I don’t even know how to say this..

Posted: July 20, 2015 at 7:38 pm

except to just say it.

phoebe is dying.

she has 2 large tumors on her spleen, and it looks like the cancer has spread to her liver and the lymph nodes surrounding her heart.
it is all pushing her stomach upwards and out of position which is why she is refusing to eat and feels like crap.
she came home tonight with a bunch of meds which may or may not help her to feel better and may or may not give her a little bit more time.
I cannot even imagine my life without her, she has been driving me crazy, making me laugh, causing chaos, absolutely insisting that I love her anyway for more than 10 years.

it has been a very long time but tonight it seems a blink of an eye.

it was right that I adopted her and made her part of my family because no one else was ever going to give her a home. everyone really and truly loves her but in sort of small doses. she has the largest (and most demanding and incredibly noisiest) personality that I have ever known.

I knew she was getting really old but this is breaking my heart, my red whirling wonder is no longer able to whirl any more.

I love you phoebe, be in comfort, be at peace and I promise will help you when you need to leave.

6 Comments on "I don’t even know how to say this.."

  • Leila says

    Aww Phoebe, you get to live in the one place that never asked you to change…gives you the dignity to be exactly who you are.

  • Ali says

    Crap. I knew we were in trouble when she wouldn’t eat wieners. The last decade + has been incredible and loving for her and she has you and everyone who loves her to thank for that. I can’t imagine Saints without her.

  • Tammy says

    Phebes was the first animal I fell in love with at SAINTS. Even before I met her I saw her pictures on the website and just became obsessed with meeting her. Live and in person she didn’t disappoint, she was so full of life and energy back then, no stopping her. Even reading the blog and knowing what is going on with her I find it hard to believe her end is near. It seemed like she would just keep going.
    Over the last eight years she made me smile whenever I saw her, I hope I was able to do the same for her. Be safe Phebes you will be missed, SAINTS won’t be the same.

  • shawn says

    Tammy Ali and I thought she wasn’t herself. ….Tammy was having trouble leaving as she was so worried about her…..

  • Roff says

    Devastating news. She is just so …special.

  • Pam in Nashville says

    My heart is breaking. I have been reading this blog for so many years and doesn’t seem that long ago that Phoebe was main topic on most days. I have laughed so much reading her stories. Carol, thank you for loving her and sharing her with all of us.

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