the gift

Posted: December 24, 2007 at 8:41 pm

tonight is the night before christmas and to me that is a magical night. for me christmas eve has always been the only time of real goodness that you can ever count on. we are all at our best, we love our families, we are grateful for whatever gifts life has given and we are anticipating a very special day that is built from our childhood dreams.

so tonight i am going to tell you my twisted version of why i am so utterly grateful for i am not sure what, but whatever it is, i am a far better person then i ever was before rescue.

rescue challenges me…every single day i fall short…i can give you a list of a million of my failings and only one thing good that i have done. that good thing is always exactly the same, i loved someone that no one else loved.

not many people will rescue like i do…too many, too little, too late, too hard, too lonely, too hurtful most of the time. some will tell you that what i do is so very wonderful, others will tell you it is so terribly wrong. and i will tell you it is neither…it is simply necessary.

so tonight is the night before christmas and jeanette is again down and out. i hear her far away moaning and i know she is in trouble again. i start searching in the dark and i find her, flat out and bloated on her side. i try to get her up for an hour but i can’t. finally i give in, call greg and he comes.  we get her to her chest and she starts to expel gas and her bloated belly slowly comes down.

we wait for her to get up and she doesn’t so we prop her up on her chest with 100 pound bales of straw. i am looking at those things pushed tight up against her and i am thinking that with a warm blanket and pillow, i have a very comfortable bed for the night.

i go back to the house to answer the emails and spend some time with the folks in there before i venture out to  sleep with jeanette so she doesn’t spend all of christmas eve alone and afraid.

greg however is different then me, he decides there is no way in hell that jeanette is spending the night before christmas in the field and unbeknownest to me, he goes back out. he pushes her and he turns her around, he shoves one of those 100 pound bales under her butt and he wedges her to her feet.

jeanette is up and back where she belongs and i don’t have to spend the night in the field.

and here is the difference between greg and me…greg will not let them suffer if he can fight it  and greg will hurt himself fighting til he succeeds. and i am the one who can suffer along side them, i am not afraid to share in their pain.

tonight jeanette is up, but one night she will never again rise and that is why she needs both of us here.

and this is what the gift of rescue is…the gift of understanding these things.

for all of the heartache and hurt that i sometimes suffer, for all of the mistakes i make..it is that understanding that goodness comes in different packages that is my gift from rescue. caring comes from polar opposites, it comes from plenty and it comes from absolutely less than nothing at all. it surrounds me in the animals and in the people who love them, here and everywhere where animals are rescued by people  who care. and in that caring, those same people aren’t afraid to do the very best that they can. we will always fall short, our caring will always be bigger than we are, i think that might be ok.

merry christmas everyone.

9 Comments on "the gift"

  • vadie says

    All the saints at S.A.I.N.T.S. are very fortunate to have you Carol and all your volunteers. OK i must be a mush- bucket after coming home from church and reading your blog cause now i have tears in my eyes.

    I am very glad that Jeanette will not have to lie in the field tonight.

    wishing you all a very merry Christmas.

  • Sharla says

    Oh Carol I’m so glad Jeanette is safe and you are inside! Merry Christmas and all the best to you all in 2008!

  • Rae says

    Thank you Carol and Greg for helping Jeanette into her warm bed. I’m so glad she and Carol don’t have to spend the night out in the field. Merry Christmas to all of you!

  • Emma says

    I like Christmas Eve better than Christmas Day I think. Nudge is nestled under the tree with the presents and I just shouted at Jenny for chewing on the tree again! She bolted with some tinsel sticking out of her mouth. Merry Christmas to all at SAINTS. Best Wishes for 2008.

  • Jean says

    Merry Christmas, Carol and all the critters and volunteers at SAINTS. May 2008 be kind to all of us.

    Warm regards,
    Jean, Charley, Caleb, Belle, Martin, Allie, Scotch and Soda and ten little piglets.

    PS: I met one of the wanna-be Saints today, the white German Shepherd who shows up at your fence with his Husky pal. He showed up in my neighbor’s field this morning and Martin sounded the alarm. But he’s a lovely (though very skittish) dog, and once coaxed into my yard played ball with me until his dad came around looking for him.

  • Donna says

    Merry Christmas Carol and to all the Saints a prosperous and healthy new year.

    Donna, Kallie (Cairn), and Sadie (border terrier)

  • I am so glad that Jeanette is safe and inside for the night thanks to Greg and Carol. Merry Christmas to you all and all the SAINTS that are safe and warm tonight.

  • Carol says

    thank you everyone may your wishes bounce back ten fold to you (jean did he say where wolfie was? those dogs are always together…zues needs wolfie to feel safe, i hope he is ok)

  • Jean says

    Wolfie has been neutered and has not left the yard since – he was at home. Zeus has apparently continued to leave almost every day now. He can’t figure out how Zeus is getting out.
    And yes, it was clear that Zeus was very nervous without Wolfie to guide him. He was hanging about here for forty minutes before I was able to get him into my yard, uncertain whether to go onward (to Saints, I’m guessing!) or go home. At that time I didn’t know where he was from or I would have shepherded him back home. Now I know and I’ll keep an eye out for him. Hopefully Zeus’ dad will figure out the escape route soon. They have chain link fence, I think, and I have seen dogs climb over that – using the wires for toeholds!
    I hope he stays safe – he doesn’t have much roadsense.

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