on a roll…

Posted: June 12, 2009 at 7:21 pm

there is absolutely no point in a teenie weenie one night pity party..if you are going to indulge in the full flavor of abject hopeless pitifulness, you might as well go for the big haul.

so today i called the vets to tally up the bills and thats always a sure fire way to continue the downward spiral. i have sat down and added it all up…i have added in the next few weeks wages, the cost of feed and supplies and painted myself a realistic picture of daunting mountainous bill hill.

in an effort to seek out the positive, i have included a summery of money that might come in by the end of the month..it is pretty subjective but at least i made the effort.

and the final result is, we might just squeeze thru..maybe not paying everything up tp date but making enough of a reasonable try to keep the vets happy for a bit and still cover the necessities here.

but…no visually impaired friendly pen for gilbert yet. his sight has not returned, it is the end of the week..i think that hope just sunk. he will have to make due with what he has for a bit. if i knew he was going to seizure and go blind before, i’d have asked spectra to build his pen instead of the new cat run..but unfortunately, i suck at seeing into the future..i just get stuck with dealing with whatever comes…like a blind goat that i didn’t see.

oh well..he will eventually get his pen because they all eventually get what they really need. patience is not my best virtue but at some point i need to practice it a bit.

i am trying to decide if i should put off marshmellow’s first eye surgery..it is booked for next week. it won’t matter much if he has to wait another month or so, i just would like to begin the process to help him see better again….plus..if spot and misfit do decide to leave us..there is the cost of their passings and after care of their bodies . sounds morbid to talk about it but it is a reality coming.

and this is what rescue also means..the worrying, juggling, the practicality of paying the bills. because while i and the volunteers do rescue for free around here…not much else comes along without a bill.

here is a fact of life about rescue…it ain’t easy, it ain’t cheap, it ain’t a whole lot of fun and it definitely ain’t what most people think.

so while tonight i am not crying my eyes out..i am thinking about a life not so filled with worry and chaos…one where i don’t get bit 3 times in one night, where my bed is not wrapped in three layers of rubber, where there is not buckets and bleach in each rooms corner, and paper towels within a 2 foot reach, where i am not afraid to answer my phone or open my email or go and see who the hell is out in the driveway..one that just has my kids, my friends, my 3 dogs and two cats and me.

doesn’t that sound like a happier place?

6 Comments on "on a roll…"

  • Nancy says

    Hey Carol, you are sounding more than a bit tired and burnt out. Make sure you look after yourself – you do so much for so many, maybe you don’t leave enough time for you.

  • Carol says

    hey..i just got off the phone with you…that’s just too wierd, i was thinking i needed advice and i thought of you and here you had posted on the blog.
    am i psychic or are you???

  • Nancy says

    Well, Carol, I thought that is why you phoned (because you read the comment)! I was on S.A.I.N.T.S. to get info on your open house to send to a friend and saw your blog and commented and then you phoned. That IS weird….maybe we are both “psycho”….

  • lynne says

    doesnt sound happier for all the animals anyhow i have a treat for you tomorrow, that great raspberry shortcake you love. see you tomorrow.

  • Shannon says

    You may have seen this elsewhere Carol but I thought it might be nice to read now:)

    The Reason – author unknown
    (to you from all your rescue dogs)
    I would’ve died that day if not for you.
    I would’ve given up on life if not for your kind eyes.
    I would’ve used my teeth in fear if not for your gentle hands.
    I would have left this life believing that all humans don’t care
    Believing there is no such thing as fur that isn’t matted
    Skin that isn’t flea bitten
    Good food and enough of it
    Beds to sleep on
    Someone to love me
    To show me I deserve love just because I exist.
    Your kind eyes, your loving smile, your gentle hands
    Your big heart saved me…
    You saved me from the terror of the pound,
    Soothing away the memories of my old life.
    You have taught me what it means to be loved.
    I have seen you do the same for other dogs like me.
    I have heard you ask yourself in times of despair
    Why you do it
    When there is no more money, no more room, no more homes
    You open your heart a little bigger, stretch the money a little tighter
    Make just a little more room to save one more like me.
    I tell you with the gratitude and love that shines in my eyes
    In the best way I know how
    Reminding you why you go on trying.
    I am the reason
    The dogs before me are the reason
    As are the ones who come after.
    Our lives would’ve been wasted, our love never given
    We would die if not for you.

  • lynne says

    what a great poem, and so sounding like carol. thanks for sharing it. i think i need to print off a copy and share it with others.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *