ha hillevi you must have ESP!!

Posted: August 14, 2009 at 11:28 pm

i was just fighting with sheila about this on the phone…we have some pretty hot and heavy arguments once in awhile about various things (in the middle of the fight, she thinks i am pig headed and won’t listen and i think she is pig headed and doesn’t listen either!) she is ok to fight with tho cuz we always get past it before we get off the phone.

anyway….you are both right..i don’t have to save the world. and if i just work on a few at a time, do a good job, be clear in my unwavering mandate of who and how many..life would be easier all the way around.

but, that’s asking for someone who isn’t me..someone more together, more cautious, stronger, more business savy, more organized…..if we had someone like that, heck, we wouldn’t even need me!

i have no doubt that this could be all be done better. but here is the crunch, the folks who inspected us and i said we would get our numbers down…have sent us 2 dogs since then and would like us to take a third. the spca when they came to inspect to ensure that we could care for the 10 cats we agreed upon, has sent us 24 animals all together since then. the rescues who like to say that we have too many, send us the ones they can’t take, the volunteers that sometimes tell me to be careful, we are getting too full, have over the years, brought in countless more.

everyone forgets, it is not just me out there saving animals…other folks are saving them too by sending them to saints.

sheila and hillevi have never sent me an animal so they actually have a right to get a little bit on my case.

anyway, i will probably continue to help everyone that i possibly can…i am of the old school..if it doesn’t really hurt me then i am not doing enough…BUT..one day, i will probably be done. if saints has found the better people than me who can actually carry on, that is good. if not, then that will be the end of saving anybody anymore.

here is the thing about total and complete consuming commitment….you do find ways to move mountains..even if you have to dig them out and carry them in a shovel, one load at a time…you don’t collect and respect barriers…you go around or mow them down, you don’t wait til everything falls in it’s perfect place, because if it doesn’t fall in place…what did you actually get to do? putting together a thousand puzzle pieces to create the perfect picture  is a waste of time…why not draw your own picture with a couple of crayons and hope it means something of real value to someone.

yes i want to save them all, but i say no so many times that it just ain’t going to happen. but when i say yes…for whatever reason it is…i NEED to say yes, not that i want to, but have to, and so i do.

think of the ones who are here….who should i have said no to? who should not be at saints today and tomorrow?

life would be easier for me without phoebe..but not better for her, without reggie it would be quieter but he would have been euthanized then, max is pretty quiet and calm but he’d be even calmer dead. i could have sent that tearful pregnant lady away with the feral cat in the cage but then morgan wouldn’t be here..i wonder where she would be…it might not be good. at least i can say with total honesty, morgan is not only safe, and well care for…but i think she is even getting comfortable (she is starting to get curious about the rest of the house, today she was up on the shelf by my computer desk watching me, this is the first time she has ventured into here…yay morgan!)  and should i have said no to banjo and denied her the reality of a real home with lana and laura?..i don’t think so.

 

this is not about philosophies, this is not about ideals, those are words on paper or floating around in the air…this is about the reality of too many senior homeless animals and not enough people willing or able to care for them all.

at this point….i am willing and able, so i do as much as i possibly can…as to the rest that i can’t take, i guess they are in god’s or someone elses hands. but i will not regret or apologise for the ones who are here…only they can decide if i have met my obligation to them, and so far, they say i have.

you cannot get blood out of a stone, but i am not a stone….i am a human,  and they can have every drop they need out of me.

good thing i have lot’s of blood, when i run short, i will slow it down, i never want to hurt them and i know i won’t…their well being and happiness means everything to me and it will always be my number one priority 

1 Comment on "ha hillevi you must have ESP!!"

  • Hillevi says

    Carol, I love what you do and love that you are so open about it. I love that when you take someone in, you take them in for better or worse, vet bills and all. I hate that you beat yourself up (or seem to) when it is time for one of your charges to cross over. Watson was loved in the last part of his life. That is the ultimate tribute to every one of these SAINTS. Watson’s time was brief but joyful and ended in peace. I can’t think of anything better except the world being such a perfect place that animals are treated with respect and love at all times.

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