she got working on it. I remember when I brought her a supposedly indestructible Kong toy with a squeaker and she dismembered it in a couple of minutes.

Rae

Carol I am so sorry. My own golden died just like this 2 months ago and I am still devestated, she was only 10. Sometimes you just have to grasp at that last straw before you give up hope and say goodbye. I'm glad that Lucky spent her last years at Saints with all of you, she knew she was loved.

Doreen from Maple Ridge

Carol, sorry for your loss of Lucky.
I think every animal that arrives at saints should be called Lucky, as they all win big at Saints. You are too hard on yourself. I don't think i have met anyone else with such a big heart as yours.

Alison

So sorry Carol. RIP Lucky

Bunny Horne

Carol, like most people that visit Saints Rescue, Lucky and Dusty (RIP sweet babes) were the first SAINTS you got to meet.
In my heart I know that each visit to Saints as a weekend warrior might be the last time I get to interact with our precious SAINTS and I cherish those moments knowing I might never meet that SAINT again. I know that thankfully some have been adopted, special SAINTS like Rumple go to excellent foster care and for some it is their time to pass on.
Recently you blogged to the volunteers that wherever possible try to stop in and spend a few moments with the frail dogs. What a wonderful entry because I always made a point of NOT stopping in for fear of disrupting their routine. Last Sunday I specifically went into the MP Room, petted the MP-dudes, handed out a couple of welcomed stuffies and Lucky made sure to grab the tennis balls on a rope and promptly plunked down right where you were about to step and started chewing on the toy with a huge smile. My last memories of Lucky are of you having to physically move that big happy goofy dog chomping on a toy so that you could get past to do chores. Rest in Peace SWEET Lucky - you will be greatly missed.

janet nicholson

Carol, you are such a good lady - to think of her mcmuffin at the end - and I salute you for showing such love and respect to all these animals - who have not had much of that until they came to live with you - now Lucky is free of pain and fear.

Ian and Mary

Lucky was indeed lucky to have met you Carol.

Penny

Reading how you fed Lucky the sausage mcfuffin at the end really got my tears flowing - she would have known just from that act alone how much you loved her, Carol.

Debra

Oh Carol. I don't know how you do it. Just reading this has me bawling. I can't believe she is gone. You did the right thing in the end, as she was suffering today. RIP sweet Lucky. I will miss you so much.

Cathy

I'm so sorry that Lucky had to leave today. We only have them for such short times. Sorry for your loss Carol.