the egocentric-ness of rescue

Posted: November 30, 2012 at 7:10 am

sometimes you just have to slam into the same brick wall over and over again before you get it. my rescue career is littered with arguments…some big…some small. but i finailly see the pattern in all of the arguments i have had. it starts out with disagreements or hurt feelings and then it progresses to the adnauseaum listing of defenses..i did this because i have done and learned and i know all about that. well i have have done this and that so i know more about that.

honestly..the point of the argument is really not to make the other person actually understand where i am coming from. it becomes about my ego who feels under attack trying to defend myself by proving my fish is bigger.

how can i be so stupid for so long over and over again? if someone actually WANTS to know what i think or how i feel about something…they will ask me. hey carol..what do do think about this? or hey carol how to you feel about that? and then i can tell them what i think or feel. i don’t need to offer up my entire resume. ten times out of ten no one asks why i think or feel the way i do so why would i toss that at them too?

jeezus..what is wrong with me to have not figured this out.

arguments are not a fair exchange of thoughts, ideas, experiences, philosphies, or beliefs..that would be a discussion. arguments are about winning..no one invests the time and energy just to get into a fight about something and then cheerfully shake hands…win or lose. arguments leave a bad taste behind with frustrated unresolved issues.

calling a draw with “we can agree to disagree” is a fallacy..our ego’s are hard wired to win…(or at least mine is.)

and i can honestly say i have never even once actually won an argument so why am i still getting into them?

54 years old and still bizarro..my end of the year resolution is…it is time to just shut up.

6 Comments on "the egocentric-ness of rescue"

  • Mo says

    ” Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”

    ————Steven Covey———-

    We humans are so complex.. yet so simple at the same time.

  • michelle says

    Hi Carol, I’m really sorry, but I have a family function to go on Sunday and I won’t be able to come play with the animals….Can I come another day??

  • Leila says

    I think many of us are often aware of our biggest faults when dealing with the outer world and even though we know the fault, understand where it comes and know when we are doing it, we keep doing it anyway. It is called being human cause no one is perfect. I certainly some extreme faults in the way I conduct myself and for the life of me I can’t figure out why I can’t change them.

  • Elisabeth says

    I agree with Leila. In my 40’s I’ve finally become aware of some pretty significant faults of mine and am only able to change/modify my behavious for short periods of time before I slip back into ‘bad’ behaviour. Do we all require behaviour modification therapy to change our bad behaviours, or do we just need more positive reinforcement for our good ones??

  • Cora says

    and we manage to get pretty frustrated and put out when the animals around us don’t manage to change their behaviour just cuase we ask them too..

  • Bridget says

    never, ever “shut up”, Carol.
    you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t speak about something you strongly believe in.

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