another day beginning.

saints always feels so empty after a death. it's weird because we are not even close to empty, there are still more than 30 dogs here. but there were 4 dogs out of here this past week or so...NICKI and mumford to family homes, griffin and cooper to where ever all of us will eventually go.

each one required something uniquely their own from me, maybe that is why I miss them so keenly.

anyway...all of them really good old souls, so glad I got to know and love them and be part of their life journeys.

it worries me tho...this real attempt in letting our numbers naturally fall to more manageable levels. what is happening in the pounds and the shelters to the ones who need some place like saints? is it quiet out there without too many wrecked and unadoptables coming in? are they finding other alternatives? are some of them ending their lives there?

don't know...not asking out loud..the gates are basically still closed for a little while yet. saints has to be to the point where if something happens to me tomorrow, someone can easily step in to take over.

cuz here is the thing...I have 20 years under my belt in terms of rescuing stretching. I am pretty damn good at making myself and saints stretch and stretch to fit just one more old, sad, wrecked being in. I will figure out some way to make us help every single old soul we possibly can.
and in some very real practical ways...this is not a good thing.

there is only so much space here, there is only so much money, there are only so many bodies willing and available to care for them all.

saints was supposed to be a model for what is and can be possible..and as much as I want it to be..it was never really meant to be the answer for everyone who needed just one last open door before the end of their road.

if I could afford it...I would buy saints some place bigger and better. but this tiny 3 acres with it's tear down house and dirt floored outbuildings was all I could afford. and we have fixed it up and renovated til each building can serve a real, true and compassionate purpose. these buildings and fields are not just empty, useless shells, taking up space in the world.

still..i wish they were bigger.

oh well..if wishes were reality... I would rule the world.

not much in terms of updates...a few medical things from yesterdays vet visit but mostly we just did medical updates and rechecks.

I think the dogs were a bit off last night...esp. mystic and jake. they climbed into bed and velcro'd themselves to me. it most likely had to do with coopers death...the young are more likely to be worried by it. the old guys just seem to know that this is how life eventually ends.

maybe we have all been around this block a few times too many..it is not just me and the staff and volunteers...it is the animals too. life is not just about living, it is about the final moments too.

arghh..I feel a maudlin mood descending on me..time to get dressed and get back to the biggest thing going on around here, and that is living.