so where do you find hope and faith?

Posted: December 6, 2006 at 9:26 pm

you find it inside their eyes. while i softly stroked spritely’s neck and kissed her warmth, i looked into her eyes too. and they were bright, and she is patiently waiting for me to finish so i would go and make her dinner. a selfish, hungry spritely gave me hope tonight. i looked and her foot was gingerly flat on the floor, not held up away from the pain. and baby jack’s eyes give me hope and faith too, he’ll try if we will help him. if i lift him to his feet, he will walk a few turns around the barn before he gets too tired. he looks at me with those deep brown eyes and he eats the grain i place before him. and our other littlest jack who is not well today, will rub her face against my sleeve, and all over my quilt when i lift her to my bed. and when i put my face close to hers so i can see her eyes behind her mop of hair, she looks back at me solomnly and then rubs her face some more. all of them weaker than they were last week, all of them frail and vulnerable today as we wait and see. and all of them warm and soft and trusting because we wait when we see faith and hope alive in their eyes even as we dread looking again to see if it is fading away.

5 Comments on "so where do you find hope and faith?"

  • Chris Thomas says

    …and they have placed their hope and faith and you. You will not let them down. Try and rest so you can fight again tomorrow. Good night Carol.

  • Jezebel says

    Their faith is in your love and those who care for them, Carol.

    Maybe, if you can, let go of the fighting and ask where their journey lies. Take a breath, let go of your hopes and fears….and ask them how they can find peace and comfort. Let them know you will honor their journey whatever it may be.

    That is the amazing thing about animals, they will keep fighting as long as we will them to. Their love is unshakeable.

    Maybe the miracle here is giving them permission with an open heart; sometimes a mere shift in energy and intention can reveal another perspective.

    Sleep well my friend, and know that I hold your dear ones in my heart. Deep cleansing breaths – let everything go from today, and know that tomorrow will reveal more of their story.

  • Carol says

    and for me that’s the struggle jez…keeping fear under control so it doesn’t cloud what is real, shifting thru my wants and needs to recognize theirs, and above all else keeping my eyes sharp and watchful for both miniscual signs of improvement that may or may not grow bigger, or that moment when they say, “we are done, let us go” it is a disservice to them to take them too far or to send them home before they are ready…i have done both before. sometimes we get it right, more times now as we gain experience in watching and listening and really paying attention. and sometimes we make that conscious choice to send them a little bit early because what is coming next is going to be too hard for them. but never is any decision made lightly, they deserve the greatest consideration. it is their life, they own it….they have to be the whole part and reason of the decisions made.
    wednsday morning at 6 am spritely laid at my feet filled with hopelessness when i entered that barn, and my heart dropped and i thought, ok, today you go…by noon, she was up, still hurting but feeling marginally better and the vet said we could wait til saturday, by six pm, her pain was secondary to her dinner and could i please just hurry up, skip the warm and fuzzy’s and get moving cuz she wanted her mash.
    hope floats, it ebbs and tides and sometimes it slips far away, it gives me a headache sometimes trying to figure out which way the tide will turn. for christmas a good, working crystal ball would be helpful.

  • Diane says

    My heart goes out to you all at S.A.I.N.T.S and the daily heart struggles you all go through. Your hearts are amazing and your decisions are so thought out and educated. I think of you always and some days your blogs are so hard to read without shedding some tears. Without you Carol, and all your volunteers, many animals lives would have been lost in a cruel cold world that we live in. Whatever your decions are regarding Spritely and Jack will be the best choice that can be made. You give it your all when you make your decisions. You are such an inspiration to me. Poor little Jack. She is such a little cutie! Keep her in your arms and let her go gently when the time comes…I know you will! Bless you Carol…

  • Janice says

    Love you Carol..

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